I trust my gut, almost implicitly.  If something gives me that unsettled feeling in my stomach, I don’t do it, or say it, or go along with it.

You may remember awhile ago A, the guy I saw for a few weeks when I wasn’t seeing S, wanted to take me out to dinner, to see me once more before he moves out west.  My first reaction was that I didn’t want to.  Then I thought that was kind of mean and bitchy.  About two weeks ago he asked if I could go out with him the weekend of May 8, Mother’s Day weekend.

I responded that weekends were tough.  They would be tough, because I usually can see S on the weekends and I’m not giving that up for anyone.  Of course I only said they were tough and didn’t add an explanation. I said how about during the week.  A replied yes, that’ would be fine, we’d firm the date up later that week.  Well I didn’t hear from him again for 2 weeks, till yesterday, when he wished me Happy Mother’s Day via text.  I thanked him.  And I hoped beyond hope that he had let it go.

I know he is moving soon, so I was hoping he’d just go….I mean we only went out for about 2 1/2 or 3 weeks as anything besides friends.  It’s not like a long term big romance.  So I hoped he’d just thought better of the idea and let it go. That would have been my wish, but no.

He just texted me and asked me if I could go out Thursday night.  I was waiting for a text from S, and when I saw it was from A, my gut slid into a very uncomfortable place.  I don’t want to go.  My gut is telling me not to go.

What reason could I give him?  A hundred scenarios ran through my head.  The most frequent was that I had asked S if he wanted to come over Tues or Thurs nights, since I am working late on Wed. night, which, if S and I see each other during the week, it’s usually Wed night.  But that’s none of A’s business.  Idk if S could even come, but the main thing is, was, is, I don’t want to go out with A.  The very idea makes my stomach feel unsettled.

It’s not that S would even get upset over it.  He’s the one who told me to go say goodbye to the guy.

I just don’t want to.  My heart is with S, A was a brief interlude from that, but it didn’t take me long to realize where my heart lay.  I don’t want to be a bitch, I just don’t feel right about it.  I’ve always been a one man woman, and even though my relationship with S is clearly undefined, it is a relationship of some sort, and I don’t have any desire to have a one on one dinner with another man, even if we are “just friends”.  And anyway, if A wasn’t holding on to something, he wouldn’t want to see me so bad.

So, back to what to tell him.  Suddenly, it occurred to me I just had to say no.  I didn’t have to give him some grand run-down of why I couldn’t go.  I just couldn’t go.

I texted him back and said, I’m sorry A, I already have plans for Thursday night. Thanks anyway.

Simple.  And now my stomach isn’t upset anymore.  Hopefully, A got the message, and will let it go.  Who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky and S will come over.  That, my  gut tells me, would be just fine.