A Going-Away Party

My bff, as I suspected she would, had a surprise going-away party for me last night. She’d asked me to dinner, but I know her. I knew I wasn’t going to get away with just a dinner. So when I got there about 20 of my closest friends were there.

I started to cry, just for a second, that they were all there, for me. No one, ever, has thrown a surprise party for me. Just was so nice, just wrapped up in the love of the people I love. They’ve all said they wanted to come see me in FL. I know not all of them will, I know some of them will.

We ate, and drank, and told stories, and laughed. I love going to my bff’s house, because I know I will laugh there until my stomach hurts. I only had one drink. I was tired when I got there. But it was just fun, relaxing. Caught up with everyone before I left.

A few people gave me gifts, which totally surprised me. How nice! I am going to have to get some cards that I can write thank you notes on, to all the people at work and my friends.

I don’t think there’s anyone I haven’t said goodbye to now. And I’ve been good, I’ve barely cried at all. At least not til I’m alone. I think I may cry when I leave town, maybe when I leave my house to go to my friend Susan’s for the two nights before I leave. The movers are coming Tuesday to take my stuff. Wednesday I’ll clean the house, and we’re leaving early Thursday, really early like around 5 am, to beat the NYC traffic because we have to go over one of the bridges over the Hudson. So, I will stay at her house after the movers take my stuff.

I am nervous, and anxious, and excited, and happy, and sad. I have never had so many mixed emotions about anything. Yet, I know it’s the right thing, only choice I can make that makes any sense for me to be able to spend some time not working. So I forge ahead, each day, and make the dream come a little closer. When I get to Florida, Susan will be with me, and my friend Pat from high school who lives there, and my other high school friend Cathy who is coming over from Daytona just to help me move in. So I will be greeted and in the company of more people I love. In October my sister will be down for the winter, I can’t wait for that, to be able to be close to her. It’s all good.

I am so blessed, just so incredibly blessed. That I am able to do this at all, to make this choice, to have had family to help me do it, and life-long friends. My bff toasted me last night, reminding me that we have been friends since I brought her Glorious Morning Muffins when her father died, and we sat at her kitchen table and bonded. 20 years ago. She has stuck with me through my horrible marriage and divorce, and helped me to move out, and advised me to leave Scott in the dust long before I could imagine it, but she was right. She could see how he treated me, and how I was taking it and after my ex, she couldn’t stand to see me let Scott do what he did to me. But she also never got mad at me for my inability to let him go, she knew I really loved him. Though one time, when I asked her to go shopping she said, “Ok, I’ll go, but we’re not talking about him.” LOL. And we didn’t. I don’t think she and I, or any of my friends have ever uttered an unkind word to each other. True true friends. We are there for each other, all of us, without judgment, with only unconditional love.

The path opens, and it is paved with the wonderful things that have been put in my life. I know there are more waiting for me there.

Love and light, everyone.

 

Gettin’ In The Groove

It took me awhile to get in the groove today. But I did, finally. I slept well last night, but woke up still exhausted. I guess it’s just emotional exhaustion. Goodbyes, so many. So many well wishes on FB. Of course, there is one person who has remained silent, but I suppose that’s for the best.  Whatever….   I hate leaving things on a bad note, that’s all.  But again….maybe it’s just for the best.  You know, I heard from Addie, the man whose heart I broke a few times, but not from the man who caused me to do it.  But you know, that’s who they each are.  I was really pleased to hear from Addie.  He’s always been there for me.  He understands what love always means.

I got a good amount of stuff done today. I think I’m ahead of the game. I got more stuff thrown into the pile of stuff getting hauled to the dump. Also got my floors vacuumed up and downstairs. I’ve been neglecting the normal housework stuff.  Got the two rugs I’m taking rolled up. And have about half the kitchen packed. So really…not that much left to do. I have to finish my clothes but not until I know what’s going in my suitcase for driving down.

I decided starting in Monday we will be on paper plates and plastic cups so I can get the dishes packed. And when I come back from CO, no more cooking. Pots and pans are gonna get packed that weekend, and finishing my clothes and bathroom stuff. I’ll have to stay at my friend Susan’s who is driving down with me for a couple nights before we go.

But I’m ready. I have the plan, I have the schedule. I think I’ve thought it through and not left anything out. When I get to FL, my friend who lives there, and my friend who lives across the state in Daytona will be there. Susan will stay until Monday afternoon. So I have some people to help me move in.

I stopped working today at about 3 PM and promptly fell asleep on my couch. At 4 I got up and decided to run some errands and get a few things at the grocery store. And now, I’m starting dinner, but also sitting with a nice Gosling’s rum and coke with a half a lime squeezed in. Feeling relaxed. Content. I have so much to do this week, the fact that I’m not working is incidental, really. But the fact is, I’m pretty relaxes about it because I don’t have to work.

Which still friggin’ blows my mind.

Well, I think I’ll go get some stuffed olives out of the frig, and have a snack with my drink.

Love and light, all.