Yesterday was a tough day. I had x-rays done of my hip, again, in the AM. I must be so full of millirems I fear I might start glowing. Which, I suppose, would not be a bad thing.

X-rays of my hip are painful for me because they require me to stand for too long while they set up each shot. The tech looked at what he was taking a picture of, and asked me, “What did you do to your back? Did you fall?” Indicating to me that my hip and back were f’d up enough that he could see how bad it was.

I walked out to the car afterward and was barely able to talk. Dan and I were really getting on each other’s nerves, especially me on his. I could tell he was a little sick of his unrelenting role as a caregiver.

Mornings are very difficult for me because when I wake up the pain has inevitably returned with a vengeance. I usually wake up a couple hours before Dan, which gives me time to take some acetaminophen, and sit on an ice pack, and eat some fruit and make some coffee, in silence, before Dan awakens. He loves to talk in the AM, about the news or whatever. I don’t. But after a couple hours to myself, I am ok with it. Yesterday, I awoke from a bad night’s sleep, in which pain kept waking me up, and I took some ibuprofen in the night, which really doesn’t mix well with the acetaminaphin. So my stomach was a bit upset. And I was tired, really tired. And, I didn’t wake up til almost 8 AM, about 2 hours after I normally wake up, and about 15 minutes before Daniel. We had to leave for the x-rays around 10.

When we got back to Dan’s, I folded a load of laundry while I sat at the kitchen table. I a yogurt for lunch, and all the while Dan was just relaxing in his recliner, because he was tired (he doesn’t sleep well) and because he was obviously a little peeved with me. I decided that I should try to go home, and spend a night by myself, to see if I can get through it, and to give him a break from taking care of me. Because, I was only an addition to caring for his mother, and his brother at times. I get it. He takes very little time for himself, and it piles up on him.

So I came home. Driving is not difficult for me since it is my left side, not my right that is all f’d up. I got home and it took me a few trips to the car to get my stuff, walking with my cane, and filling my other arm. Walking can be torture for me, and yesterday it was. I would walk the 30 steps from the car to the house and have to sit down and rest on the first chair I found. Then I had to put everything away, which I did in shifts. The next thing was to make an Instacart list because I had almost nothing in my fridge. So I did that, with a very foggy and exhausted brain. One of the things I ordered was 10 chicken wings from the deli and thought I’d have them for dinner. I also asked them to bring the groceries to the back door, since it is from the kitchen so I wouldn’t have to carry the stuff through the house. I also asked for a notification from them when it was delivered, because they often just leave it and don’t tell you.

So, of course, they left the bags at the front door, didn’t notify me that they were there. I had to carry them through the house, which shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is because I can’t walk much. And then when I unpacked the bags, finally, there were no chicken wings. I thought I’d make a couple hot dogs, but all I had were a couple of way-too-old ones in my fridge since I haven’t been here much for a month. Grilled cheese was the only answer I could come up with, and it worked. Luckily I had 3 slices of cheese in the fridge that weren’t moldy, lol.

Then I tried to turn on my TV, which has not been on in a month, and I couldn’t get Amazon Prime to load, because of course. Why should it? While I made the grilled cheese, after messing with the TV for about a half-hour, it all loaded and worked. Finally! Some success to my day!

By the time I was done with all this, my back/leg/hip thing was totally fired up, down through my knee. I wanted to take half of a hydrocodone, but didn’t because I only have a few, and I want them when I go to bed, to make sure I sleep, I tried every position on my couch to get comfortable, and couldn’t. I sat on an ice pack, one after the other, with very little benefit. I finally decided to go to bed, at about 9:30. I hooked up the TENS unit. I cut a lidocaine patch into 3 pieces and put one each on my knee, my hip, and my back. I took my half a hydrocodone, and called Dan to say goodnight. As I lay there talking to him, and the pill and the lidocaine patch began to work, the pain I’d been fighting all day began to subside. His mood was much better than in the morning, as was mine because stuff was working, and I was home in my own bed. I slept solidly for 2 hours, then woke up to some pain, so I took the other half of the pill, and a couple hits of medical indica marijuana which is supposed to help pain, and sleep. And it does….seriously. I use the stuff medicinally mostly. And it works. I went back to sleep til 5:30 this morning, when my old nemesis, PAIN, woke me up. I wanted to go back to sleep, but it wasn’t about to let me, so I finally got up about 6 and got to the kitchen for 3 extra strength acetaminophen and a nice frozen ice pack.

I am much better today. Able to walk a little more, and not have the pain take over my entire body. I go back to the pain dr Tuesday, so he can see what effect the cortisone shots he gave me have had. I am supposed to get scheduled for an epidural by my primary dr, and for more PT. I’ll have to check into that Monday since I just didn’t do it yesterday. Last night I realized I’d left a lot of stuff out of my grocery order that would make life easier for me, so this morning I have created another Instacart list to be delivered this morning. Then I think my cupboards and fridge will be full.

I talked to my BFF yesterday, and she’s going to come over today for awhile. She offered to stop at the drug store for me too, to pick up one of my meds. She’s such a good friend. She told me if I needed anything during the night to call her, or more precisely to call her husband since she wouldn’t have her hearing aids in and wouldn’t hear her phone ring if I called her.

Tomorrow is Father’s Day. I want to do something nice for Dan, who is a really good father. So I think I’ll make BBQ chicken sliders in the slow cooker. I’m just praying I don’t have another flare-up.

I’m actually looking forward to my day today, even though everything is a struggle, at least I’m home, and not feeling like I’m putting Daniel out, though I know he would deny that I was. I need to pick up my house before my friend gets here because yesterday it was all I could do to put the stuff in the fridge that needed to be put there. Everything else was still on my kitchen table this morning, so I am putting stuff away piece by piece.

Florida has become a raging hot spot for COVID-19, as everyone knows. We added 4000 new cases Thursday, and I haven’t even looked for today. Our esteemed governor says we’re not closing down again, and he also said the median age for new cases is 37 and getting younger. All those young folks down at the bars along the beach, no masks, no social distancing and many of the bars not even the servers have masks on. Me? I’ll stay home….even if I could go out, which is very difficult for me, I would stay home. Not interested in adding to my list of ailments, lol.

Obviously, I have not been able to take part in any of the protests in the area over BLM and also police brutality. I feel bad for the vast majority of cops who are good people, good cops, who have to deal with the repercussions of the ugly few. As for BLM, it has occurred to me that while I’m not racist, I am privileged, and need to recognize that fact, and empathize with all minorities more. I always have, but really was unaware of how systemic the nature of racism in our country. Every time I have an epiphany about it, I feel like and idiot for not acknowledging it before. I pray real change comes from all this, though I would expect that it will take an election and change of White House occupant for it to happen.

For those of you who made it to the end of this long post, thank you. Love and light to all.