I hope I get some information on this stomach issue today. I am concerned, it has gone on way too long. It’s better, because I’m taking the prescription I was given, but I can tell it’s still there. I hope it’s just some kind of virus or bacterial infection. I had hoped it was just an intolerance to a medication for diabetes, but I’ve been off of that for days now, and the issue remains.
I am a firm believer that all illness has an emotional component, which in many cases is causal. I feel like the major emotional cause is all the stress from the S relationship over the last year. So much uncertainty, fear, and angst, and rejection, and grief. So much having to assimilate the deception on such a grand scale, having to swallow his lies to her about me, and live with them because he can’t step up to the plate and own what he did. I need to separate myself completely, and the fact that there is no contact at the moment is a good thing for me, it’s a good start. It gives me breathing space, to accept and move away from it. It’s not enough though. Because I know that we still communicate energetically, whether or not I want it to happen.
I have not figured out how to stop loving someone I love, and so I have not stopped with him. But I can’t continue to give to him, even energetically. It’s obviously draining me. I am covering my fear, and rejection, disappointment and grief at his inability to stand up and be counted. Just to own his own emotions and actions.
We hold our emotions in our solar plexus, and our sexuality and creativity in our sacral chakra. I have been holding all this pain in both of those places for so long now. I need to figure out how to completely let go of what was done to me, and to stop worrying about him as well. I know this in my head, and have begun setting my life up to do this, with the selling of my house and moving to Florida, but emotionally I have not let go. I can’t ignore the connection we have, it’s there, and ignoring it is false also. But I don’t know how to deal with it either. I don’t know how to not feel what I feel from him, but somehow I need to let that go, while being cognizant of it. It does no good to pretend it’s not there. It also is making me sick to focus in on it, to allow it to have such a prominent place in my psyche.
I have a friend who does some incredible energetic healing. I think I will call him, and maybe see him. I don’t know anyone else who can help me with this, at the level I am dealing with it. I definitely need some help with this, if I’m going to get through it whole. Even the gong baths are not enough to set me free.
So working out stuff this morning. A new day, a new week, and I need to be more proactive regarding my health and emotional well-being.
Love and light, all….