Question of the Day: What Do You Value Most?

Posted on by learning to live like water

Question of the Day

What personality trait is do you most value in others?

For me, it is trust. I cannot be friends with anyone I cannot trust. There are a million ways to earn trust, and a million ways to break it. I think it is way easier to break it than to earn it. There was a time that I gave people too many chances to regain my trust if they broke it, but as I’ve aged, I’ve gained some wisdom around trust, and realize that someone who is willing to break your trust once, will be willing to do it again. If people don’t honor themselves enough to tell the truth, chances are they won’t honor you.

The fact is you can never really get to know someone who doesn’t earn your trust. You can never be safe. You can never let down your guard. While other traits are important to me, such as kindness, generosity, being considerate, none of those matter if someone is not trustworthy. As I get older, the less I can tolerate untrustworthy people.

So tell me what trait has the most value to you. Or write a blog and link it back here so others can read your thoughts.

As ever, love and light

Haiku No. 411: Superbowl Weight

Posted on by learning to live like water

food

Superbowl Sunday

Ribs, and chips, and dips and drinks

Diet starts today.

 

I realized this morning that we have an unofficial, but real season from Thanksgiving through Superbowl, which should be called Stuff Your Face Season.  During this season it’s hard to maintain a certain weight, and almost impossible to lose any.  Even with “in earnest” dieting between the banquets.  I’m glad it’s over!  Time to actually start using that Y membership I get for free with my health insurance!

By Deborah E. Dayen

Picture from Google Images

Question of the Day: Do You Play Card Games

Posted on by learning to live like water

Do you play any card games? If so what game, and why that game?

We started playing cards a while ago. We play gin, and whoever gets to 100 points first wins. I suppose you could play it to any number you wanted, but 100 works for us. We have found it a nice way to unwind the day, in the evening with a glass of ice water or a glass of wine. We have been known to get up in the middle of the night and play when neither of us can sleep. We’ll play one game, til we are ready to face plant on the table, and then go back to bed and actually fall asleep. (Note, we have done the same thing with the hot tub, but when the temp out is in the 40’s we’re not so keen to walk over there in our bathing suits.)

I was terrible at first, because I was learning, but now I win quite often, although Dan is the more skilled player. He seems to know when to hold out for gin better than I. I like playing though because we sit and talk, undistracted by the TV, and we have a few laughs. It’s not something I ever imagined I’d do on a regular basis, but I do, and I enjoy it. I only know how to play gin and 31, but 31 you need more than 2 people for it to be a good game. We play that when we’re at my sister and brother-in-laws house.

So, I’m just wondering if you play at all, and if so is it for relaxation, or entertainment, or even money. Tell me what game, and maybe I’ll be able to expand my repertoire beyond gin and 31.

Love and light to all.

Question of the Day: Where Do You Find Your Greatest Peace?

Posted on by learning to live like water

I have always called the ocean my second home, because it is where I feel the most peace. I love to be on it more than beside it, but these days beside it is where I find myself, and am happy to be. I love the motion, the big broad unfettered horizons, and the beauty of dropping anchor in some small harbor, letting the water rock me to sleep.

So my question is, where is your spot to breathe, to find peace, to leave the noise behind, and regroup?

I never understood why I am so attracted to the ocean, because I grew up in Iowa, three blocks from the Mississippi River.  (I got an answerr a few years ago, but that’s too long a story for now.)  I remember in school, when kids would come back to school in September and tell you they’d been to the ocean that summer on vacation, we would look at them in awe, and tell them how lucky they were. When I moved to CT, and got married, it wasn’t long until we had a boat we could take out on the ocean. We moved up in size of boat, so we could go farther, stay longer and be more comfortable. I often have said that the boat made me stay married much longer than I should have been, because I just didn’t want to give up that life.

Then I realized that even the boating life could get tainted by a bad marriage. Which may lead to another question, for another day.

Please tell me where your place is, and why it is. Or, write your own blog about it, and link it back here in a comment, so others can find it.

As always, love and light to all.

Question of the Day: Manifesting Our Dreams – Reality or Coincidence?

Posted on by learning to live like water

At Dan’s suggestion, I’m going to try to post a question of the day every day, and hope I can get some conversations going. These may range from the very serious to the very absurd, but all comments are welcome! I think it might be fun, at any rate. If you might have any suggestions for a question, just ask in the comments and I’ll post it, unless it is inappropriate. You know, not fit for public discussion….

So, today’s question is: Have you ever manifested a dream into reality?

I have. I was going to say “I think I have” but I don’t think it, I know it. Some people think the fact that my dreams became reality is a coincidences. I think when they so closely resemble the picture I had in my head there is something more at work there. The law of attraction, and/or the universe working in my behalf.

Briefly, these are my successful manifestations.

1. My house in CT. During my 4 year divorce, I did not wish ill on my ex, as a rule. Of course there were times I prayed for his demise but they were short lived, lol, and not sincere. But the house I dreamed of in detail. And I got exactly what I dreamed of.

2. That my son would be with me, in that house. It was his doing, but it was my dream and so, I have to say the universe conspired in both our behalves.

3. My move to Florida, and finding a home exactly as I dreamed of. Small, bright, happy, close to the water.

4. As I’ve said many times, Dan. A good-looking, sexy, thoughtful, kind, considerate man who knows who he is and has a strong sense of right and wrong. And he loves me back, lol.

But there have been good arguments against believing I manifested these dreams as well, and while I acknowledge their validity, I still choose to believe we are the makers of our reality by focusing our thoughts on what we want, not on what we don’t want, or what we want others to say, do, or feel. (Just an aside, but during that 4 year divorce, my ex focused on ruining me financially, and ruining my relationship with my son. Both things are exactly what happened to him, proving, to me at least, that what you think about and focus on is what you will bring to yourself.) I think it takes practice, and focus, but that eventually we learn to duck when we say “Oh shit!” Start with manifesting a parking place at the grocery store. I’m pretty good now, at manifesting a good spot, if I remember to give it a few minutes thought on the way there. Really.

Anyway, tell me your thoughts! I’d love to hear! Or, write a blog and link it back here, if you have too much to say for a comment. And, love and light to all.

Daring Greatly

Posted on by learning to live like water

President Kennedy, among others, said “Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly.” I’m sitting up tonight by the pink light of the Tibetan salt lamp thinking about that quote. I’ve taken it for granted, meaning, I’ve known it. But right now I wonder, do I? Really?

Fear has not entered into the equation in my life too often. If I want to do something, or want a certain outcome, I just go for it. Not really impulsively, but if I think it can be done then I get about doing it. Moving to Florida, for example. The move involved selling a house I loved, leaving my home town of 45 years and the dearest circle of long time friends anyone could dream of, buying a new house in a town where I knew one person. And…and this is important, being sure I could create a new retired life I would enjoy.

Now, an aside….I’m an Aries and we tend to just push for our way. Our best trait, I read in a book, is courage. (Our worst is that we are selfish, and aggressive. Hmmm.) So I think that helps with the fear thing.

The question for me is, in conjunction with this quote, did I “dare to fail miserably”?

I did not look at it as a dare, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t. Nor did I even allow myself to think of it as an action that could end in failure. Is just deciding what you want and achieving that goal the same thing as daring greatly?

The daring part…..brings me always to Brene Brown and her book, Daring Greatly. This is where I learned that to make ourselves vulnerable is to dare greatly. Because vulnerability is so hard, excruciatingly hard at times. And excruciatingly beautiful at times. How will you ever really feel love, without feeling vulnerable? How will you create your great work without at least a small amount of fear that it won’t be accepted? But if you don’t push ahead, and follow your passion, or lacking a passion just following your curiosity, how will you experience the exhilaration of success, of joy, of achieving?

I didn’t feel that I dared greatly when I moved here, and bought this house and started to create a new life. It was actually fun, once I got through the real work of selling a house and packing it up and moving it here. It was fun to meet people, to make new friends, to start a writers group. But I suppose that from some angles it looks like I dared greatly, because I could have moved here and not met anyone, made no friends, and been miserable. So, I challenged myself and successfully achieved my dream, which is still in process.

I did dare, though it felt enormously safe, when I allowed myself to love the man who sleeps beside me. Dan dared greatly in loving me, and in sharing his life with me. And that relationship, I believe, is succeeding greatly. Like the rest of my new life, it’s brought me nothing but joy.

I think of that quote by JFK, and it inspires thoughts of men and women who have done amazing things with their life that have benefited all of humanity. I think that those are the people he is talking about. But he’s talking about all of us, just like Brene is. To dare greatly is to move toward a dream, taking into account it could fail, but also that it could bring spectacular joy to our lives.

Dan and I have now created some new dreams in partnership, and I feel like those will come true too. We are daring to do them, because he, like me, believes we have to take the chances carefully, and keep in mind that failure is a possibility unless we cover all the bases and build the dream one block at a time.

I only use my life as an example, because…well, whose life could I use but my own? I am not blowing my horn, I need no approval of what I’ve done from anyone except myself. But it is interesting to observe the journey, and to realize that perhaps I did dare to fail greatly so that I had the possibility of achieving greatly in my personal life.

So can everyone else. If we fail, we learn from it. When I was in a miserable long term marriage, I tried to leave it multiple times before I was successful. Instead of viewing each attempt as a failure, (after which I found myself in a more abusive relationship than before because I had to pay the price for having had the audacity to think I could leave) I used it as a lesson. I learned from it, each time a little more about what I had to face, what the impact of leaving would be. I would regroup, replan, and try it again, and on the third attempt I got myself out, and more importantly, enabled my son to leave his abusive father. That whole thing was daring to fail miserably and failing miserably, but not giving up, and eventually achieving greatly.

Guess these are middle of the night ruminations as I begin to feel a shift in my life really, from one alone, to two who were alone, to two who are working together, daring greatly. Not feeling a lot of fear of failing miserably, but knowing that without constant care, failure is an option. That we will achieve our dreams greatly is a more solid belief. And it will be excruciatingly beautiful when it happens.

Being out on that vulnerability limb is a scary place to be, but also a beautiful one. I’ve held onto it a few times now, in my life, and it hasn’t broken under my weight yet. I hope you all can find the same.

Love and light.

Extraordinary Dining Experience

Posted on by learning to live like water

Last night my sweetie and I took advantage of a Groupon coupon for a really high-end restaurant. It is owned by a chef who was cordon bleu trained in France, has been a James Beard nominee many times and a finalist multiple times. It was a 6 course tasting meal, and the coupon brought the price down from $195 to $95 for two people. Then we bought it on a day Groupon was giving 25% off everything on the site, so we paid $71.00 for two dinners. They pair each course with a different wine, for an additional fee of $55 each, which we paid full price for at the restaurant, and it was well worth it.

I have never had a meal like this. Our server was a young man, 24 years old, who was so knowledgeable about the food and the wine, and was so friendly, and funny. The GM of the restaurant came to our table twice, and made us feel so welcome. The food pleasure built, from a first course of an amazing butternut squash soup, through the salad, the pasta (which was divine) and the main course of fillet mignon or scallops (we ordered both and split them). After the main course was a plate of cheese and fruit, and then a small strawberry shortcake for dessert. They served the most amazing breads, and a couple of palate cleansers during the meal. The wine was so perfectly chosen, and enhanced each course. Our favorite wine was the red zinfandel, served with the cheese and fruit plate. I couldn’t pick a favorite food. Every course was perfect. The intensity rose to a crescendo with the main course and gently brought you down with the cheese and fruit and a small serving of dessert.

We had a 7 PM reservation and left there at 10, and had no idea where that 3 hours went. Talk about being pampered. It reminded me of how I felt when I went to a spa for the day a few years ago, and spent the same amount of money having a massage, a facial, lunch in a terry bathrobe and flip-flops and martinis, lol. Just luxurious. To be spending it with the man I love, and whose company I really enjoy, made it so special, and to be in Florida, where the temperature was around 60, and I could wear a dress with a light sweater and be comfortable made the evening the stuff of my dreams.

The place was packed, on a Tuesday night. We were so impressed by other things, like the kitchen being behind a counter, but not a wall, and the gleaming appliances, and the unstressed attitude of all the staff. We LOVED not being rushed through, but being encouraged to enjoy and take our time and really taste everything. They wanted to immerse you in the experience, not feed you and refill your table.

This evening was something you might do once or twice a year, unless you can regularly spend $300-$400 for dinner for two. It was a special special thing. We found out that they do serve a fixed price 4 course meal between 5:30 and 6:30 for $36 and think we might try that sometime when we are celebrating something special. Also they serve lunch (though you need reservations for that too) and our server said it’s exceptional as well. I’m going to try to get my sis and her hubby up here to do that with us sometime.

The pictures above are of the menu and the wine pairing list. The name of the restaurant is Cafe Ponte (that’s the chef’s name). We told them the Groupon brought us in but the food and service will bring us back. It was so nice to treat ourselves to this. Now we both have to lose a lb or two that were added onto the scale this morning though.

Amazing experience. Feeling blessed this morning to have had it. Love and light.