My niece used to, 20 years ago, model for Elite Modeling Agency. They were a big name in that industry then. I have no idea if they are now. But we used to look at her and wonder how we got someone in our family that looked like her.
And then we remembered…..how awkward she could be. Trip over her own feet. Or a chair she was about to sit in. She was a good sport, she always laughed harder at herself than anyone else laughed at her.
I’ve found it awkward in my life to not be able to speak my truth. My friend here, Pat, has had an online relationship with this guy who purports to be in the service, who has a couple of times told her he’s coming home to the US, to see her. Promising her a relationship, a future. (So far he’s not asked her for money, and she has none to give him even if he did.) She wants so badly to believe him. I am pretty sure it’s a bunch of bullshit. He’s supposedly gonna be here in a few days. I am pretty sure he will come up with some grandiose scheme as to why he suddenly can’t. Or will disappear. He will break her heart, but I can’t say this to her. I can’t judge, and besides the heart will do what it’s gonna do. That’s one thing I’ve learned for sure, against all odds.
So it’s awkward, to hear her talk about him, and what he’s promised her. So awkward. So hard not to shake her and say, “What are you thinking?” I just tell her, I hope it all works out the way she’s dreaming it will.
So how do we deal with awkward? I think it’s by not judging. Trying to be non-judgmental is not always easy. But, it gets easier with practice. We never know what burdens someone else is carrying, that make them say or do things that might be awkward to reply to, in truth.
In the case of my friend, I’ve known her 50 years, but there’s a huge gap where we were out of touch. Still, I know where she came from. And how hard her life has been. I don’t want to see her hurt, but I also don’t want to throw rain on her parade. I mean, what if he’s telling her the truth? I told her, “you can’t know what the future is going to bring, but if he makes you happy now, just go with it.” And she is. She even asked me to take her to the airport to pick him up. I said I would….a promise I’m sure I’ll not have to keep.
There are awkward silences, when you know something should be said, needs to be said, but is not for reasons unknown. It’s awkward, because there is no opening for the truth, when there’s no communication. There is no opening for understanding, when there’s no communication. Yet, usually an awkward silence is shared by two people who care for each other, but fear of vulnerability has closed a door, or maybe built a wall.
Some awkwardness is easy, like my nieces, to deal with. We all laughed, we never judge in our family, we only love. Some awkwardness is hard, like that the ongoing issue with my friend. But I can only love her, and not judge her for being foolish with her life. An awkward silence? Yes, deal with it with love, and non-judgment, and trust the universe to figure it out.
Awkward is something everyone is, and everyone deals with. Remember to love yourself and the others. Remember not to judge yourself, or the others.
And trust….that it will all work out the way it’s supposed to.
Love and light, all.
This was written for the SoCS (Stream of Consciousness Saturday) prompt, which this week is “awkward”. To find out more about this prompt, please go to Linda G. Hill’s website page https://lindaghill.com/2016/09/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-116/