Call me a Halloween grinch. I am watching the Today show. I don’t normally watch TV in the morning or daytime, at all, but I’m still nursing this bug….
Anyway, they were having what I thought was a segment on making Special Halloween treats for your Halloween party this weekend. I missed most of the segment, because I wasn’t paying attention. I was walking around the house, and also trying to get comfortable on the couch because not going to therapy all week for my back and neck, combined with this bug has given me some uncomfortable issues this morning, that while not disabling, are irritating me. (The good news was that I slept through the night, first time all week, so things are on an upswing.)
I started watching and they had this tray full of little cannolis, that they were decorating for Halloween. Cute, I thought, but a lot of work for even an adult Halloween Party. But you know, some people get into that. Maybe they have a short cut to the pastry? They also had a tray of what looked to be small Halloween colored moon pies. I thought, ok, those are nice for your party. After all, a lot of Halloween parties will be tonight, the Saturday before Halloween.
But what they were making was DOG TREATS that looked like cannolis, and colorful moon pies. And decorated them all up for Halloween. In case “you want to spoil your dog a little bit.”
Please tell me. PLEASE. Would a dog know or fucking care if you took his dog treat, cut it like a canoli, painted it with frosting, and said, Oh look what I did for you? Would that really be a way to spoil your dog? Do you think they’d get the message? I mean, even a 2 year old might appreciate the effort slightly, and even if they didn’t you’d have a good picture to torture them with in 15 years. BUT A DOG?
If you hand a dog a dog treat that took you 5 or 10 minutes to make cute and Halloweenie stop first and say, “OH WAIT! (RUFF RUFF). I WANT TO SHOW MAX NEXT DOOR WHAT YOU DID FOR ME!!” Will the dog exclaim, “(RUFF!!) OH MOM! THIS (RUFF) IS MY FAVORITE DOG TREAT EVER!” Is the dog going to savor it, panting and drooling on the floor, lick the frosting off first, put it in his bowl and roll it around with his tongue so he can admire your work in detail, exclaiming his joy that you thought to do this for him?
NO NO NO!!!! He’s going to do the requisite number of barks to say please, and then he’s going to snarf that sucker into his mouth and swallow it in 3 seconds flat.
And then lick all the crumbs off the floor. Along with anything else that’s on the floor.
Will he then thank you for you effort? Will he say, Oh give me an orange one next? Will he want another? YES, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT DOGS DO. If the dog treat looked like a turd, he would eat it just as quickly, with just as much excitement, and with just as much gratitude.
Honest to God, I’m all for cute things for our kids, or even other people’s kids. Or my friends. But to spend an hour decorating dog treats to show them how much I love them? THEY WON’T GET THE MESSAGE FROM A CANNOLI-SHAPED AN DECORATED DOG TREAT. And if you think that they might, I think that you have some issues.
Ok, Rant over. I apologize if I offended anyone.
Note: I searched their website but the segment is too new to be up there yet. If I can find a picture there later, I will post it, and you can decide for yourself