Reality Check

Reality is the conjectured state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or might be imagined. In a wider definition, reality includes everything that is and has been, whether or not it is observable or comprehensible. – Wikipedia

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Trying to sort through memories, dreams, visions, events, people who came and left in the last year.  How much of it was real?  How much of it was conjecture on my part?

What was real, aside from putting my head on my own pillow at night, by myself.  The chaotic energy of my son in the house. The morning meditations.  The mundane household tasks.

How much of love was real?  How much of the passion was real?  How much of it was just created.  Just me trying so hard to get what I wanted.

So…how much of the ugly was real?  If the love maybe wasn’t completely real, maybe all the ugly wasn’t either.

I’ve been reading Byron Katie’s books on The Work.  The four questions….

1. Is it true?  2. Can you know absolutely that it’s true? 3. How do you react, how do you feel, when you think that thought? 4. Who would you be without that thought?

Answers:  1. I don’t know.  I thought so, but maybe not. 2. No. No. NO.  3. I am emotional.  4. Relaxed, happy, non-judgmental.

I don’t know what was real, and what wasn’t.  But I do know this.

Love never hurts. It never makes you feel bad about yourself. It never makes you insecure.  If it’s doing that 75% of the time, and bringing you joy 25% of the time, it’s not love.  Especially, when you’re the only one whose thinking it is.

Well….whether or not it was love isn’t really important now, because the love, if that’s what it was, is gone.  Poof!  In a big cloud of epithets cast for reasons not fully understood, it’s gone.

I think though,  it’s floating around in the universe, waiting to come back where it’s real.

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