Sitting under the silvery moon,
I thought I saw a shadow
Race across the grass.
Heading for where
I do not know.

But I saw it,
frantic.
I stood up to see,
But it disappeared
Into the trees,
Where its shadow blended with the dark.

It looked like a man,
He might have been chased by the demons
That lived in his head.
I felt he wanted to join me
For a split second,
Hoping I could help him find some peace.
But shadows hid his fear.

I searched by the moonlight
To find him,
Concealed in all his armor,
I could not.

Shadows and dark
Hid him well.
The moonlight couldn’t penetrate
The dark forest.

I gave up the search.
He chose not to be found.
I’m sure he saw me, searching.
My heart aches for the man,
Hiding in the darkness.

Trying to extinguish his own light.

So what? If it is?
So what? If it’s not the same?
So what? If I do?

So what? If you’re lost?
So what? If the path is hard?
So what? If I know?

So what? It will be
Forever, what it will be.
I’ll be here, for you.

So what? If you can’t
Be here for me? It changes
nothing. I am here.

I can’t be elsewhere.
Nor can you.  Try, then,  to move.
Find yourself stuck here.

I too, am stuck here.
Here, not the same as your here.
But still here, despite.

Turn around and see
The world is a bigger place
Than here, yours and mine.

Written by Deborah E. Dayen

Picture from Google Images

I saw him
standing at the edge,
Peering over

I sat down next to him,
He didn’t seem to notice
For a long while.

He stood motionless,
As if debating something
Or contemplating something,
Or calculating something.

“Do you know how deep the abyss is?”
I asked, when finally
He blinked his eyes.

He looked at me,
in wonder.
Wondering
what I was doing there,
Sitting on the edge.

“It’s deep,” he said.
“Deep enough that if a person fell in
They could never get out.”

“What’s in there?” I asked.
He looked at me again.
Wondering why.
Why I asked,
Why I cared,
Why I was there.

He took a long breath.
“I don’t know. All I can see is darkness.”

I stood up, next to him.
“Let’s go.” I said, quietly,
Taking his hand in mine.
Willing him away from the edge.

But he held fast.
To my hand,
To the edge.
He hadn’t made up his mind.

I lifted my gaze,
To meet his beautiful eyes
Full of sadness, and fear.

But the sun was in my eyes,
It was on my face
It made me glow,
I am pretty sure.

I reached across him
With my free hand.
I touched his face.
I wiped the solitary tear from his cheek.

I stood on my tippy tippy toes,
And kissed him.
“Let’s go.” I said
Seeing through him.
Seeing through his despair,
Through his anger
Through his loneliness
Through his worthlessness.

He looked at me again.
His beautiful eyes softened.
He reached across me
And wiped the solitary tear from my cheek.

Then he held my free hand with his free hand.
We stood, there on the edge,
Together,
Facing his demons.
I wasn’t sure
If he would pull me in,
Or I would pull him out.

“Today is not the day.” He said.
And we walked away,
In a single breath
In a single consciousness.

The abyss would have to wait to claim him.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Picture from Google Images

I was in love thrice.
The first was my high school sweetheart.
We were young,
He played the guitar.
I was always “with the band”.
We were together for 3 years.
Young love, fresh love.
I gave him my virginity.
He’s still a good good ole boy.
We’re still friends,
but we never talk.
Still pickin’ at the guitar like a maniac.
He was really good.
I’m sure he still is.
It ended when I met love # 2.

Love # 2.
We were young too, when we met.
18 and free, away at college.
Hippies, the year of Kent State.
Tear gassed in the dorms
Hiding explosives.
No one ever knew.
We got married 7 years later.
For 32 years.
One son.
One contentious, ugly divorce.
It’s well over now.
I don’t miss him.
Not one bit.
Though it makes me sad.
All those years,
And I don’t even miss him.

Love # 3
I was long out of divorce
7 years.
He has killer blue eyes.
He tells good stories.
He made me laugh
Oh laughter, as good as good sex.
We had that too.
At our age, imagine.
His only downfall
Was that he was a liar
And a cheat
And he broke my heart 1000 times.
The third time was not the charm.
It was the biggest heartbreak.

But I learned to write.
Writing saved me.
He hated that I published it.
I had to do it like I have to breathe air.
We’re apart now.
I’ll always love him.
But he lies.
He doesn’t know who he is.
He’s outside the box, smart, funny.
But he lies.
He loves no one but himself.
Too bad.

So, I’m waiting for # 4.
I’m banking on the law of attraction.
Handsome, smart
Compassionate, kind.
Able to love.
Wanting a free woman,
slightly artistic,
spiritual.
Someone who knows who he is.
I imagine him,
On the fishing pier
Or the beach.
Maybe at the Blueberry Patch,
listening to my friend sing.
Or the Mangia Cafe
On Sunday morning.
Riding my bike.
We’ll hide away in my little bungalow,
have coffee on the deck.
Maybe wine.
We’ll laugh.
We’ll never cry.
He will never make me cry.

A lot like #3.
Without the lies.
Without the deceit.
Without the girlfriend, lol.

Ah, it’s a dream worth having.

Preparing to do battle today
With myself.
Wanting to lay down
And rest.
Wishing for someone
To lend me a hand
Or a heart.
Tired of being alone
Today.

But I’m alone.
It is. It just is.
I’m ready
Not to be.
I’m ready for the one
Who can and wants to.
The one craving
Connection.

Surrender,
Because it’s all I can do.
Surrender,
Because I’ve seen the power
Surrender
and let it lift me.
Out of this solitary life.

Words evade me
Last night and this morning.

Searching for something,
I know not what.

Emptiness knocks at my door,
Trying to convince me to open it.

Yet I know I have so much
I won’t let it in.

Gratitude is a place to start.
Gratitude for the rain that fell overnight.
Gratitude for family and friends who share my life.
Gratitude for life and living.

I just am, this morning. Just am.
I am. So hum.
Namaste.

The chaos whirled around me
In a giant spiral,
Trying to draw me into the center

Or maybe,
Just keep me flinging
On the periphery.

I’m not sure of it’s intention.

The storm created was weak
For all the energy it expended.

I resisted.
I have lived on the edge of insanity,
Like Rumi.
I will not go there again.

Let the spiral, spiral.
Let the storm rage.
I sought safe harbor
And calmer water.

I found it within me.
A single centered breath
Blew the storm away.