Busy, Staying in the Light

Light-at-end-of-tunnel

Busy busy day.  I’m now on the couch watching Will Smith in “Focus”, back to blogging.  🙂

Washed all the downstairs windows and glass doors on the inside.  It was too cold to try to do the outside.  It’s going to snow tonight.  But they look nice, even without the outside glass having been cleaned.  Plus I did a couple loads of laundry, ran to the store for a few things. Oh, got my kitchen counters cleaned. One of the counters is part of an L wider that the rest, and kind of separates my kitchen from the eating area. It could fit bar stools if I used it that way, but it is where everything ends up.

I tried to price up a new door for my fireplace.  It looks like they are between $250 and $400.  However, I cannot figure out how what I’m buying. My fireplace door has a bunch of parts to it, I can’t tell what I’d be replacing, I can’t for the life of me figure out how the old one comes out and the new one goes in. I took a flashlight, looked up inside the fireplace at the back side of it, and all I got for my efforts was really dirty.

I will need some help with this. I think I’ll have to borrow my BFF’s husband to help me out with it.

I talked to a guy about enrolling for Medicare. I will need to do that in the next month, even if I choose to stay on my company’s insurance. So I’m meeting with him Wednesday night.

Busy busy. I’m beat tonight. Fell asleep on the couch already once before dinner.

Speaking of which, my son wanted tacos, and so made them for us. With very little intervention from me. I just cut up some onions and peppers. He did the rest. His dad was a really good cook, and I think my son takes to it naturally. Which is nice, for me occasionally.

It’s been a good productive day. There have been thoughts on the periphery, I can’t seem to stop them. I try not to pay too much attention to them though. It’s just energy, I think it’s slowing down. I think it got stirred by the medium Friday night. All the excitement about the house. I found I kind of wished I could share it, momentarily. Until the tunnel vision of one moment turns cinematic, and I see the whole big picture.

Nope. Keeping that door closed on my end. The momentary fun and relief would soon be overshadowed by the darkness he spreads over everyone and everything.. I’m too much in the light to go back there.

I think I’ll go soak my hands in lavender essential oil paraffin wax that I’ve been melting down all afternoon.

Love and light everyone.

 

 

 

 

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Promise of the Sunrise

Just a promise of a sunrise this morning, hidden behind some clouds. There were breaks of blue sky, tinted with pink, there was a pink and golden glow on the horizon, beneath a tower of gray clouds. It was lovely, in a different, subtle, way.

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I stopped at the beginning of the dock, to talk to my sister’s neighbors. The one who lives across the street, in her golf cart, has felt like a good friend since the day I met her a few years ago. She asked about my weekend with my girlfriends, I showed her pictures of the house I fell in love with. Another neighbor was there, with his dog, Penny. I remembered him from last year. He is married, his wife doesn’t come to sunrise. I pet the dog for a few minutes. Then we all walked down the dock together, and the new friend I made the other day whose wife had to go home was there taking pictures. He also asked about my weekend, and told me he’d gone to St. Pete yesterday and had lunch at a lovely restaurant on the inland waterway near where I’d been.

You can always tell us tourists, we have the cameras, trying to catch and preserve every moment of the sunrise, to carry us through until we come back again. I have more pictures of sunrise from the Longboat Key town dock than anything else on my camera, lol.

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The sun came up, as it always does. It still put on a beautiful show. One that reminded me that clouds come and go, the sun is always there behind them, waiting to shine. The clouds that cover the sun can’t stop it burning brightly, and bringing daylight to a darkened world.

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Then it began to sprinkle, and then rain harder. We all left quickly, and the neighbor with the golf cart gave me a ride the 800 ft back to my sister’s house.

When I came in the house, my brother-in-law was up, had made me another pot of coffee. He said it hadn’t rained here in about a month, so they were glad for the rain. It didn’t last long though, probably about 10 or 15 minutes. There may be more today though.

Thinking about the gray clouds of my life, the storms, the dark days of fear, and heartbreak, and yearning for life. And then the sunrise, always there, always managing to get through the clouds, always bringing the light back to my life. Never letting me get stuck too long in the darkness. Bringing me my son, my family, my friends, my joy. Always remember, the fact that the light is covered in darkness, can’t stop it from burning brightly.

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Through the Darkness

  
 I saw you standing in the shadows

You thought that you were hidden 

That the darkness kept you invisible. 

But you didn’t know

The light from your eyes

Pierced through the shadows and the darkness

And illuminated the path to your soul

For those that cared to see it. 

One woman, this woman, 

Saw your sadness of keeping hidden

And followed the light beam

To where you had lived so silently,

To take your hand 

And walk with you

Into the light. 

Conscious Healing

Not too much to say this morning, but that goes so much against my nature, I feel the need express it, lol..

First of all, it is hot and muggy.  Real summer weather.  Closed the house up and turned on the AC again.  I would love to be at the beach, but didn’t make any plans, so am not.  The beaches will be wall to wall anyway, so I’m probably not missing much.  This is my kind of weather.  It’s why I can live full time in Florida.  I can take heat.  I cannot take cold, snow, heating bills.

I have been dealing with carpal tunnel syndrome for about 5 months.  I kept putting off getting it fixed, because surgery scares me, the expense scares me (I have one of those wonderful high deductible plans), and I didn’t want to miss work. But it’s been getting progressively worse.  It keeps me up half the night, I am taking 3 to 4 ibuprofen before bed and an Ambien to help me sleep through it and even that doesn’t always work.  Last night was particularly bad, because I did so much housework yesterday with it, especially preparing the seafood gumbo.  Lots of slicing and dicing.  So, Aug. 28 I am having the surgery.  And I will only miss one day of work for sure…it’s so simple now, it takes literally 10 minutes…(the dr. said, yeah it takes 10 minutes if there are delays….)  I should have done it ages ago…stupid…..

I am a great believer in the emotional component of most physical ailments.  Louise Hay suggests that carpal tunnel is brought on by railing against the injustices we see in the world.  My friend who is a spiritual counselor and is even more tied into alternative healing than I am, says, “You’ve been giving too much.  The right hand is for giving, the left for taking.  and you are out of balance.”  I think that is possibly true, regarding some of my, well one of my relationships.  So maybe it will improve now that that is no longer in my purview.  I think it is possible that the emotional aspect is not just giving, but giving to someone who doesn’t want it, and is not receptive to the light.  Because overall, giving acknowledges having, and the more you give the more you have.  But trying to lift someone out of darkness who professes to seek the darkness, is stupid, and unfulfilling and a waste of time.  So when the energy gets thrown back at you in a negative way, and upsets you, I would guess there are some physical ramifications.

Until you learn to do the Byron Katie thing, and say, “It’s not my business that he likes the darkness. It’s his.  I have to stay out of it (and in my case, away from it….)”

And you know, he has/had so many health issues, I think his longing for the darkness is giving him what he wants.  He should be content.  I am content to have only a couple of issues….and I know where they came from. Diabetes, from not taking in the sweetness of life for 40 years.  And the carpal tunnel.  I have had what I thought to be arthritis, bad, actually was thought to be rheumatoid arthritis, but in the past months, the symptoms have basically cleared themselves.  Just very minor stiffness in my fingers now, and even that is improving.

Some friends I have in alternative healing said to me, “Put your hand into a tight fist for 5 minutes and then release it.  It hurts…..You held on too tight for too long.”  And yes, that was true.  Louise Hay suggests arthritis is from feeling unloved, from criticism. and resentment.  All of which were true in that long nightmare of a marriage.  It seems that I’ve been out long enough (8 1/2 years), and have learned to like myself, love myself, that the symptoms are subsiding.

Pretty cool.

I guess I am at the moment, just living in the moment.  And grateful for being able to sit out on my deck and listen to nature, and feel the soft breeze that occasionally drifts by.  And just kind of let my mind go where it wanted.  Which apparently was to healing…..spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Love and light….