Confusion and chaos

Beginning to unravel

Into some comprehensible circumstance.

I want my close friend,

Most of all.

What we shared,

He can’t share with her,

she was not a part of it.

He has said this…

that it was ours and our alone.

Nor is she part of the close friendship we share.

He knows my secrets,

I know his.

They are ours to keep.

I will lose something here,

But it was something I had already decided to lose.

Now, I have gained back my close friend,

Now I can still have the laughter,

The conversation,

The connection without pain.

I’m still  scared,

At the change.

I’ve never traveled this road before

And I still love him.

But it seems safe, for now.

It is easier on my heart,

For now.

Going to go to the beach tomorrow

And re-find my center.

That where it usually is,

Hovering over the sea,

knowing that I will know where to look for it.

It is easier to contemplate a future that includes him

In some way

than one that doesn’t.