Progress, Tempered with Sadness

I haven’t written in a long while. Obviously it seems a little weird to me, not to want to be tapping on my keyboard, with something to say about something, anything. I’m going to say that my reticence is somewhat attributable to the quarantine. Although most everything in Florida is now open (stupidly, I might add) I still wouldn’t have gone anywhere because I am one of the at-risk people: diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, and almost 70. I do know that there are quite a few venues that have music, outdoors, and the tables are placed at correct social distancing, and the staff does a good job of sanitizing and cleaning after each table clears, and they also wear masks. So the risk is down.

But obviously, I have other issues keeping me from going out. I am in my fourth week of PT. The therapists are trying hard to get my left leg strong enough to support me when I walk. They have been successful in getting me onto a cane during the day. I’ve walked to the pool, and/or the mailboxes. I’m still not supposed to go in the pool but I expect that to change after I see the surgeon on Thursday. The incision is healed, well so I’m sure he’ll clear me for the pool which will be a great thing for my PT. I’m also hopeful he will clear me to drive. Then I could go home, at least in the daytime, and come back to Dan’s for the night. I just feel safer when he is around at night, because nights and mornings are the hardest time for me. I revert back to the walker at night, and first thing in the morning. But I would so like to go home, and have my friends come over, and maybe have something else to write about.

As for writing, I believe that all these months of not being able to go out of the house on my own, and quarantining, has dulled my senses. I have been focused on pain relief, and not much else. I am anxious to get to the point where pain relief is not the focus of my day, and I know that day is coming because each day I feel a little better, with a little less pain. The therapists tell me it’s obvious how much stronger I have gotten on my left side, but I still have a horrible fear of falling and doing more damage to myself. But I believe them, and I know that my pain levels are down to less than half of what they were, and my leg is getting stronger every day. I wish it were faster, I am ready to have my life back.

Which leads me to the one other thing I have to write about now, and that is the sad passing of Justice Ginsburg. What an amazing woman she was. (I typed “is” and had to go back and change it to “was”, which almost made me cry.) Dan and I had not seen the movie RBG, so watched it yesterday. While I am totally in agreement with her political views, Dan was not always, though often, in agreement with her. But he feels almost as sad as I do that she is gone from us, because she was so strong, and consistent with her beliefs. Because she was such a decent person. When I think of how she affected my life, and all women’s lives. I said to Dan during the movie, “Can you imagine if I couldn’t get a credit card in my name? I’d still be married…..” Because that’s how I put my attorney on retainer, I gave her $1000 on my newly acquired credit card in my name only. When I think of the ramifications in terms of my own life, I get pretty emotional. She knew….that there were millions of women like me that needed her help, and she selflessly gave us and argued for us. The work is not done, but she certainly gave us a strong start. The work has to be carried on by those of us left behind.

We will miss her, all of us. She said she saw the Constitution in terms of creating a more perfect union and I feel like all her work was toward that end.

What makes many of us miss her even more is that now 45 has a chance to really unbalance the court and affect our laws, our country for years to come. So damn scary. Terrifying. But like many things in this life that I can’t affect, I will have to trust the universe on this one, and try to stay in the present moment.

So I hope all of you are well, and dealing with all this well. These are scary times, and we can’t let them dampen our spirits, and take our joy from us. I remain hopeful.

Love and light to all.

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