Leaning In


I’m a little fuzzy this morning, ever so slightly hung over from staying out and having that one more glass of wine last night. We had a nice time. The restaurant had a blues band playing, complete with a keyboard player, a couple of saxophones, two guitars, a drummer. They were good! We sat at the bar, talked to a guy who was a retired attorney for awhile. Nice guy, but obviously still angry at his wife for custody issues when he got divorced, and his kids are adults with kids of their own. Talk about holding on to something.  He was my age, but I think his interest was in my 50 yr old friend, lol. Whatever, we had a nice time. It’s always nice to get out.

My friend and I are in sync with our relationships, both of us having ended one in which we were passionately in love. We can relate. When I got home I was actually missing S, and in my weakened, too much alcohol state, it was all I could do not to text him. I wrote about it instead, but chose not to publish it. I figured I might feel different when I woke this morning. And I do. It was a wave, it wasn’t a permanent state of being. A week ago I never thought I’d ever miss him, lol. And today, I don’t miss him, not that way. I’m pretty sure yesterday’s work on understanding what was going on was just stuff that came up with the help of the gongs, that needed to be sat with, so it could dissipate. It seems to be where I am today. Learning to lean into the discomfort, and deal with it.

This is why I go to the gongs. They facilitate going deep enough, gently enough, in a safe, supportive environment, to allow the stuff that we need to let go of, show up, so we can let it go. The stuff we bury doesn’t die. We have to deal with it, in a healthy way, that is sometimes painful for the moment, but leaves you free to move forward. So yesterday was a kind of rough day, but totally worth it and it ended well.

It was so warm yesterday, so spring like! Almost 60, after being below 0 just a week ago. It was nice to go out and not have to dress in so many layers. Today promises to be the same. It’s bright and sunny out. Such a nice break from winter.

The friend I was out with is the friend who knows someone who might want my house. She told me last night they are very interested, and will probably want to see the house in the next couple of weeks. Which means, I have to continue the deep cleaning I started last week. I took a bunch of pics yesterday of the outside of the house, and my living room, and sent them to my friend. This would be so amazing if it worked. If it gets to the point of them wanting to see the house, I’ll have to get one of those “For Sale By Owner” kits, lol. I’m beginning to think the Universe thinks I need to get moved ASAP, lol!

Well, the coffee pot is on, I’m on my second cup. I need to shake the fog out of my head so I can get some productive work done on the house today. Maybe a couple ibuprofen would help, lol. I started the kitchen yesterday, but have a lot more to do.

I also want to do some cooking today. Making BBQ beef in my crock pot, and I’ve been dying for cheddar cheese cauliflower sausage soup. That will give me left overs for the week.

It’s amazing though to me, that with all this stuff to do, and with a slight hangover, I am motivated to get it done. Feel like I’m picking up speed on the walking away thing.

Love and light to all.





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