A light was shining
It’s brilliance dispelled the night.
It was you, all you.

Denying it’s truth
You covered it in darkness
It leaked out the edge.

I saw the edges
And the light you couldn’t hide.
I uncovered your soul.

No one else saw it,
In the brief moment undressed,
Unparalleled beauty.

You hid it once more.
Covered in darkness, it lays.
I search for it still.

Why do you so fear
The dazzling brilliance of it?
I weep, for your fear.

Day dawns, cool and bright

Inhaling the golden light

I knew, God breathed me.

The palm tree hovers

Drops coconuts on the roof

Drumming me to sleep.

Daybreak came so soon

Alone, the bed was empty

You, missing from me.

Maybe it was an epic battle
Between the cold north wind
And the warm spring sun.

Maybe the sun is just not strong enough
Today
To do battle with the
Opposing forces.

Tomorrow is another day.

Let the sun rest today.
Let the north wind bluster.
The flowers will chill
But survive.
And thrive.

So will I.

Tomorrow is another day.

If I hurt you, and can’t apologize, will you want me in your life?

If I hurt you, and apologize, and then, do it again,
Because I’m sure you will forgive me,
Will you want me in your life?

If I hurt you, and apologize, and then do it again,
Because I’m sure you will forgive me,
And then am silent, because I’m embarrassed that I hurt you again
And ashamed
And I’m sure your hurt is not something I want to face,
Will you want me in your life?

If I hurt you, and apologize, and then do it again,
And then am silent, for awhile,
Because I’m ashamed,
Because I don’t want to remind you of what I did,
But then, one day, allow my ego
To send you a message which is angry, judgmental
of you,
Because I don’t like being responsible for the repercussions of my betrayal,
Will you want me in your life?

If you love me,
Will you forgive me?
If you forgive me,
Will you want me in your life?

If I decide to take a chance,
And apologize to you
Because I opened my heart
So it listens to my soul,
Instead of the voices in my head,
Will you want me in your life?

If I change my life,
So I stop hurting you,
And others
And myself,
I stop hurting myself,
Will you want me in your life?

If I trust that you will forgive me,
Because I know that your heart is open
and loving
And I ask you, and tell you what I know,
If I dream a new dream
And allow hope to draw joy,
Will you want me in your life?

Then, only then.

(And if they never reveal it, do you want them in your life?)

Bright sun pouring in the kitchen window
Flowering tree in bloom.
Pink and yellow begonias on the steps,
Welcoming the morning.

Walk outside, to breathe in the warm spring air.
To move forward from yesterday
To today.
Warmer, longer,
More hopeful.

Expectations are the bane of my existence.

The day deceived.
A cold north wind blew through my heart,
And reminded me not to trust
The burning sun to warm me.
Or the longer day to evolve me.

No, a cold north wind
laughed at my desire,
My hope,
My
EXPECTATION.

I went back inside
And looked at the lie
Of the bright sun,
The blooming flowers,
And the longer day,
I wondered, idly
If night will atone.

You waiting?
Waiting for me?
Why?
What for?

I’m moving,
I’m not looking back.
The days of wine and roses
Never happened.

The days of dancing
And romancing
Talking and loving…

Well, we know what happened to them.

They disappeared into the ash
The fire stoked by my breath
When I heard
They never happened.

I couldda swore they happened.
Hmph.

So you standing still now?
Waiting for someone to save you?

Save yourself, run across that bridge that’s still standing.
Run, before the fire you set turns it to ash too,
Flames lapping at your heels.
Reflected in your beautiful eyes
As you look behind you.

Run….

I noticed today that the shackles are gone.
Not just loosened.
Not just off of one hand or ankle,
But gone.

Not locked into to a past that didn’t work.
Not locked into to a dream that never would be.
Not trying to run with one foot tied to an iron ring
Set into cement.
Immobile.

Free….

Not held back the pain.
Not held back by the love I didn’t receive,
Nor, more importantly,
The love I didn’t extend.

It’s all there, still.
All the love that was in my heart
Is still in my heart.
But it’s grown, it’s matured.
It sees what’s real.

All the pain I had
Is now part of my story.
No longer painful,
Unless I press it hard.

Even pressed, it’s just a twinge now.
It doesn’t rip me open.
It’s just enough to remind me
Not to go back there.
It’s on it’s way
To not hurting at all.

Will this last?
Only time can tell.
I’ve been close to here before.
Each time, a little higher
A little deeper.
If it doesn’t last,
I’ll be back.