It was 7° this morning when I went to get fasting bloodwork done at 6 AM. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist next week. It’s just routine. But dang…bad enough to be out at 6 am, let alone have it cold enough to freeze the buggars in your nose.
Seems my mind was a little cluttered today. Scott, Maggie, online communications, work….
I found myself wanting to call him this morning, leave a voice mail, just saying, “I miss you.” But I didn’t. I know he doesn’t want to hear from me, just one of those things I know. Why I would miss him….when I stand back and observe myself, I have no idea, except it’s that connection, that just tugs at me every once in awhile. I got over it, I was glad I didn’t. If he heard that it would be like a pass for him. Like asking to get set up again. No matter what our infinite relationship is, the one here in this world is on hold, or non-existent, for the time being. As it should be.
But I do still, see his soul, and not all the bullshit he hides it under. I suppose I always will, I always have. That light, when he exposes it, is blindingly beautiful. He just never lets it stay lit. And I’m also real, and I don’t want to ever go through something like that again. Until he can learn to value love, he will always be sad and alone, I’m afraid.
Tomorrow I have to take Maggie to the vet for surgery. I’m going to be praying all night that I don’t have to have her put down.
I began a conversation with a man online tonight that for some reason seem hopeful to me. He likes the beach and said maybe I can teach him to find sea glass. He’s nice looking in his picture too. And he lives fairly close, no more than 20 minutes from me. I can only hope. So often they go nowhere.
I’m feeling so much more settled tonight with everything. Peaceful. Just concerned about Maggie’s surgery tomorrow.
I guess this blog tonight was for de-cluttering, lol.
Love and light, everyone.
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
Peace and many good thoughts regarding Maggie’s surgery tomorrow.
Thank you my friend. Xo
Hope Maggie gets on okay. I am in awe of the tender skills of vets and their concern for their patients.
I dropped her off and the vet tech I spoke to said her blood work didn’t give any indication that it had spread. So that was hopeful news. She will likely be there overnight. She was certainly not happy to be in the carrier for the 20 ride to the vet! But hoping for the best.
Fingers crossed! Keep us posted.
Thanks 😊
I so know of what you speak! While i am much better there are still days, like yesterday when I go back and forth, wanting him, missing him to being in the now and knowing that all that is past and needs to stay there… but sometimes the knowing just isn’t enough, but it is enough more and more often now so that is a positive sign. He posted some stuff on his facebook today, a quote from a spirit guide that just made me furious-his posting of it, not the quote itself-, just more of his act to get others to feel sorry for him, for more women to think “oh that poor sweet man, he needs me” such crap. there is not one ounce of genuine caring and love in him… see what I mean, I’m ok one second and than launch into a rant like that last sentence the next! sometimes i think I’m losing my mind, again! 🙂 I am very glad to hear that your Maggie is ok, we had to put a cat down two weeks ago, very sad… hugs, M.
Oh I’m with you in that. I have resigned myself to the idea that we will always be connected. I will always feel his energy at times. But unless he can mature spiritually at light speed, we won’t be together in this life. So so many signs telling me that he is my twin flame. It’s undeniable for me at this point. But my heart is very open now to finding a new love. I don’t want a soul mate, lol i just want to be in love again. With a normal man. Well I’ll clarify, a msn that can be faithful to one woman. Seems like he must be out there!!!
I hope he is out there and if you find him, see if he has a brother for me! I am open to loving again, but don’t feel I can until i get this idiot out of my heart, kind of scars me that maybe I will never be able to do that…. yes, a faithful man would be lovely… forgot how nice that must be… 🙂 hugs, M.
You’ll get past it. I know you don’t think it’s possible but it is. Time and distance. But how you feel is where I was when my medium friend suggested we are twin flames. I cried. I don’t want to always feel him, to always know what he’s feeling, I wanted to break the connection. I tried and tried. Doesn’t work. Can’t be broken. So I have to keep rising, as she told me, and let it be. I’m going to figure it out. I can’t do that again, and I can’t let it stop me from loving someone.