I have a headache. So far in the last few days I’ve had 2 killer headaches, pulled a muscle in my right SI joint, which was, is, my good leg, and for good measure, I had lower GI issues.
Before you tell me I better get my butt to the doctor, I will tell you I was just there last week, to discuss with her if there’s an alternative to insulin for me, and to get myself off of a diabetes med which I just found out has a black box warning. And to get some additional physical therapy for my back, which is the lingering issue I have with the whole spinal thing that resulted in surgery 18 months ago. Of course, I didn’t have a headache when I saw my dr., or lower GI stuff, or a pulled muscle. But I digress.
I think all these physical issues are primarily caused by COVID. My son and his family are better, just some lingering stuff like a cough, and exhaustion. And even that wouldn’t be such a big deal except that my grandson is about to join us in a few weeks. So yeah, I’ve been preoccupied with worry. But it’s not just him, it’s flying to CO while we hatch over 1,000,000 new cases a day. I haven’t seen my son for 2 years because I didn’t want to walk through an airport, but now I HAVE to go. I am, somewhere under all this worry, so excited to be there. I wouldn’t miss his birth for anything, which is obvious because I’m going.
But that brings a bunch of other minor stuff to obsess over. Like, I don’t own a winter coat. And I can’t seem to buy one in FL unless I’m willing to pay full price, which I’m not because I will not wear it again after I get home. Unless my son can convince me to go to CO again in the winter. But he might, so I’m leaving the coat I end up with in CO. Then there’s the slight problem I have walking through airports because I can’t really walk very far. However, I’ve been told that I can get on one of those golf car thingys and hitch a ride to baggage claim. My son will meet me there and I’ll be fine.
I also don’t have much in the way of warm clothes. But I bought enough layerable sweaters from Goodwill and from Amazon to get by. Like boots, and a warm robe, and some warm pj’s. And warm slippers.
Now add to this, I am going to be gone more than a month, and that makes me uncomfortable. After 2 years of staying home or at Dan’s, breaking isolation for a very occasional meal out when the Covid numbers were down. Once all my friends were vaccinated and boosted, we kind of thought we were safe and resumed our book club and writers group meetings. Now that we are somewhere around 80,000 cases a day here, we canceled them all again and will have them on Zoom again. Which is kinda nice, I’ll be able to attend if anyone can host the meetings.
Plus one of the lenses in my new glasses is loose, so I need to go get that fixed. Minor, but a hassle.
Then there’s Dan’s 95-year-old mother, whose newest obsession is that when she gets hot or chilly she’s sure she has Covid. Like 5 times a day, she’s calling him telling him in her weakest most frail voice to come over because she has Covid. He walks 80’ to her condo and adjusts the thermostat and Covid amazingly disappears. Please understand that she NEVER goes anywhere, and she’s told all her friends they can’t come over. It’s minor for me, but it’s really hard on Dan. It’s a constant undercurrent of our life together.
So, tonight I am sitting with my headache and realizing that I have let my worries spiral out of control. I’m feeling the physical manifestations of stressing myself out over this amazing gift of a grandson I am about to be given. I need to spend some time in grateful meditation. I need to breathe, in through the nose, out through the mouth. I need to eat good, nourishing food. I need to take a walk or ride the bike at the gym and work up a sweat and get my head into a better place.
If you made it this far as I work through this stuff, I thank you so much. My head already feels better. And I’m breathing.
Love and light everyone.