So A and I have been having a conversation. I told him I cannot support what he’s doing, that it affects our friendship because it affects the way I see him as a man.
I can’t find a redeeming quality in not being monogamous. He can follow his heart, I just don’t know what he and I would even have in common. He says, “We can’t be best friends now?”
No. I have nothing in common with someone who wants to hop beds, whether or not I’m one of the ones he’s hopping into. I find it distasteful. I find it callous, thoughtless, a recipe for disaster for someone’s heart. I’ve had mine shredded from it. I told him I don’t have any friends who are not monogamous with their partner, or wouldn’t be if they had one. Not one. I don’t get along with people who want to have multiple partners.
He says, it is me who keeps breaking his heart….
I know this, though I never meant to. I was crazy in love with Scott. I am not now, I am completely unattached but what does that matter? I couldn’t love A whether or not Scott was in the picture, not the way A wanted, not the way I loved Scott. I tried, God knows.
He says, I’m not asking to bed you, but can’t we be friends. I know that, I said. But I don’t know what we’d have in common, to base a friendship on. That speaks to the basic level of commonalities. If he wants to be like Scott, and have a different woman every night, (which Scott told me was his fantasy), why would I have an intimate close relationship with him, even if the intimacy didn’t involve sex? I don’t respect that, I can’t honor it. I can only see the pain it will cause at sometime. And, I see that it will leave him alone, all alone….which is not what he wants either.
I told A it will not fill his holes. It will not bring him what he wants. That he’s going to have to be patient, and keep his heart open, and the right woman will come into his life. But this….this sets him up to break someone’s heart. I don’t think he wants to do that. Even if he’s up front about it, which is better than Scott’s deception, but still, is just something ugly, in my book.
I told him he has to follow his heart, he has to do what he has to do, but I won’t be able to support it. I told him it changes how I see him.
What is with these men in their 60’s who are so focused on having sex that they give up human connection. My God, their parts might stop working soon, so many men have issues with it at this age. What will they have when if that happens? No one, no connection, no one that will soothe their brow, or hold their hand, or kiss them goodnight. Are they in a hurry to get as much sex in as they can before it happens?
God, such a shallow sad life. I never dreamed A would have anything in common with S. But I was wrong. I am disappointed, so disappointed. A is honest about it, but in the end, it’s the same thing. A shallow attempt to fill an empty soul. The answers will never lay in sucking the energy from someone else. Neither one of these men understands that the answers are within, and that’s the only place they will find them.