I had emotions today ranging from pure anger at the bold-faced lies I was told, to that feeling of great sorrow for him. It seems that the height and depth of the emotions are evening out. None of them last long anymore. Thought about sending him the song “Forever Young” by Bob Dylan. Because I think at the end of the day that’s what I wish for him. But I ended up on middle ground, knowing that the journey which he needs to take is one he has to embark on himself, and take by himself, and choose by himself, and I need to not add my energy to the mix. He always said to me he’s never been alone, he’s been in relationships for 40 years. He has the opportunity now, to do some real work. I hope it’s what he’ll choose.
It is generally exhausting for me anyway, our connection has always been so strong. I have a couple of crystal pendulums and when I’ve received strong energetic messages from him they have been confirmed for the most part. I am learning to let them come and go. I am trying to pay attention to what I need, and let the rest go. I told him he was dead to me, because I don’t want any on-going communication, and because I can’t take finding out one more untruth. But I think I will always care for the man I loved, the one pre-Betty who was trying to be someone. I will always love the child who steers the riverboat. He was headed for the deep, but now he’s in it, and he has to find his way back alone. I hope he can do it.