Feeling a Shift

I’m feeling a shift, internally, lately. I can’t say from what to what, I don’t know. But I’m having a hard time sleeping. And writing, which is weird for me. I have been so used to just writing…whatever was in my head. I’m concerned now, with only writing something that means something. The internal workings of the mind are fraught with things that may or may not be true. I’m trying to decipher mine.

It suddenly seems ridiculously self-serving to talk about my love life, or actually, lack of one. Whichever it happens to be at the moment. To talk about how I ran errands, how nice the weather is here. As if it’s even interesting.

I suppose that it helped me, through a huge transition in my life. But it’s one of those things that I’ve now finishsed with. I’d like to write more poetry, less essays. The poetry has to come from my heart though. At my age, I have plenty to draw on to write about. Accessing it….that’s a different story. Well, a lot of us write poetry, and I’m sure we all have our methods. I still have a page and a half of a fictional story I started, but I am still blocked on where it’s going.

I feel like I think Liz Gilbert did, when she posted on FB one day saying, “Why is writing so exhausting?” She went on to say how hard it is sometimes, so emotionally draining. Especially her first book. Right now I’m exhausted. Not really from writing, but from attempting to. It’s ridiculous when you HAVE to write, and find a stop sign down every road your mind takes. I suppose it will change.

So back to the shift…..I have to sit with it until it is complete I guess.

A friend called me last night (see here I go again, the minutiae of my life) but she reminded me we have a big fund-raiser for the Veterans Art Center, some kind of networking event, tomorrow night. I’m glad she remnded me, it’s nice to have something to look forward to. She also told me she has the free Silver Sneakers program so can go to the Y for free, and is excited to go with me. She said she signed up but never wanted to go alone. I’d like to drop another 10 lbs, so hopefully with that, I’ll be able to.

And my bestie from home is coming Friday evening. I just found out, from this blog, lol, that there’s a big block party at a bar called O’Maddy’s, down on the waterfront for St. Patrick’s Day. So we’ll have something fun to do when she gets here. It will probably give me a real lift to see her.

Well, gradual change I guess, is how shift happens. Life is good, especially when I can go take a nap in the middle of the day, lol.

Love and light, all.

11 responses to “Feeling a Shift

  1. Yay for a shift! I am feeling it too, but the darkness is really pulling me back in a really hard and merciless way, too… it sort of feels like I am balancing on a sword’s edge, right now.. really hard to explain.. but I guess it will pass, too, I hope. I hooe for both you and me, that there will be mostly light… but I think I will have to write some dark poetry perhaps… 😉 Glad to see you have started trying with fiction! 😃🌹💪🖒

  2. Maybe when we’re not so sure of things, we write about the seemingly mundane things that we know – simple facts – until we discover that direction that feeds the soul and gets our blood flowing. I feel excited for you! And I’m thankful to know Liz Gilbert felt exhausted and emotionally drained writing her first book. I can’t tell you what a relief that is. Hugs and good wishes!

    • JoAnna, I was writing a book at the time, that I have not ever finished, lol, but I was writing a really hard part of it. I finished the hard part, and though, ok, I’m gonna take a break, get a glass of water, go on FB for a few. And the first post I saw was that one!!!! The very first. I commented and told her, how she motivated me to keep on keepin’ on. And she replied to me, to do just that keep on keepin on! OMG, I was screaming, lol. She really did…with that comment! In the post she said her first book made her cry all the time. LOL. Imagine….she’s had what, like 5 best sellers….Anyway, I guess it’s hard for all of us at times. Big hugs, I will find my way!

      • She cried all the time! OMG. That’s so awesome. I mean, it’s awesome that she replied to your comment, not that she cried all the time. But really, I’ve come close to crying about my book many times, but tend to hold myself back saying, that’s not something to cry about! I think I’m about to cry. Sometimes we need to get a LONG drink of water. Nothing is wasted. You are finding your way right now. Thanks for helping me find mine.

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