What to do today? Hmmm. I’m home alone, as usual, and feeling a little bored with all my regular diversions, which are reading, writing, coloring, and watching tv. Yesterday I made some brownies. I meant to have Dan take some home with him when he came over to have dinner with me last night. And I forgot to tell him to take some. He came with shrimp and homemade baked beans. He bought a new tool to devein the shrimp with, which works really well, and then we put it on the grill and just added garlic butter. Yum! And a brownie sundae for dessert. He might take a run over here to get some brownies, lol. But he is coming tomorrow to take me to the dr so I’m guessing he won’t be back today.

One of my friends got her medical marijuana card this week, so he and I took her to the dispensary Monday. I hadn’t been out of the house in days, and it was nice to take a ride up there just to get out. Although I did need a new cartridge for my vape, which I use at night only. It really helps me sleep. I don’t usually indulge during the day, but at night often my pain levels with this hip/back/leg thing are high, and it honest-to-God helps me deal with the pain.

The pot doesn’t make the pain disappear, it’s still there, but it settles me down enough that I can comfortably lie on the couch, watch TV, and that allows the pain to subside. I told Dan that it feels like all the pain is pouring down my thigh, and hitting a wall in my knee, where it piles up and throbs like crazy. The knee pain takes the longest to get rid of, so it is nice that there is something I can do to at least take it down a notch. Tomorrow I go back to the dr for an evaluation on how much the shots helped me that I got 2 weeks ago. They helped, I am taking way less pain medication, but I still am unable to walk much before the pain takes over. Like maybe 25-35 steps. I can get to my mailbox and back but that’s as far as I go. I’ve been dealing with this too long, he needs to find something that will help me.

One of the girls in my writer’s group had surgery for the 2^nd time on her wrist which she broke a year ago. We commiserate on our pain levels, lol. Last time I said, hey if it had to happen, now is a good time because we don’t want to go anywhere anyway. She said, “Yeah, there is no FOMO.” I said, “what’s that?” “Fear of missing out.” Nope, none of that.

I forgot about filing my taxes. Never done that before. I contacted my accountant who is going to file an extension for me. My printer’s scan feature doesn’t work, and I only have a cell phone and don’t think I can fax from it, though I haven’t tried but really have no idea how to do that anyway. So I just have to stick my stuff in an envelope. It irritates me to pay for doing my taxes, but I always feel better if he does them. They’re pretty simple, but he knows better how to deal with some parts of it, and I am afraid I might mess them up. So…I just need to find an envelope to stick my stuff in and get it off to him.

As for my original question, what am I going to do today, I may make some Glorious Morning muffins. I think I have most of the stuff I need. And I can do a lot of the prep sitting down…always a good thing for me right now. At least it’s something!

We are into monsoon season here. Every day there’s a chance of a shower, and usually the sun out in between. Every day the high is forecast just under 90°, but it seems to always go over 90°. I think they just say that to make us hopeful that maybe the day won’t be so hot. But it’s Florida in July…This will go on for a couple more months, and it will start cooling off. Right now, 10 AM, the temp is 88°, feels like 100° with the humidity at 70%. I guess, looking at Florida’s coronavirus stats, we can confirm that heat and sunlight don’t kill the virus.

I think I’ll go try to sit outside for a bit until it gets too hot. The muffins may have to wait, I’m not sure I want to heat up my kitchen. Hope everyone has a good day. Stay safe, and well.

My heart is not subject to depression usually. I cannot get down, without knowing I can also get up. But these are times that try us, as never before.

It is my habit, in the morning, to sit with my coffee and read the news on my phone. Lately, this practice is difficult for me because the news is so terrible. I fail to understand how the leadership of this country got put in the hands of a man so incapable of leading, that he constantly chooses the road with the most pain for the most people.

Now I know how he got there…..a minority of people elected him. But even that, a minority. He found the flaw in our system and exploited it, as he does every single thing that crosses his life.

This morning…..

COVID-19 is rampant in 14 states. My state is one of them, and although we have fallen to 5^th place nationally, we had the dishonor of being number 1 for awhile, with record numbers of new cases every day, and still in 5^th place, we had 7300 new cases Monday. Our president, and our governor, stated that we are doing a “good job”.

COVID-19 cases reached a record high of over 60,000 nationwide yesterday. So, what do they mean by “good job”? Is a “good job” measured in the deaths that will come from those 60,000? Is it measured in the pain it causes the victims and their families? Is it measured by the pain, the suffering of those who do not die, but live with this disease that causes far more damage than just the original illness it causes initially? Do we measure by the full ICU units, the full hospitals, the inability of those sick from other illnesses who can’t, or are afraid to, go to the hospital?

They push for the schools to open next month. Florida’s governor, one of the hottest spots for the virus, says yes….the schools will open in August. That puts fear into my heart. Fear for the children, fear for their families, fear for their teachers, the janitors, the cafeteria workers. All for political expediency. Not even a child is safe from these people, who are willing to sacrifice them on the altar of money, power and control.

My God, they are willing to sacrifice our children. OUR CHILDREN. What kind of a depraved human being does that?

What shocks me at least as much, if not more, is how many people nod their heads at this plan agreeing with it. There is no sense of decency here, of caring, of compassion, of doing the right thing. We are left on our own to struggle with this pandemic. We stay in our homes, we don’t go out except to doctor’s appointments, and the grocery store, and maybe the pharmacy. It’s hard to stay socially distant from everyone. We wear masks everywhere. But so many people drink the kool-aid, so many people disregard their own safety and ours, that the virus continues to overwhelm all the efforts we make to contain it, to bring it down. We miss our lives, but we ARE at last alive. For now.

It’s depressing.

This morning….

Some Republican senators aren’t attending the RN C in Jacksonville, due to the virus. They are smart, they want to live.

But they are so stupid. They had the chance to get rid of the toddler in the White House and refused to do it. So now, they choose not to back their fearless leader and go to the convention for their own safety. I wish so much that they would have considered the safety of the American people when they cast their votes against removing him from office, Did they not care about the people they represent?

So selfish, so self-centered, so careless, so heartless, so egoic, so entitled. So incapable of seeing where the refusal to remove him, and instead to back him up, would lead.

So depressing.

This morning…

160 people were shot over the holiday weekend in this nation, some of them children. I suppose that’s another “good job”.

Depressing, again.

I don’t need to go on. But reading the news this morning brought tears to my eyes. So so many people will suffer and many will die because of all these “good jobs.” Every day there are more, every day we are more isolated by our fear, and by the ineptness of those who are supposed to lead us, but clearly are not.

Now, I’ll go out onto my deck, looking for something to be joyful about. The butterflies that flit about my yard, and the geckos that race around the deck, and up and down the banyan tree. I’ll practice my meditation, and try to stay in the present moment because I am safe, for the time being, in that moment.

I hope all of you are too.