Another weirdly warm December day today. Yesterday it was in the mid-60’s, today will be similar, but cloudy not sunny. We are all loving it. Our heat doesn’t go on, we don’t have to wear 5 layers of clothes to stay warm, my winter coat has not come out of the closet yet this year!
Awesome, just awesome.
I don’t know what’s going on with A, he was acting weird last night. He did finally text me, and quickly said “goodnight sweetie” then began to talk about his date Friday night. How she’s nicer than the last woman he dated, and how she’d invited him and his son to Christmas. I said, “Wow, on the first date….” because that actually seems a little weird to me, to ask someone on the first date to come to your home for Christmas. I will say he exudes kindness and love, but still…just seems a little needy on her part or something to me. And on his, to accept that quickly. To me, coming to someone’s home on Christmas speaks to a closer level of connection than a single date.
But then I began to think how he’s going to meet the Michigan woman in a month…and this one wants him for Christmas, and I wondered…and asked… “Did you tell her about Michigan?” Because, really…someone who is asking you to Christmas on the first date obviously likes you and I would guess she’s not thinking about being one of many partners.
He didn’t answer. At all. I have not heard since I asked the question.
Maybe he feels it’s none of my business, but we are close friends, I can ask him anything, I thought, or tell him anything. And if he’s going to get chummy with this new woman, she should know his plans. I will always advocate having the truth on the table. Anything else is just self-serving.
I’m thinking I don’t really like this new thing he’s doing, deciding that he doesn’t want to be monogamous. He said he wants to learn to share better. ??? I think it’s an idea he picked up from the Michigan woman, who last week, was “off with her other boyfriend.” Speaking from experience, it’s a recipe for disaster. When he told me that a week or so ago, I said, “I can’t do that, Addie. Scott would have loved it if I could, but I can’t.” Reminding him of the pain it caused me. It is incongruous with the man I have known for the better part of a year, for him to not be monogamous, for him not to be forthcoming about his intentions with others. I’m not jealous, I’d love for him to find someone who loves him madly. I can’t love him that way, and lord knows I tried, but it wasn’t there.
I’m afraid he’s a mess. And I still know if I wanted to be in a relationship with him, he’d give it all up…. I don’t know if he’s more hurt than he will admit by my not wanting him to come here, by my not wanting to have an intimate relationship with him and is trying to fill the hole. I’m not tuned into him like I am/was (hopefully was) to Scott. So I can’t read it that well from 2000 miles.
Well, I’m not going to obsess over it. Things change, and it seems he is too. If this path continues, we won’t be so close anymore, because I can’t admire what he’s doing at the moment. I’ll miss him, but it is what it is. I’m still grateful to have him, to have had him in my life, he’s never treated me with anything but love and respect, except for his little anomaly yesterday asking to come see me after he’s been with the MI woman. But it does show where he’s headed….not a good thing.