Arms locked around me,
My ear pressed against your chest,
I was listening to your heartbeat.
I was listening to your breath.

I wanted to know you were alive.
It was so hard to tell.
You kept it to yourself
And wanted me to guess.

I guessed.
I was right.

You were alive,
Barely.
Your heartbeat muted
Your breath shallow and labored.

Hidden by all the stories you told yourself.
All the anger at people
Long gone from your life.
All the fear you had
Of karma
Making you pay
For all the errors
of your closed mind.

Numb. Numb those feelings,
You said.
Don’t feel.
When you feel something,
Run back to the cave.
To the darkness.

Who are you hiding from?
Yourself?
There is no one else.
Just yourself.

Don’t venture out of the cave
Angry at me.
Pointing in my direction.
I only loved you once.
Turn your fingers around,
Point them at yourself.

Trying to die
While you still have life
Is a sin.
I’ll give you a clue.

It’s not the best you could do.