Night seeps through the house,
Like high tide in the great marsh.
It breathes deeply,
And sighs,
And wraps me in it’s darkness.

Tonight, it’s a friend to me.
Soothing my vision
Smoothing the sharp edges of my brow,
Furled as I watch thoughts
Ebb and flow in my mind.

There is peace in the darkness.
Peace in the moist wind off the gulf.
Peace in the crescent moon
Hanging delicately above,
Venus and Mars it’s sentinels.

Time does not stop this night,
Because it does not exist
Here on the edge of eternity
In the darkness.
Alone with my thoughts.

Peace.

Dizzy and exhausted
The first day ended
With a starry night,
Friends around a table
A balmy breeze in the air
Cooling down
The wine and the heat.

A baby moon
Drifts across the sky
Venus follows it
Casting it’s light
And its energy
On the table full of friends
Talking quietly in the night air.
Peace in this corner of the world.

One man wanted to own me
To control my every word,
My every move.

I left him.
No one will ever own me, except me.

The next man wanted to use me.
To satisfy his own needs.
Whatever they may have been.

In the end, he left me 100 times,
I left him 101.

Another man needed me.
He thought he loved me,
But he needed to fill a void in his life.

I left him.
I didn’t want the job.

Waiting for the one
Who only wants to love me.
All of me, the flaws and the beauty.

I won’t leave him.
I’ll love him always, and all ways.

Selective memory is a curse
Only the good things stay in my mind.
The bad things,
The hurtful things,
The things that scarred my soul,
Are discarded by my Pollyanna psyche.
I am living proof
That if we do not learn from our past
We are destined to repeat it.

I live in this real world
Asking to be fucked with
Over and over again
By the same people.
As if, the next time will be different.
As if, they changed
Because I brushed their selfish behavior
Into the dustpan
And discarded it,
So that it wouldn’t hurt me any more.

You thought it would be easy,
That you knew the lay of the land.
Turns out, it’s completely changed
Over the years
And now you’re lost.

Winter solstice is almost here.
The days are so short
The darkness is so long.
A chill runs up the spine
With a message of desperation.

This is a request, a suggestion.
It is asked out of love.
You can ignore it,
But it might get you through.

Don’t listen to the message.
The desperation would keep you from
Finding your truth.

Observe
Your feelings.
Dig deep,
Don’t be afraid.
You won’t find anything you don’t already know.

Except…..
That none of it was your fault.
Except
That you don’t have to play a game
to find out you are loved.
Love’s not a competition.
You don’t have to manipulate anyone
to be loved.
Love isn’t about control.
You don’t have to hurt someone,
to prove you have power.
Love never hurts.
You don’t have to disappear
To protect yourself.
You’ll only be lonely.
You don’t have to judge yourself so harshly
To make amends.
Love yourself,
See yourself as the divine sees you.
Faultless.

You can tell the truth, your truth
It will stand.
You can change
It will stand.
Others may not know you
Momentarily.
You don’t have to give up
You don’t have to be who they think you are.
You can be consistently truthful
And teach them who you are.
Keep rising, no matter what.

Those who can’t rise with you,
Let go of, with love and light.
Maybe you’ll see them and maybe you won’t.
Keep rising.

Be who you think you are.
Not in that silly ego mind.
Not the evil one you try so hard
To convince us you are.

Be the person you find in your soul,
In the dark of the long nights
of the approaching winter solstice
Who is just like the rest of us.
A child, a man, who wants to love and be loved.
You are……..
You can…….
You’re free.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Picture from Infopedia, on Google Images

A glimpse was all I saw

It’s all I ever see

You scamper in and out of view

A moving target

My aim is poor

You anticipate the moment

When I’ll release my fire

You escape back into the shadows

While I search in broad daylight.

It’s a game

I cannot play.