Ok, I’m going to lunch on Sunday.  I talked to him again on the phone and I can forgive him the “hot stuff”, lol.  He’s funny, he’s animated, he’s got life in him. He made me smile on the phone tonight. At least, I don’t think it will be boring, and I think he might be fun to hang out with.  The best prospect so far, lol.

Came home and had a glass of cabernet.  It tasted good, but one is enough.  I slept so well last night.  I was exhausted and I think it was just all the chaos of the last 10 days, I guess 2 weeks now, caught up with me. I had been sleeping ok, but only 5 or so hours a night.  Just a lot of chaos in my head.  I don’t know what else to call it, really. What else can you call it?

Now I just look at it, and have to feel sorry for all the characters he set in motion in the little drama he created. Not for him, I guess. He set it up, he got what he wanted. She and I….well, not feeling sorry for myself, because I knew better this time. I am not sure she’s that strong yet, I think she wants to believe him like I did for so long. And she has all that history.

Well, it’s not my worry at the moment. I don’t want to impose on her, she has way too much on her plate already. I just wish her well. And him? He has hurt a lot of people in his production of “Who Loves Scott?” I don’t know what to wish him at the moment. I guess I wish he thought enough of himself that he didn’t need to do what he does to the people who really loved him, just to prove to himself that he’s worthy. I wish he knew he was worthy, and behaved in ways that would make him proud of himself, instead of ashamed.

I’m looking so forward to going to the beach tomorrow. First time this year. I sent in for my state pass that you can get here for all state parks to get into for free if you’re over 65. So hopefully, I’ll get it soon, and we won’t have to pay to get into any of the CT beaches. It’s usually around $12 to $15 a car load.

The beautiful beaches are in Rhode Island, about an hour and a half from here. We try to go once or twice a summer. Bigger surf, cleaner water. It costs around $20 to get into some of them. Scott took me to some that don’t cost at all, so I may try to figure out how to get to those at some point this summer. But the drive is longer.

Misquamicut Beach in Rhode Island

We have one beach we go to that is nothing special, on the beach. But there are 2 sandbars, which are out of the water at low tide. If we hit them right, we can take our chairs out to the 2^nd one, and sit all afternoon about a ¼ mile offshore. It’s pretty cool. I was looking for pics of it on Google images, and some of the other Rhode Island beaches.  I found them, but realized that one beach looks like another in a picture, lol.

Time for my chocolate fix. Here’s hoping for a nice weekend for everyone.

Love and light, everyone.

The past week has been so chaotic, and not of my choosing. I just write. I write what I feel. I did that 10 days ago, and saw the storm ensue. Yet, the seeds of the storm were not mine, I only wrote the effect on me, I only put down in words, that the seeds were planted by another, and then began to strangle me.

So I threw them off, and they apparently strangled the gardener.

I built a fence. A strong fence. I don’t want that gardener back in there. I want beautiful flowers planted, life-sustaining fruits. Looking for a replacement gardener.

I’m not sure if he saved himself or not.

Planting seeds of chaos will never grow into something beautiful. And I saw him plant those seeds in my garden, and someone else’s too, spreading his dark chaos. I don’t know if the other garden managed to break free or not, but I hope so. I hope the other garden is not full of chokeweeds and poison wood. I hope there is a fence that will keep the dark gardener out of that one too.

It’s hard. He comes disguised. It’s easy to get drawn in, and find all these weeds already growing by the time you realize the garden is full of things you don’t want, taking over and smothering all the beautiful things you had planted.

Beware of the gardener with beautiful eyes. It’s just an elaborate ruse, to use your ground, your soil, to grow his selfish weeds.

I’m just beginning to breathe again, after the ensuing battle to rid my garden of things I don’t want. It was hard work, and I’m tired. But making my way back.

I remembered, at some point, that the garden was mine, and I could choose to grow only the things that bring me happiness. So that is my quest now, just to fill it up with joy.

Love and light.

Picture from Google images

Date was a no go. The man wasn’t feeling well, has a back problem. He wants to reschedule next week. We’ll see. The Sunday date just called me, and left a voice mail. My phone was on silent from work. He called me “hot stuff.” He thinks that was funny apparently. Thinking I’m gonna cancel. It was about as funny as S asking to come up here and star gaze on the deck 4 days after he called me the c word on this blog. Geezus. Just think I’ll quit while I’m ahead.

Not much else to talk about. Going to bed early. My stomach had me up in the middle of the night last night. Not surprised.

Whatever. I need to get this house sold.

Bitch bitch bitch, lol.

Can’t keep my eyes open. Think I’ll call I a night. Love and light, all.

Sitting outside this morning was really amazing to me. I did my meditation and while in that state composed a few Haiku, one of which I now can’t remember the last line, hmmmmm. Well if it comes to me I’ll post it, lol.

I had a rough night’s sleep, my stomach issues have resurfaced, most likely due to the stress of last weekend. I’ll put it away, I think this morning helped me to gain some distance. So much to be grateful for and look forward to.

I have a date tonight, and another on Sunday. The guy I’m meeting Sunday made me laugh on the phone, so even though we seem to be quite different, I think it will be worth the effort, lol. Someone who can make me laugh definitely opens the door to my heart.

Going to the beach Saturday with my BFF’s, so I have a lot to look forward to, and little, really, in the grand scope of things, to worry about. So I need to let go the anxiety and just let the good stuff fill the vacuum.

Life is good. Love and light, all.