I was so angry last night, to find out that the deception was far beyond what I had believed. The difference is,I wasn’t hurt by it. This weekend, after I had that moment and sent him an innocuous email, I really haven’t missed him at all, haven’t wanted to be with him, could think about him with no emotion. So I suppose the universe decided it was a good time for me to get the whole truth. I hate a liar. I mean really hate them. My ex was pathological, and S…he is maybe too. He apparently loves to be manipulating peoples emotions. He’s worse, really. My ex would manipulate situations. He never tried to manipulate my emotions about him. Whatever. S is a scumbag asshole, he and Betty Boop can live in their deceptive bliss. It is so tempting, now that I know her name and could easily get her address, to consider disabusing her of her ignorant bliss. But I think it’s more effective to let karma play it out. I just want to get distance from that whole sordid ridiculous childish bullshit. I could stir the pot, I could cause massive problems. But it’s not me. Let him play his games with her, he’ll get found out, and I’m pretty sure she likes the games or is dumber than me, if she doesn’t see what he’s up to.
A texted me last night, at about 10. I’m usually going to bed, but I was so angry I stayed up and talked to him. I didn’t tell him about it, but just talking to him calmed me down. We stopped talking about me going there, but began a conversation about him coming here over Christmas-New Years. IDK. I am so conflicted. But thinking that I’ve never had a bad moment with him, he has been instrumental in my healing from the scumbag. Maybe I should give us a chance. He’s loving, and kind, and sweet. Now that I’m really free of S maybe I should give it a chance to see what’s there.
So, life goes on. I feel good this morning. To be free, to have a kind wonderful man in my life who loves me, and the possibility of something. At least, options that give me nothing but pleasure.