What would you do?
If someone you used to love, told their ex-not-quite-current girlfriend (I don’t know what her status is at the moment.) that the only reason they asked you over for the weekend was for the sex? Because she found out and was hurt, and he couldn’t stand up and own that what happened, happened because he wanted it to?
What if you found out this, in a round about way, from the ex-not-quite-current girlfriend, who was just trying to make sense of what happened to her?
What if, this ex-lover denied and betrayed you to her over and over, and had done the same to you, with her, up until recently? And what if, that whole weekend you’d been trying to help him, while your heart broke, to find a way back to her, because that’s what would make him happy.
What would you do?
Well, I wrote them both an email. I told the story from my perspective. I told her I was not angry at her, it was just a lie that she believed. I was angry at him, for minimalizing and marginalizing our relationship. I made it clear what I believed to be the truth and why.
I am a lover of the truth. I need it out on the table, I need to see it all, I need to allow people to draw their own conclusions from what IS, not what one person wants it to be to assuage their guilt.
What happens now, is what happens. Probably nothing. I hope she’ll forgive him for caring for someone when she was out of the picture, and even when she was in it. Emotions don’t die, but he chose her, and I have to live with that, and can, and I am. I believe he still cares, and feels bad that he’s done it to me again, but didn’t see another way to heal the rift with her, than telling yet another tale
But that’s the problem for me. I mean I’m the loser here. But I won’t live with him lying about who I was to him, and who he was to me, for a short time. I won’t be turned into some bimbo who fucked a man who didn’t give a shit about her. For God’s sake. I don’t regret a minute of of any of the time I ever spent with him, I am not ashamed or embarrassed by anything I ever did with him. I’m sorry it hurt her, and I’m sure she probably feels the same about me now, because she’s a kind person.
It’s over now, I want to let it go. I want to keep the memories I have, unflawed by his lies, his spinning of the truth into something other than it was. I just want to be perceived as someone who loved him, and someone he cared for. And then I want to find someone who can love me the way I can love.
He’ll never be able to love anyone that way. But I know there are other people, men, who can. He was good practice for me. I learned what I want, and what I don’t, in a man.
I want someone who I can trust. Someone whose light doesn’t come on once in a while and shine so brightly that it hurts your eyes because they are so accustomed to the darkness. I want someone whose light illuminates my path, and whose path I can illuminate, and we can keep each other from falling into the pitfalls because we have so much light.
So, what would you do? Did I over-react? Or was it appropriate and necessary? I’d love your thoughts.