Feeling all over the place this morning.  Trying to put this stuff in some kind of random order, so I know where I am.

I went out with a friend last night.  First time I have been out in ages, maybe since S and I split up.  It was good for me.  We went to a little Italian restaurant and sat at the bar.  It’s in a small town on the Connecticut River. A band began to play at 9, and opened with Van Morrison’s “Into the Mystic”, which is one of my favorite songs of all time.  Then they did Van Morrison’s “Caravan”.  Also love that.  Love Van Morrison.  Then they did 2 Neil Young songs, “Old Man” and “Heart of Gold”. Love him too.

It’s been AGES since I listened to live music. They were pretty good too, and funny between songs.  They could have used a sax on the Van Morrison stuff but it was still great.  I was sitting in my bar stool, singing along, kind of seat dancing to it.  I laughed when they played Tom Petty “I Won’t Back Down” because the first time I saw a psychic, I was battling with S over his offers of a “nice afternoon”, aka a physical relationship.  And the spirits and guides that showed up, the psychic said, came in singing that song.  She, the psychic, had never met me before, and only knew my first name.  She said, “they’re singing Stand your ground, don’t back down.”  My friends kept looking at me while she was telling me this, we had just discussed this on the way to the psychic in the car.

So here I was listening to this music, first “Into the Mystic” which S always said was his favorite Van Morrison song, and Neil Young.  One night S and I watched a 2 hour special on Neil Young.  I remember laying in his bed one afternoon listening to a Neil Young CD, such a pleasant afternoon.  And then “I Won’t Back Down” which made me laugh.  Lots of his energy hanging around me.

It was around all day yesterday, I was feeling his energy.  Strongly in the morning, not so much in the afternoon.  Then last night at about 1:30 I was wide awake and had some very strong feelings from him.  I fought with myself not to do what I would have done 2 or 3 months ago and sent him a text asking if he was ok, or wanted to talk.  It felt panicky.  But I didn’t.  I knew that doing that would end up in the wrong place, would be taken wrong.  And just because I feel it, doesn’t mean he wanted to talk to me.  If he did, or does, want to talk to me,  he knows how to reach me.  I let him deal with it himself, and finally got to sleep by sending him reiki to calm him down energetically.  Of course, he didn’t ask, but if he doesn’t want the reiki energy he won’t get it.  It will just hang outside his aura.  It can never hurt….  I felt everything calming finally, maybe it just calmed me.  But anyway, I got 4 or 5 hours of sleep finally.

Thinking  of going to the shore this weekend.  We are having exceptional weather for December.  Sunny, not too cold. I need to put up a notice at the yacht club to try to sell my boat slip, and I haven’t been to the water for a long long time.  It would do me a lot of good.  Maybe take a sandwich over to the park where S and I had our first date.  It’s a beautiful place.  I don’t think it would trigger anything bad, but would bring some peace.  Maybe tomorrow, it’s going to be close to 60°, which is crazy here in December.

So it’s all good.  I’ll get a lot of stuff done around the house today, make a nice dinner for my son and I.  Maybe catch up with some friends.  Just a nice quiet life.