Category Archives: gratitude

Attracting Grace

Posted on by learning to live like water

A new day, a new week.  I have been talking, well texting, with S all weekend.  I hope we got somewhere, I can’t be sure.  I just hope he understands where I’m at with our relationship.  It seemed last night perhaps he did, but I can’t be sure.  Time will tell I guess.  I am the same as always with  him, I love him, but can’t continue to be second in his heart to his ex girlfriend, nor will I stand by while he checks out the rest of the female population.  As I said before, I will love him from a safe distance, until either my feelings for him fade, or his feelings for her and desire to be free to date other women fade.  I’ll keep my heart safe that way.

My son has told me this weekend that when I move to Florida he is going to move to Colorado.  A lot of his friends are moving that way, and he has two of his best friends who want to join him.  The company he works for would likely be able to arrange a transfer, and he will be saving all year to have a financial cushion.  I’m happy that he’s making plans, and being pragmatic about it.  I will miss him so much, but honestly…he had planned to stay here as it was.  so CT or CO, both a long distance from Florida.  And I know he will come see me.  He’ll be by a major airport, so it won’t be difficult.  Apparently a lot of young people are heading that way.  Some because pot is legal, but my son is not a smoker, toker, whatever,  Some because there is so much to do, outdoor activities, and that’s more like him.  He’s always been athletic, and loves to be active.  He’ll have roommates, and he’ll be 24.  Perfect time for him to branch out on his own.

He and I went out to dinner last night, which we rarely do.  We hardly see each other, he either works late and gets home when I’m in bed, or if he doesn’t work late he is off with his friends.

It was a good weekend, even though the Beach Whores had to call off our beach day.  I got a lot done, and yesterday rested my arm that has carpal tunnel all day.  Last night was the first night in weeks that I slept well, without pain.

I’ve been doing the Deepak Chopra (in conjunction with Oprah) 21 day meditation, “Attracting Grace Through Gratitude”.  It’s in the 3rd week now, he is such a wonderful teacher.  I have done many of these 21 days meditations.  His voice is so soothing.

I hope I am attracting grace.  I feel like there was some grace in my ongoing conversation with S over the weekend, and with my son.  Two people who are very important in my life.  And I am grateful, for all the blessings I have.  I’m not feeling angst at the moment, and both of those situations, S and my son, could and have brought it to me before.  So, I guess that there is some grace in that.

Some Morning Gratitude

Posted on by learning to live like water

Yesterday, my best friend got home from a camping trip and called me in the afternoon asking if I wanted to come sit on her deck, and go for a swim inher pool.  It was over 90°.  Of course, I went had had a lovely afternoon catching up with her and her family.

Last night I got a friend request on Facebook from a woman who worked for me 30 years ago when she was in college.  We chatted for a couple of hours. Though she is 15 or so years younger than I, we had a bond then, and it was like it was never broken.  She has had a good life, and is still married to the man she got engaged to then.  It was like a gift from the universe to hear from her, and to know how fondly she remembered and thought of me.

I have such a rich full life.  I see now that I don’t need to waste it on people who have no intentions with me, except to satisfy themselves.  Older and wiser, I know that someday there will be a significant other in my life who cherishes our friendship and all I can offer him.  Until he shows up, my friends will celebrate life with me.

I am blessed.  Totally blessed. More than one lesson has been learned in the past few months, and I’m grateful for all of them.

Conscious Healing

Posted on by learning to live like water

Not too much to say this morning, but that goes so much against my nature, I feel the need express it, lol..

First of all, it is hot and muggy.  Real summer weather.  Closed the house up and turned on the AC again.  I would love to be at the beach, but didn’t make any plans, so am not.  The beaches will be wall to wall anyway, so I’m probably not missing much.  This is my kind of weather.  It’s why I can live full time in Florida.  I can take heat.  I cannot take cold, snow, heating bills.

I have been dealing with carpal tunnel syndrome for about 5 months.  I kept putting off getting it fixed, because surgery scares me, the expense scares me (I have one of those wonderful high deductible plans), and I didn’t want to miss work. But it’s been getting progressively worse.  It keeps me up half the night, I am taking 3 to 4 ibuprofen before bed and an Ambien to help me sleep through it and even that doesn’t always work.  Last night was particularly bad, because I did so much housework yesterday with it, especially preparing the seafood gumbo.  Lots of slicing and dicing.  So, Aug. 28 I am having the surgery.  And I will only miss one day of work for sure…it’s so simple now, it takes literally 10 minutes…(the dr. said, yeah it takes 10 minutes if there are delays….)  I should have done it ages ago…stupid…..

I am a great believer in the emotional component of most physical ailments.  Louise Hay suggests that carpal tunnel is brought on by railing against the injustices we see in the world.  My friend who is a spiritual counselor and is even more tied into alternative healing than I am, says, “You’ve been giving too much.  The right hand is for giving, the left for taking.  and you are out of balance.”  I think that is possibly true, regarding some of my, well one of my relationships.  So maybe it will improve now that that is no longer in my purview.  I think it is possible that the emotional aspect is not just giving, but giving to someone who doesn’t want it, and is not receptive to the light.  Because overall, giving acknowledges having, and the more you give the more you have.  But trying to lift someone out of darkness who professes to seek the darkness, is stupid, and unfulfilling and a waste of time.  So when the energy gets thrown back at you in a negative way, and upsets you, I would guess there are some physical ramifications.

Until you learn to do the Byron Katie thing, and say, “It’s not my business that he likes the darkness. It’s his.  I have to stay out of it (and in my case, away from it….)”

And you know, he has/had so many health issues, I think his longing for the darkness is giving him what he wants.  He should be content.  I am content to have only a couple of issues….and I know where they came from. Diabetes, from not taking in the sweetness of life for 40 years.  And the carpal tunnel.  I have had what I thought to be arthritis, bad, actually was thought to be rheumatoid arthritis, but in the past months, the symptoms have basically cleared themselves.  Just very minor stiffness in my fingers now, and even that is improving.

Some friends I have in alternative healing said to me, “Put your hand into a tight fist for 5 minutes and then release it.  It hurts…..You held on too tight for too long.”  And yes, that was true.  Louise Hay suggests arthritis is from feeling unloved, from criticism. and resentment.  All of which were true in that long nightmare of a marriage.  It seems that I’ve been out long enough (8 1/2 years), and have learned to like myself, love myself, that the symptoms are subsiding.

Pretty cool.

I guess I am at the moment, just living in the moment.  And grateful for being able to sit out on my deck and listen to nature, and feel the soft breeze that occasionally drifts by.  And just kind of let my mind go where it wanted.  Which apparently was to healing…..spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Love and light….