Imagining Possibilities


Maggie is home, and a little freaked out, but seems ok.  She had a bandage over where her IV was on her front leg, and luckily my cousin came by and helped me get it off of her.  I have to give her some pain medication with some food now, before I go to bed. Just so grateful that they were able to fix her problem, and I didn’t have to face that hard decision.

I have a lunch date for Saturday, with that nice man I was talking to last night.  Tonight we’re texting.  So far, I really like him.  He seems interested, you know….asks questions, seems sweet natured, very masculine though.  Is good looking too, from his pictures.  And tall, I like tall men, because I’m 5’7″.  I like men who are taller than me by a good amount.  My ex was 6’1″ or2″. Scott was 6′ I think.   We’re going to a new Mexican restaurant.  He grew up in the town I work in, but doesn’t live there now.

It’s cool, I feel like there could be a connection with this man, I sense the possibility.  Like we might like each other….maybe a lot, who knows?  It’s nice to be looking forward, for sure, not backward.

It lets me pause, to feel like a desirable woman again.  Not someone’s second choice, not rejection, not pain, not anger.  To see a path in front of me of possibilities.  Even if it’s not with this man, I am lifted into the possibilities again.  It’s nice to have someone excited to have lunch with me.  And I’m excited to have it with him.  And that’s all I need to know right now.

I don’t mean to be gushing, because I haven’t even met him yet.  It’s been 4 months since Scott and I broke up, it’s been almost 2 since I found out she’d been in his life 6 months.  I need to move on, and I’m just happy to have this chance, this little crack that might allow the light to come in, and make me glow again.

I have a gong bath tomorrow.  I love that I am going with no huge issues to deal with.  I had the twin flame thing for a few days, it was really upsetting me, but now, it’s just a part of that relationship, which is past, over….  I’m not going to try to guess when we will meet again.  It doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t matter.  He’s still got his journey, he’s always had it.  He and I are no where near the same place, and I don’t see us being in the same place in this lifetime.  My head and my heart are open to whatever happens, but I think there is a better possibility with the new guy than Scott that we will connect in this lifetime.  I wish him well, I hope he can rise, I hope all good things for him.

Happy tonight.  Think I’ll go float to bed, and see if I can dream a sweet dream for a change.



7 responses to “Imagining Possibilities

      • Yes I agree! ☺ Oh I want to date someone too.. lol. I am a while away from that still. But I can imagine it, sort of.. Oh well, for now I will live my dating life vicariously through you and other bloggers. So I hope you will update on the blog on how it goes.😁

        • It took me 5 years when I left my abusive marriage to even consider dating. And then another 2 before I dated Scott and had a relationship. You can’t push it. When you’re ready you’ll know. Even waiting all that time I found there were triggers I didn’t even know I had til I was in a relationship. It’s always a work in progress.

  1. It’s said that we were formed in relationship and we can only heal in relationship. Yes…and no. A therapist i liked a lot told me to stay with D as he had a lot to ‘teach’ me. I took his advice seriously and stayed way beyond the expiration date. I think his meaning was that every time i get into a new r/s i start over with the healing and that to stick it out with D was to learn the tougher lessons. Well, then i just graduated MAGNA CUM LAUDE 😉 top of my class, A #1.
    I met a few men while trying to break free from the chains that bound us and each time i compared. There was no one to ride up, sweep me up onto his beautiful white steed and ride off into the sunset with, as long as i did this. No one could. All i was seeking, asking, begging for was someone to release me from the despair and hopelessness that surrounded me whenever i returned to D.
    I see now how it was my inability to see me, love me, reside in joy and happiness with me that kept me desperately trying to change D. D is D. I knew in my head D chooses to stay the same, tho’ he talks a good talk about evolving and growing and such…in reality he’s the same D, same excuses, same sad life that i met in 2001. OMG. Let me say that again OMG. Maybe my twin flame – in this lifetime his flame has gone out.
    I’m just a bit further up the path you’re on Deb and the view’s so much cleaner, brighter, happier, freer, exhilarating, joyful…expansive with hope and the knowledge of what real love feels like between me and my self. This knowledge didn’t come via a man or a r/s. It’s been hard-won personal growth through awareness of who i am, learning all about me (and it’s an ongoing day-to-day delightful experience) & acceptance of being here, now and the choice to enJOY it.
    I refuse to be bitter, cynical, shriveled up lonely old woman just as i refuse to be a slave, housekeeper, nurse, purse or settle for a r/s just to have a man. You and I, we are alive. We have sooo much to share and with a partner, companion who recognizes, appreciates, validates, affirms our value and worth. Until then, i will focus on what brings me pleasure, what feels like love, my Marley, my grandchildren, my independence and freedom, my home, my healthy. To the good life Deb, to an honest life full of real, genuine, unconditional love. Hugs!

    • Yes here’s to unconditional love. That’s the lesson from my 32 year marriage. The lesson from Scott was to love myself first and learn not to give my trust until it’s earned. Using Brene’s anagram, I broke all the rules for Scott. Lol. But smarter now. Wiser. Ok for the wear and tear. It would be easier if we weren’t so energetically connected but we are and I have to deal with it. Been feeling him all morning. What ever. Life is good at the moment. And that’s all that matters.

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