I think I need to take a break. Not sure. Just, my emotions are on a roller coaster. I hate him. I loved him. I never want to speak to him again. If I don’t hear his voice I’m gonna lose my mind. If I don’t find out what happened, I may never eat or sleep again.
I’m a mess. I sent him a text today, telling him that I never badmouthed him until he told me Betty Boop was back in his life, to be happy for him, and that it’s all he ever wanted. And then I told him not to try to contact me cuz he won’t be unblocked for the foreseeable future.
Then I got home, and I’m distraught, tired from a 10 hr day at work, I have barely been able to eat all day, and I want to lay down and just cry. I just want some answers, and if I’m honest, I want to hear him. I sent him another text telling him I was unblocking him.
Like I said, a mess. A royal effing mess. My son made pizza, I couldn’t even look at it. I made bacon and eggs, and an english muffin. Can’t eat the bacon. It’s making me nauseous.
Why can’t I let him go, why can’t I let it go? What do I care if he’s with Betty Boop? If that’s what he wants, he deserves it. Does he want it? Idk. Do I want him? Idk.
So, I think I’m going to try to just stop blogging for a day or so. Maybe writing all this down, and re-reading it just keeps me on a roller coaster. Maybe I just need to stop, stop writing, and stop thinking so much about it. Need to just go read a book or something. Meditate for a couple hours.
See you on the flip side.