I wrote that blog last night about the hammer, and didn’t think about the fact that S might read it. I don’t have any idea if he still reads my blogs. I don’t know why he would, except to reassure himself on some sick level that I still think about him. I would guess if he reads that one, he’ll get angry, and think it was all about revenge. (My pendulum still says he does, though not every day. It just seems illogical to me, that he would. We have not spoken since I told him he was dead to me. So why he would want to read it? Maybe to reassure himself he is really not dead to me? Who knows?)
Well, of course I think about him. But I don’t think of him with any pangs of longing, it’s more like a bad habit I’m breaking now. Kind like when the text alert goes off on my phone, I still first think of him, because we used to text so much.) He is less and less on my mind. What he did is more and more just another experience I lived through and learned from.
Neither of the experiences that I wrote about, he or my ex-husband, were about getting even. Neither of the experiences was about revenge. My ex was about getting what was mine, and being fair. I only brought the truth to light so I could survive.
S was about bringing the truth to light as well, so that everyone knew exactly what was going on, and so could make their own decision about whether or not they wanted to be part of it. I feel that I did the right thing for myself, for her, and whether or not he wants to believe or accept it, for him. A relationship based on a lie is nothing, except an ego boost for the narcissist, that he once again pulled the wool over someone’s eyes and got away with it. While I normally stay out of other people’s business, I felt that since I was the third leg of his triangle, it was my business. He involved me where I didn’t want to be involved. And when you pull one leg out of the triangle, it’s going to collapse, it’s a law of physics….
Both men were someone I loved, and men I hope the best for in the new year. I am so happy to be moving away from all that drama.
I have a nice New Year’s Eve planned with a friend. We’re going to try to get an early dinner somewhere, (because we have no reservations and probably can’t get any at this late date) and then hang out at my house and talk, drink wine, watch movies, lol. I’m glad I won’t be alone, but if I was, I’d probably just write and write, lol.
Love and light everyone. May 2016 be our year!