Friends ask if Dan and I are back together. We’ve been spotted around town together. I say we are “redefining” our relationship. But what does that really mean?
It means we no longer live together, at two houses. That was a real pain. And led to both of us not getting stuff done at our own houses. We kind of fell into that rhythm after we met, but it wasn’t tenable for the long term.
It means, no demands on each other, and no expectations. So when we are together it’s because we both chose to be. That alone makes us much gentler with each other, and more caring, because neither of us feels obligated, nor feel the other person is only with us because they feel obligated. It means breathing easier, no matter what choice we each make.
It means that even though there are still many issues to be worked out, there is no timetable, there is no pushing or pulling. I recognize that he and I will never see some things the same, but not being together 24/7 allows me to get distance from them. Distance gives me, and him I’m sure, the ability to look at the issue to determine if the issue is a big deal or not. Usually, it’s not.
It means that if it is a big deal, we are trying to learn to communicate with each other. I am better at that than he. I would guess that all the writing I do helps me to express myself, and not be afraid to express myself. I’m trying to show him that differences don’t necessarily have to end in argument. That discussion, rather than arguing, lends itself to greater understanding. That’s a work in progress, but I feel a slight bit of forward movement.
It means that I no longer make all the decisions about what we’re going to do, where we’re going to go, etc. He always deferred to me. I got sick of it. Now, I give him the choice and I am truly good with whatever he chooses. This is because I really want him to take the time to figure out what he really wants to do, not what he thinks I want to do. I’m an Aries, lol. Very assertive, and I also know myself pretty well. But I’m also a 3 numerologically, so I will always let the positive usurp the negative while meeting life head-on. My 3-ness tones down my Aries-ness. If that’s possible. If I try to influence him in anyway, it’s to help him see the good in almost everything.
Redefining a relationship is a work in progress. When we first talked, and thought we’d still like to spend time together, I told him, “I feel like we’ve crashed and burned, so that now, we have a chance to rebuild from the foundation up.” He agreed, and also told me that he never stopped loving me. Which was sweet, but I’m not even sure we have the same definition of that. But that’s ok too, we may come to common ground on the definition of love too.
So, here I sit this morning, at my kitchen table, alone, sunlight pouring in my kitchen window, writing, finishing my coffee, and quite content. This is the time of day when I can look at things and evaluate myself. I can figure out how I want to spend my day, and begin doing it. I know he and I will talk today, but since we spent a good part of yesterday together, I would guess we will both stay home today. When we first met, all I wanted was someone whose company I enjoyed and could spend 2-3 days a week with. And now, 3 years later, that’s what I have, I think. I have no expectation that it’s forever, but it might be. I don’t want to go past the next sound healing date, lol. That’s in just over 2 weeks. Mindfully redefining, and staying in the moment.
Love and light to everyone.