I am so tired.
Tired of waiting
Tired of hurting
Tired of being alone.
Longing for your love
Your never-ending, unconditional love.
Why do I feel like it’s absent from my life?
Why do I feel so alone all the time?
Why can’t you tell me you love me anymore?
Why do I have this ache in my heart,
An ache that feels like a hole that is waiting for your love.
Realizing that I don’t appreciate your beliefs,
(Nor you mine.)
Realizing that it’s not my responsibility
To convince you to love yourself.
I know that if you don’t
You can never love me.
I can’t save you.
I can always love you.
I can wish the best for you.
I can do all of this
From a distance
That softens the blow
Of me believing you can love me
Of me realizing you cannot.
Allowing myself to open the door
To the love that is waiting somewhere for me.
Walking toward me.
Because you are not,
Walking in my direction.
Nor me in yours.
“An ache that feels like a hole that is waiting for your love. Or someone’s.” I remember that feeling. One of the things that helped me was realizing there was/is a loving God (who goes by many names) who will always love me deeply. Also loving myself and the constants in my life helped.
We’ve been on a rollercoaster lately. But the lows never last long with me, because I have learned not to get too attached to the outcomes. Self love is so I’m important and I know I am part of the One Thing, all connected and that is love. So writing it out helps in that moment, and usually dissipates any fear or loneliness
I like, “One Thing, all connected and that is love”. Glad you’re doing okay.