Day 2 of no contact with S.  It was much easier, I was much less angry, less confused, less bitter. He runs through my mind occasionally, as in “Why the hell would he treat someone that loved him like that?”  Because, God, I loved him so much.  But I have been able to quickly shake the thought out of my mind.  He did.  He does.  Repeatedly.  I don’t know why.  And it doesn’t matter why.  The fact is he does, and I am free of it.   And what of the love I felt for him?  The unconditional love remains, but I don’t want to see him or talk to  him.  The passionate love, the desire to be with him, is, as Pink Floyd says, “receding”.  Such a perfect description. I can breathe again.

My son and I happened to both be home for dinner tonight.  He put some chicken jalapeno sausage on the grill while I had a glass of wine.  Then we added a whole bunch of food that he brought home from Bobby Flay’s restaurant at the Mohegan Sun Casino, Bar American.  One of his friends is a chef there, and that’s a GOOD connection to have!  He said the kitchen is allowed to comp their family and friends….he paid for 2 appetizers, two entrees and desert, they comped him 4 more appetizers, another entree, another dessert.  Way more food than any two humans could eat, and unbelievably good.

The best part was that I got to sit and eat with my son, and chat with him for awhile, not something I often get to do.  He’s 23, and now we have these adult conversations, lol.  About his girl, my issues, plans, time off, when’s the lawn going to get cut, etc.  Out in the summer evening, warm but not hot.  Blue sky with a few puffy white clouds.  It was a treat.

Starting to feel myself.  No drama, no heartache, no pain.  Peace and quiet.  Lovely.

At least, for tonight, all is well.