Someone told me tonight that my ability to forgive is amazing. While that is a compliment, (I think, lol), I thought about it for awhile, and why that is. I have endured a lot of pain at someone else’s hand, yet I can’t stay angry, and I am constantly looking for a way to forgive, and move on, move forward.
I think that the poster below says it better than anything I could. Brene Brown explains human nature to me as no one else has ever been able. When I read this, I know this person doesn’t believe they are worthy of love and belonging. I know they are, worthy of it, that’s all. I know everyone is, just because they exist, for no other reason.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what was done to me was right, it doesn’t mean I want that person in my life. It just means that what they did cannot hurt me anymore, and it recognizes that people are generally doing the best they can. The best they can based on their level of consciousness at the time. It doesn’t mean that I want that level in my life. Forgiveness acknowledges a person’s innate worth. As she says, it’s an irreducible need of all people to be loved. I will always love this person. I have forgiven everything. And I move on with my life.
If you have been hurt by someone, or something, and you can’t seem to get your footing back, I highly recommend Brene Brown’s book, Rising Strong. She will help you get off the floor and back to a standing position, to heal your wounds and move on with your life.
Sound advice but I absolutely cannot forgive…ever. I can’t get beyond the belief that forgiveness is just a free pass for the offender. It makes THEM feel better.
Usually they don’t even know you did it. My ex has no idea that I ever forgave him, but until I did, he maintained control over me by keeping me angry and hurt and abused. Now I’m free of him. It never meant that what he did to me was right, it just meant that he couldn’t hurt me anymore and gave me back my life. It’s very freeing. But not something you can force. It happens when it happens. Big hugs….
I guess. I remember Loser screaming at me “I want you to forgive me!” He asked me again later, in a more calm voice but I just can’t do it. You’re right….he will never know if I do or don’t….but I will.
Forgiveness is a courage.
I myself I have hard time to forgive, once a trust is broken it will always remain like this/.
You’re right Nadine. Trust is a completely separate issue. I don’t trust this person, but I forgive him. I know he doesn’t have the tools to make decisions that would build trust, but I feel sorry for him because of it. In the meantime, I can love him always, forgive him, and move on to find someone who can love me the way I can love, and can trust.
Just remember, forgiveness is for the forgivER, not the forgivEN. You release YOURSELF by forgiving. And one of the beauty things about this is that it then doesn’t even matter if someone actually wronged you in some way or if you just think / feel they did.
But you don’t need to say your forgiveness TO them. Remember, it’s not about them, it’s about you. The only way it becomes or continues to be about them has to do with how you treat them because you think they’ve done you wrong. If you’re holding a grudge against someone, even if it’s just at an energetic level, that will put a strain on your relationship if you are still around this person.
Now, just come up with your own personal short, generic affirmation that you can say any time forgiveness is in order. One affirmation that I used was “I forgive you and release you. There is no forgiveness that I withhold. My forgiveness for you is total. I am free and you are free.”
If it is you yourself who you feel needs forgiveness, then forgive yourself. Someone else’s forgiveness of you is THEIR business, not yours. You can’t force them to forgive you. If you did screw up with them, then just apologize and let them tend to the forgiveness.
And unconditional love does not mean that you need to be someone’s doormat. We’re allowed to set boundaries, to look out for ourselves and yes, if the energy they are currently carrying is not for you, then sometimes, it’s best to just love someone from afar.
Thank you for your comments. I think that we agree completely.