When Is An Apology Real?

I just got home from a long day trying to prepare the art center for the grand opening tomorrow. Hanging more art, and cataloging all of it, organizing the spreadsheets so that the we can know which gallery each piece of art hangs in. I am just amazed at the scope of this project, how much participation they have received, the volumes of art that is on display. I felt guilty leaving tonight, but my feet and ankles were just done after 8 or 9 hours of continuously being on them. So I went home, and hopefully will be of more use to them tomorrow than I could be if I stayed later tonight.

Most of the work I did today was fairly mindless, really, though. So I had a lot of time to think. I heard from the nameless one again….I know, I know. Ridiculous. I just kept thinking about how he keeps behaving in ways for which he has to apologize.  Why he can’t change his behavior, but he can’t. An apology which says, “I agree with everything you said” doesn’t mean a whole lot when you’ve heard it so many times. The behavior stays the same….I’ve begged him to leave me alone, and maybe he will now. I also actually feel genuine compassion for B. My anger with him had nothing to do with her, because I knew what he was up to.  He just managed to piss me off royally just by his arrogance, and his narcissism, and I just am so sick of it.  I was sick of it in December.  Didn’t talk to him for a couple months, but then the damn smoke alarm thing, geezus.   However, B didn’t know, apparently (even though I’d mentioned it before in my blog)…and he was telling her something else, from what I gather. I don’t know exactly what he was telling her, and I don’t want to know=. I was told he was not with her, but I guess she believed he was trying to turn over a new leaf. While he was not, while he was continuing with the same behavior he did 18 months ago, and it’s been pretty much on-going since I moved.  The only saving grace was that I am now 1500 miles away, and none of our conversations could be acted on.

Oh, I’m running on, just trying to think my way through the tangled web of lies, that somehow caught my leg and pulled me in. I just feel for her, to be blindsided yet again. But I’m so happy to be out of that triangle, and game that he plays. I feel bad for him, to not be able to change such self destructive behavior.

And I’m so happy to be having such a cool guy as L make me dinner next week. Such a big difference.

So tomorrow will be busy, and fun. Gonna get some dinner and rest. Love and light, everyone.

7 responses to “When Is An Apology Real?

  1. I am drawn to this sentence: “I’ve begged him to leave me alone, and maybe he will now.” The fact that he still contacts you after you’ve asked him not to, isn’t that the definition of harassment? Take care and be safe.

    • Yes, that’s the definition. I think he will stop now. I know him pretty well. Luckily there is a lot of distance between us. Thanks, JoAnna. It’s tiring, this is not my first go-round with this. But it is the last, for sure.

  2. Re: begging a narc to leave a person alone.. it has no effect whatsoever, am sorry to say. They may look like they agree, but with 99.9999 % certainty, they will always contact you again, could be days, weeks, months or even years afterwards.. any time that they run low on their “fuel”, really. I have been so surprised so many times when “agreeing” with the narc not to talk anymore, that he has resurfaced anyway after a few weeks or months.. even after him saying that he conpletely understands how much he hurt me, blah blah blah. It is ALL about them and their needs. If he needs attention again, he will contact you again. It is very tiring.
    If No Contact and blocking is not an option, it is possible to just be real boring in one’s reply to them. No feelings at all. They feed off of drama and emotions so if they don’t get that, they move on to their other sources etc.
    Good luck with L! Seems wonderful to have a man make you dinner!! 😄💙🌹

  3. S, you are of course so right, and I would be telling you the same thing. I won’t listen to any more voice mails. I can block his email unless he’s answering one that originated with me. I think he knows this, that’s how he keeps getting through. But i’m not even going to read any more. He was not happy about this post, and asked me to please stop, which I thought was kind of ironic, lol. But I will. I think I’ve expended all the energy toward him that I’m going to expend. He certainly doesn’t deserve another nano-second of my attention. Thanks for your support. I know you know what this is like. Big hugs….

  4. none of their apologizes are real, as you and I both know all too well. while they may think they mean it in the moment, as soon as that moment passes they continue with the same behavior, as if the apology gives them a clean slate to start over… so sick of it all, as are you…
    Hugs. M.

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