Why does change make me feel insecure? As if I don’t know who I am any longer. But underneath that is an assurance that I know better than ever who I am, and what my purpose is. I think I’m gathering courage to push myself over this hump, and the feeling of insecurity will then be replaced with a knowing that I can help people, that I can extend unconditional love to people who have never experienced it. And in that way, the world will change, one person at a time, extending it out exponentially. I am just part of that one mind.
So it’s been hard, to separate myself from the small group of friends. Not that I am really separate, not that we are no longer friends. I’m feeling like I needed to go off in another direction. That the old direction was not helping me to evolve, which is my purpose. Learn my lessonns and evolve my soul.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my reiki session with a new, brand new, friend who is in an abusive relationship. She needs so much support, she really triggered me. I told her it would take more than one session, and that was before I gave her the reiki. It’s been about 10 days, and every day I’ve struggled with my reaction to her. Thinking that of all people, I know where she’s at, and how hard it is to break out of that pattern. I intend to call her, and bring her back here, even if it’s for a half price session or something. I know money is tight with her. I want to wait until I’ve had my Karuna Reiki Master attunemennt, because that will enable me to go deeper with her. My attunement is in about 10 days. But I want to call her before, and just let her know I didn’t forget her.
I have been thinking about doing a sound healing for my book club. Having the next meeting here. I have thought maybe I could give each of the 4 other girls an instrument and I could loosely guide them and we could play together and see what happens. I’ll bring it up at our next meeting.
It’s been cloudy this week, and often we can see a cloudburst on the horizon. The sun may be out somewhere else. But now that the clear skies are streaked with clouds we have these amazing sunsets, and sometimes sunrises. And sometimes neither, just clouds. A thunderstorm woke me the other night. Actually the other morning, at 4 AM. First time this year. It kept up for about an hour. My plants are very happy about it. Everything is turning greener, even though I try to water them regularly. The soil here is very sandy, and water rarely penetrates more than a couple inches. Which is why the streets flood so easily, because the rain just runs off the ground and into them.
Chinese leftovers for dinner tonight. Chicken mei fun, with some soy and siracha added. It wasn’t bad. I’m home tonight, it is an off-night for the Tampa Bay Lightning in their pursuit to defend the Stanley Cup. I go to Dan’s to see it because I don’t have regular TV. He played hockey when he was a kid, defense because he’s a big guy. And of course I paid my 10 or 12 years worth of dues as a committed hockeymom. I still like the game, a lot. So I’ll be back at his house tomorrow night. Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Championship.
Right now, though, I am off to make myself a hot fundge sunday with sugar-free hot fudge and Dulce de Leche ice cream. Mmmmmm.
Love and light to everyone.