If I hurt you, and can’t apologize, will you want me in your life?
If I hurt you, and apologize, and then, do it again,
Because I’m sure you will forgive me,
Will you want me in your life?
If I hurt you, and apologize, and then do it again,
Because I’m sure you will forgive me,
And then am silent, because I’m embarrassed that I hurt you again
And ashamed
And I’m sure your hurt is not something I want to face,
Will you want me in your life?
If I hurt you, and apologize, and then do it again,
And then am silent, for awhile,
Because I’m ashamed,
Because I don’t want to remind you of what I did,
But then, one day, allow my ego
To send you a message which is angry, judgmental
of you,
Because I don’t like being responsible for the repercussions of my betrayal,
Will you want me in your life?
If you love me,
Will you forgive me?
If you forgive me,
Will you want me in your life?
If I decide to take a chance,
And apologize to you
Because I opened my heart
So it listens to my soul,
Instead of the voices in my head,
Will you want me in your life?
If I change my life,
So I stop hurting you,
And others
And myself,
I stop hurting myself,
Will you want me in your life?
If I trust that you will forgive me,
Because I know that your heart is open
and loving
And I ask you, and tell you what I know,
If I dream a new dream
And allow hope to draw joy,
Will you want me in your life?
Then, only then.
(And if they never reveal it, do you want them in your life?)
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
There is something so utterly tragic about this theme of a person doing the same things over and over again, like they are doomed to repeat their “mistakes”…
I remember asking these questions so many times… never could get any good straight answers..
But they are very good questions! Xo
You gotta wonder don’t you? Repeating and increasing and amplifying the pain each time they back away from accountability.. Why is it so hard for some to break out of that downward spiral? And it’s really so simple…. You’re right, it is tragic, so much life wasted. So much joy hanging out there waiting to be grabbed just beyond that short sightedness. Thanks for your comment….xo back atcha.
It is probably deeply rooted in them… that stuck with me when I read about narcissism: “deeply ingrained patterns (or disorder)”… that is why they can’t change, it is something that is so very hard wired into their brain… at one point I even had to laugh when I read something along the lines of that therapists often give up on them, since they are so extremely unlikely to change, or even want to change… Since it is part of the disordered thinking, that everyone else is wrong except the narc… *sigh/lol*. I wish it were different… 💜
It definitely is, but in my case, he is so unhappy all the time, always self sabotaging his life, you’d think he’d sit back and take stock. He can’t find a way to lasting joy, and it seems that should be enough to find a different path. It’s tragic, like you say.
I am tired of trying to figure him out… but nice post Deb, good writing. M.
Thanks M. I just sent you an email…xo
The true definition of insanity…repetitiveness. Forgive? No. Let them back into my life? Never.
Yes I reversed it, as if I was the one, on purpose. Because he was contacting me in cryptic weird ways. So I wanted him to see what I felt. But he probably didn’t get it. At any rate he’s left me alone now for 10 days. Because yes, he just repeats the same old thing. Push pull push. Pull. I got whiplash. Done with it.
LOL…whiplash. I imagine you do! 🙂