First Surrender, Then Gratitude

I was up for 2 hours in the middle of the night last night, worrying. About my son’s living arrangements, or lack of, in CO. About whether or not the people are going to accept my offer about the foundation cracks in the house. But more about my son. Because, that’s what we do. As mothers. I don’t care about the fact it could cost me $5000, I care that my son had no place to live in CO.

I wrote the poem this morning. My head hurt, my stomach was upset. Bad enough when your only child leaves home, but to leave it so far away, and not to yet know where he will go, if it will be safe…. My son and I have been through so much. I don’t want the terror visited on him by his father ever to visit him again. So, yeah, I’m a little over-protective I guess. But I’ve seen the dark side. I’ve worked too hard to leave it in our past, to take a chance again that it might find a way in.

So, then, on the way to work, I had a conversation with the Universe. It went something like this.

“I can’t do anything about this.” “It’s not in my control.” “I’m turning it over to you, because in your infinite wisdom, what should happen will happen. I am good with whatever it is. I’ll take him to FL and we will drive to CO from there if we have to. I just want him to be in a safe, comfortable place. But it’s up to you, what happens. I let go. I give it to you.”

Or something along those lines. I don’t remember exactly the words, they were thought words, running through my head.

Immediately, I felt physically better, and more able to face the day ahead at work.

I was at work about a half hour and my son called me. In a wicked (a very New England thing to say) cheery voice he said, “Hi, Mom. I think I really have a place this time.” He went on to tell me that he just talked to a woman for a half hour, she had a 4 bedroom home in the town he wants to live in. He said, “She’s a carbon copy of you Mom, she’s into spiritual healing and all that stuff. She teaches English to immigrants. She has another room you can rent if you come to see me, half the price of a hotel room. She’s gonna send me the application. She said I have a really great personality, and she has a really good feeling about me.”

So, what I did on the way to work, was surrender it to the Universe. Let go of attachment to the outcome, and trust.

And what I got in response was exactly the answer I needed.  Immediately. First After we hung up I just looked up and said, “Thank you.” I felt like crying. I have stressed so much over this.

He’s only going to live there a few months, but I think it is a perfect step down from the comfort of living with me, to living on his own. It is perfect. She sent the application tonight, he filled it out immediately and returned it. He will give her the security deposit, and I will feel safe enough to drive my son to CO.

I am so grateful right now. So grateful, on so many levels. Just can’t say more. He’s my only kid, and he’s an awesome kid. I’m just grateful.

Love and light.

5 responses to “First Surrender, Then Gratitude

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