Pondering Mindfulness

were-not-held-back

Perusing my FB page this morning, I came across a mindfulness program, which lasts a year, for $27 a month. There were great teachers in the program. If I was rich I might consider it. But I’m not. So I won’t buy it, though I did sign up for a free video.

I will though, try to focus on being more mindful. More present in the moment. More in tune to the world around me. Instead of spending a lot of time focusing on what I want it to be, I will try to accept it the way it is.

Now, acceptance and approval are two different things. I can still work for change, and I think right now it’s important to do that, with a mentally ill president and a bunch of fools around him buying into his power and control thing. But it’s like the riptide, you gotta swim with it, accepting that you are in a riptide, and then swim out of it. Fighting the fact that the riptide is what is, could kill you.  It’s what Brene Brown calls “leaning into the discomfort.”

I have found myself so angry at what’s been going on. Angry enough it made me almost get into arguments with people who even agreed with me, because I felt they weren’t understanding it enough. And they were, they were as angry as me. It is easy to make that step, and it’s only a step, from anger to hate. And hate is never where I want to be.

So, first I must practice extending love. Teach with love, react with compassion. Find joy in the day even though. When I find myself ready to make that step from anger to hate, my foot poised above the step, I know then I have to take some time to myself, to remember who I am, what my purpose here is, and count my blessings. Again.

For instance, I read an article from the NYTimes, or maybe Washington Post, explaining how tRump and his policy wonks are gaslighting us. And I know they are, I have been gaslighted by my own husband and it’s terrifying when you realize someone is trying to make you feel crazy. Then I read another, from one of those two prestigious papers, telling how husbands are far more deadly than terrorists in this country.

And knowing that, I need to still find joy in the day. I sit on my sisters porch, I wave at her neighbors out for their morning walk. I listen to the birds, and smell the salt air, and feel the breeze gently caressing me. I have spent a week with my two sisters, and I know I am so blessed, there is so much to feel blessed about.

All I’m saying is, be mindful of your blessings, as well as of the things that need changing in this world. When it’s time to fight for the common good, fight. When it’s time to sit back and know the world is indeed a beautiful place, sit back and be grateful. Feel the gratitude for everything you can think of. Family, friends, the food in your fridge, the air you breathe. Gratitude.

I truly believe that love is the only power that can cure this world. Hate begets more hate, anger begets more anger, fear begets more fear. And love begets more love.

Like Marianne Williamson said, in The Return to Love, “We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present.” I will try to mindfully react to things by extending love. More.

Love and light, all…..

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Yep, Mercury is Still in Retrograde and the Crazies Are Out

Boy, it must be my day. Is Mercury still in regrograde? Let me go look. Yes, for 2 more days.

I got a message from a guy in whom I would never have any interest. Short, chubby, no hair, lol. Not that I’m really that shallow, but also his profile says conservative. Here’s his message:

“Sorry, but I don’t date liberals, even pretty ones like you.” ????? My response, “That’s fine with me, I don’t date conservatives of any type. I didn’t realize I’d given you the impression I was interested.” Because I had never talked to him or seen him before I got that arrogant message. When he got it he blocked me. WTF?  I mean, good, really.  Because then he can’t see my profile again.

Then, I get a flirt, which is just an automated thing saying I’m interested in you, from this extremely handsome, well built ex-military guy, who has two pics up and one is in full camo, with his automatic weapon at the ready. Again…not my type. But since he was not obnoxious I was not either. My response was: “Thanks for the flirt! Always a pleasure to receive from such a good-lookin’ man. But….I’m very liberal. And I think that would make a relationship hard. Then again, if you completed your profile, and I had a sense of who you were, who knows. Have a nice day!” Because the conservative part only showed up in his stats, there was no essay about himself. But I thought it was a thoughtful, kind, and real response.

I just got a message back from him. “I would NEVER get along with a very liberal person, would not be able to understand your thinking process….most liberals are hypocrites….not saying you are, but 95% are.” Ok, that was totally inappropriate as a response to my measured and real, but not unpleasant answer to him. In fact, he pissed me off, as most conservatives do. So here’s what I answered back: “Well, I think most conservatives are self serving power hungry egomaniacs out for themselves and don’t give a damn about the people who are really in need. Not saying you are, but most of the ones I’ve met are. Have a good life.” Maybe he’ll block me too. LOL.

So what is up with this? My profile says I’m liberal, so leave it the fuck alone of you hate liberals so much. Pretty simple, I just skip over them if they say conservative. These days it’s a big deal. Why would some dude just send me that first message, especially when it was the first contact ever? And why did the 2nd guy get so angry when I simply pointed out a difference between us that most likely could not be overcome?

This is what scares me. Really. That this country is so polarized that people take offense and feel the need to tell off anyone of a different mind than them. So much hate and anger, and it’s mostly from the people who won the election. Maybe it’s because the Cheeto man is proving every day how he manipulated their vote, how he’s not keeping a single campaign promise, how he’s out for their pockets…. Like the FB meme says, “Oh this is the face you make when you realize that Obama wasn’t coming for your guns, but Trump is coming after your Social Security and Medicare.”

I keep saying Trump is a sociopath, and I think a lot of his electorate is as well. They cannot stand to be wrong. They will lie, and then tell another to cover it up. Lying is pathological with them. I was married to one, I totally understand the personality type. I did nothing for 5 years but try to understand how I got myself into such a fix with him. And trust me, I get it now. But man,

I’m inclined to use Juan’s closing line, This too will pass, but I’m totally afraid it won’t. So I’ll stick to wishing everyone love and light.

Love and light, everyone….

The Transormation of the Leaves

In my morning meditation today, I saw my relationship with S like a tree in autumn.  One by one the leaves, the things that made it special, fell off the tree, onto the ground.  The tree is now bare.  The leaves, the things that made it special, lay on the ground, transforming.

Energy can’t be created or destroyed.  What was appears to be no more.  But it exists, in another form.  It becomes something new.  New growth from old decay.  I look for the signs of freshness, having let go of the old dead leaves.  I seek the tenderness of a new bud of love somewhere, that can grow within me and someone else.

I can’t harbor hate and anger, I can’t even feel bad about what was, what has ended.  I can only wish love and light to the old life, and the hope that the transformation is a beautiful thing for all involved.  It will be what it is, it will fit each of us as we allow it, as our level of consciousness allows.

While the leaves of that relationship have been decaying, the buds of another have been forming, deep within another tree, waiting for a new season of the heart to be seen.  It may be that those leaf buds, new and fresh, begin to open, slowly, gracefully, hopefully, as the last dead leaves fall off the old tree.  I think transformation has begun for me.

Namaste.  Namaste.