Straight From the Bottle

I’m about to drink wine straight from the bottle. Because I don’t have a glass that’s not packed. I feel like I need to sit back and relax.  (There’s only about 1 glass left in the bottle.)  I’ve been going full tilt since 8:30 am and it’s now 5:30. Vacuumed and mopped the basement floors, and cleaned the fridge in there. It was my sons fridge, he’s 24. That should be enough to explain how much fun that was. I did score 4 beers out of it, lol, but I don’t really like beer. Oh well. Someone will drink it.

My two besties came over this morning and cleaned out my pantry and freezer. Their husbands cleaned out the garage. By cleaned out, I mean that they took all the food that was edible out of the pantry, and all the stuff from the garage that I couldn’t sell or give away.   Snow blower, weed wacker, space heaters, gas cans, all sorts of stuff.  Then the husbands helped me disconnect the TV, and put it in the box it has to go in for moving. Also the mirror which is attached to my dresser.

Then I packed more stuff. Like my printer, jewelry box, jewelry that doesn’t fit in my jewelry box, DVD player, hand soap dispensers and toothbrush holder. Cleaned two bathrooms.

Done for today. Done. Especially after talking to my sister for an hour, and my son for a half hour. I’m pretty spent.

I don’t have TV to watch tonight either. I can watch it on my computer though. So many people are asking to come by and say goodbye one more time. It’s really heartwarming. Because I don’t have time to go see everyone, but they are all willing to come here. I am grateful. Doing all this stuff alone has proven to be very hard.

The one person I really kind of hoped would say goodbye has remained silent. I’m not surprised, he couldn’t do the right thing on his best day. And neither could his girlfriend. Match made in heaven. Or maybe the other place. I’m over it, just think it would have been nice to leave things on a more positive note. He’s never been able to do things that are uplifting to anyone but himself anyway.

On the other hand, Addie, whose heart I broke over the silent one a few times, has been in touch, and still makes mefeel his   unconditional love.   I am so hsppy to hear from him. And happy that his girlfriend is secure enough and mature enough not to try to stop him.  Blessed to have that sweet man in my life, takes the sting out of the other one.

Well, onward. Not much left to do here. Thankfully. Wind it up and get my butt down to the land of sand, salt and palm trees. I’m ready.

Love and light.

I Need a Break

I think I need to take a break.  Not sure.  Just, my emotions are on a roller coaster.  I hate him. I loved him.  I never want to speak to  him again.  If I don’t hear his voice I’m gonna lose my mind.  If I don’t find out what happened, I may never eat or sleep again.

I’m a mess.  I sent him a text today, telling him that I never badmouthed him until he told me Betty Boop was back in his life, to be happy for him, and that it’s all he ever wanted.  And then I told him not to try to contact me cuz he won’t be unblocked for the foreseeable future.

Then I got home, and I’m distraught, tired from a 10 hr day at work, I have barely been able to eat all day, and I want to lay down and just cry.  I just want some answers, and if I’m honest, I want to hear him.  I sent him another text telling him I was unblocking him.

Like I said, a mess.  A royal effing mess. My son made pizza, I couldn’t even look at it.  I made bacon and eggs, and an english muffin.  Can’t eat the bacon.  It’s making me nauseous.

Why can’t I let him go, why can’t I let it go?  What do I care if he’s with Betty Boop?  If that’s what he wants, he deserves it.  Does he want it?  Idk.  Do I want him? Idk.

So, I think I’m going to try to just stop blogging for a day or so.  Maybe writing all this down, and re-reading it just keeps me on a roller coaster.  Maybe I just need to stop, stop writing, and stop thinking so much about it.  Need to just go read a book or something.  Meditate for a couple hours.

See you on the flip side.