Feeling a little introspective this morning.  The confusion I wrote about a few days ago still exists.  At times it doesn’t bother me, at times I’m sick of it.  At times I want to just move away from it toward something simple.

Florida.  I did some ground work on social security when I was home with the snow Friday.  I had forgotten that if I collect while I’m working I will get less, much less.  It seems I have to rethink my plans.  I still will sell the house and move, but have to live off of my own money til at least next January.  And how much will that cost me?  I don’t really want to use that money.  So If I move, I will have to work there at least somewhat.  I’ll need to earn some extra money so as not to deplete my own saving/investments.  At least until January of next year.  But I’m thinking if I’m gonna wait til January, wait til April, when I will be of full retirement age, and the monthly amount I get will go up.

So here’s hoping that I can find a fairly mindless, easy job for 20 or 25 hours a week when I move.  Nothing that requires the big decisions. At my current job, we brought in someone for a month to just do filing.  That kind of job.  I could file for 20 hours a week, lol.

Medicare is its own nightmare to figure out.  I talked so someone about it, and I can probably save money by going on it, and buying the supplemental care, and it will be a better insurance policy.  But I need to talk to my boss about it too.  I’ll do that this week.  I need prescription drug coverage, since I’m diabetic.

This country makes it hard to retire, and collect the benefits I have worked for for 50 years.  It’s crazy.

My son and I are making our monthly trip to Sam’s Club today to stock the house.  I have to stop at Michael’s and get some jewelry supplies on the way.  I’ll be making jewelry I guess, during the Superbowl.  I think  it’s the first one I’ve been home alone for since I left my marriage.  Not that it’s a big deal, really.

My son will be at a Superbowl party somewhere. As he should be.

When I was married, we used to make a bunch of homemade finger food.  Good stuff, and it was just an excuse to eat and drink.  It was about as festive as my ex and I ever got.  He was a good cook, so I didn’t do it all by myself, which was nice.  But I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop though, when it involved drinking with him.  He might be in a good mood, and just pass out.  Or he might morph into the creature from the depths and we’d all end up in our separate rooms, terrified.

It does make me think, how I miss the days when my friends kids and my son were all in school and we all saw each other a lot.  I didn’t think that group would ever disband, but without our kids activities binding us, everyone is drifting apart, not nearly so tight as we were.  I miss those days.  I don’t have many single friends.  It never mattered before, but it seems now….as my core group of friends drifts apart, I wish I had a few more single friends to hang out with.

I did a lot of cooking yesterday.  Homemade hot and sour soup, buffalo chicken meatballs.  I guess I was just in the mood.  It’s good Superbowl food anyway.  Maybe it’s a habit.  Maybe I was hoping for a last minute invite somewhere.  It’s also good food to have in the fridge so I can have a real meal when I get home from work.

Changes.  Everything changes doesn’t it.  It’s the only thing we can count on.  Change will come, whether we want it or not. Good to learn how to accept that which is.

I guess it’s time for gratitude. I have so much to be grateful for.  When I think about it, I feel kind of like a whiny child, lol, wishing for things to be so different than they are.  I guess that’s what Florida is all about.  Recreating something closer to what I dream of.  And being grateful for the opportunity and the ability to do it.

Love and light.



5 responses to “Changes

  1. You’re going to be all right. You’re young and fabulous; ignore the chronological data and go with how you feel inside. Society is always telling us about milestones and limiting us. If this is what’s right for you, go with it. You have no limitations. Be blessed. Chanting for you.

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