I think I need to take a break.  Not sure.  Just, my emotions are on a roller coaster.  I hate him. I loved him.  I never want to speak to  him again.  If I don’t hear his voice I’m gonna lose my mind.  If I don’t find out what happened, I may never eat or sleep again.

I’m a mess.  I sent him a text today, telling him that I never badmouthed him until he told me Betty Boop was back in his life, to be happy for him, and that it’s all he ever wanted.  And then I told him not to try to contact me cuz he won’t be unblocked for the foreseeable future.

Then I got home, and I’m distraught, tired from a 10 hr day at work, I have barely been able to eat all day, and I want to lay down and just cry.  I just want some answers, and if I’m honest, I want to hear him.  I sent him another text telling him I was unblocking him.

Like I said, a mess.  A royal effing mess. My son made pizza, I couldn’t even look at it.  I made bacon and eggs, and an english muffin.  Can’t eat the bacon.  It’s making me nauseous.

Why can’t I let him go, why can’t I let it go?  What do I care if he’s with Betty Boop?  If that’s what he wants, he deserves it.  Does he want it?  Idk.  Do I want him? Idk.

So, I think I’m going to try to just stop blogging for a day or so.  Maybe writing all this down, and re-reading it just keeps me on a roller coaster.  Maybe I just need to stop, stop writing, and stop thinking so much about it.  Need to just go read a book or something.  Meditate for a couple hours.

See you on the flip side.