It Doesn’t Matter


I had a romantic notion, I guess, of what a twin flame was.  I was horrified to think that someone who is so wrought with his own emotional problems, deep-seated issues that he can’t figure out himself, that cause him to act in ways that are hurtful to himself and others, could be my twin flame. 

This morning, it doesn’t matter.  It is, what it is.  If he doesn’t mature spiritually, we will not connect in this lifetime.  That journey is his to travel.  I will continue on my path, he on his.  Maybe in some lifetime we will connect.  I don’t think in this one, though I can’t possibly know when we will connect. 

Maybe I’ll find out that he’s really not my twin flame.  Maybe there are coincidences after all, and none of them are signs.

Though, my intuition tells me differently.

The relationship with him is rife with signs, but if he doesn’t read them, and only I do, it doesn’t matter. Or, if he reads them but discredits them, it doesn’t matter.

My intuition tells me that it just doesn’t matter here, in the present moment, what his soulful relationship to me is. 

I’ll let it be.  I’ll trust my intuition to guide me through whatever comes up.  My purpose here is to evolve my soul.  I believe it’s everyone’s, but if it’s not recognized on a human level by someone else, even a twin flame, it doesn’t make any difference to me. 

Since we don’t talk, ever now, which is so weird really after communicating constantly all day every day, except when we were in a push away phase, I have no idea where his head is at.  It’s been since November 19 that I have talked to him.  Since the weight of the lies fell out of his mouth and onto my heart, and as he asked me to lie for him, to become what he was, and I had to tell him he was dead to me. 

He is not dead to me, as a soul.  His current choices, as a human, made him dead to me.  Until he can grow, and change.  I have wondered when I will hear from him again, thinking in months maybe.  Because I have been sure I will at some point.  But now?  Maybe not for years.  Maybe not until we move on from this life. 

It doesn’t matter anyway.  My life moves on, the way it was.  The path was moving forward nicely, and then he showed up and I stumbled and lost myself, spun arouand and around, because there were some lessons I needed to learn, and now my life goes on.

My friend to whom I gave Reiki texted me last night to tell me that the issue she had that brought her to me yesterday, had taken on a whole, different feeling.  The issue has to do with her sister, and is ongoing.  They talked, they both laughed, good healing belly laughs.  The issue remains, but my friend was able to support her sister, and lift her.  I was delighted.

My friend also has issues with her ankle.  It hurts her often and a lot.  She said it was killing her when she got here.  Last night she said she forgot about it, there was no pain from it at all.  I’m sure it’s not gone, the issue with her ankle, but I’m so happy she had some relief.

It is satisfying to be able to help people.  To reach outside my own issues, and leave them be.  To make a deeper connection with people close to me.

I found a great site for guided free meditations.     I did one this morning that was on “knowing”.  Takes you very deep, to rest in your knowing.  I found some peace there.  My solar plexus was very tight when I got there.  I did self-reiki on it, while I did the meditation.  It feels fine now.

I guess that the tightness was caused by left over emotions from last night’s twin flame revelation.  Right now, it means nothing, because we are apart, as we were before, and it’s not my job to wait for him to catch up, as my medium friend said.  It’s his to catch up. He doesn’t listen to his soul much, he doesn’t think he has one, or doesn’t think it’s connected to the loving energy of the universe. 

People will make any excuse for bad behavior won’t they?  If you can believe you are not connected then I suppose that gives you free rein to do whatever the heck your narcissistic ego tells you to. 

Not my problem.  It doesn’t matter.  I won’t bump into him again, unless he matures. 




6 responses to “It Doesn’t Matter

    • Thanks, Megan. I am fine today. I mean really…what difference does it make. We are not together, I have no work with him, except the odd moments when he’s calling to me on another level. I’ll answer and go back to what I was doing. Now that I know it does not really bother me. He can run, he can catch up, all if he wants. It’s not up to me. I guess we are destined at some point to share a physical life, but it’s apparently not at this moment in this lifetime anyway. I won’t disregard him, I just won’t obsess about him. I will work on manifesting a man a lot like him that can be loyal and faithful and is capable of real love. Florida….I think he’ll be in Florida! LOL. xo

  1. “People will make any excuse for bad behavior won’t they?” And that’s all they are…excuses. It was me that gave those excuses their power, their extended life. It was me – and that’s all it had ever been was me – there never was a ‘we’ in that sense after 2004 when i began to heal, when i first stood up for myself, when i first dared to individuate and be separate and D had to make a life-changing choice as to whether or not he could trust. That’s the deal-breaker. He can’t trust. Because i couldn’t either, we were a great fit.
    I too thought about past lives, something i’d never ever considered and being a Christian, thought was taboo, devil-worship, etc.
    I too flirted with the thought of twin-flame, just not as learned as you and no experience with psychic(s). By this point it was so clear this r/s was dying that all i needed to do but was wont to do it was pull the plug, the patient had died years ago!
    Oh sweet, dear Debbie how i have walked these very footsteps you are trodding. The hope, the desire, the hurt, the power to forgive and even forget all in the unanswered prayers that he…….
    I’ve misplaced your email Debbie, would you be so kind as to resend it to me. Thanks!

    • I have known for so long that we had an incredible, soul-type connection. I truly did not want it to be twin flame. I thought we were two souls who agreed to meet up in this life time, and that there were lessons each of us would learn from the other. And really, it may be that’s the case. Just those two things make me think it’s the twin flame, the one being I can’t sever the connection no matter what I do, and the push pull nature of our relationship. But what ever.

      I have learned some lessons. I hope he did too. I often think I’d like to talk to him to find out, but I know he’s not ready, and that’s ok. I’ll find out some day, lol. In the mean time, I’ll take care of myself, and not worry about him. He couldn’t trust, because he wasn’t trustworthy and projected that onto everyone. He couldn’t love, because he had no love in his own heart. He will tell me he loved Betty, but come on…..his actions prove otherwise. I think she filled a lot of holes in his life. He knew her when he was young, and they reconnected when they were in their 50’s. But in the end, he denied her just the same as he denied me. That wasn’t love, because he’s not capable of loving. Like Maya angelou says, beware the naked man that offers you a shirt. LOL>

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