In my morning meditation today, I saw my relationship with S like a tree in autumn. One by one the leaves, the things that made it special, fell off the tree, onto the ground. The tree is now bare. The leaves, the things that made it special, lay on the ground, transforming.
Energy can’t be created or destroyed. What was appears to be no more. But it exists, in another form. It becomes something new. New growth from old decay. I look for the signs of freshness, having let go of the old dead leaves. I seek the tenderness of a new bud of love somewhere, that can grow within me and someone else.
I can’t harbor hate and anger, I can’t even feel bad about what was, what has ended. I can only wish love and light to the old life, and the hope that the transformation is a beautiful thing for all involved. It will be what it is, it will fit each of us as we allow it, as our level of consciousness allows.
While the leaves of that relationship have been decaying, the buds of another have been forming, deep within another tree, waiting for a new season of the heart to be seen. It may be that those leaf buds, new and fresh, begin to open, slowly, gracefully, hopefully, as the last dead leaves fall off the old tree. I think transformation has begun for me.