This Morning, No Loss, Only Gain



This morning I awoke at my normal time, 5:30. It was lovely, cool. The day yesterday was in the high 80’s, as today is supposed to be, and the night was cool, it’s in the low 60’s this morning. Perfection, not a cloud in the sky. The people who bought my deck furniture have not come back yet to pick it up, so I am still sitting in my sacred space, typing this. Another gifted day for me.

I awoke happy this morning. Really feeling happy. I don’t know if I finally sat with that funk long enough, missing him, or what, but today it seems gone. Today I feel so ready to move forward, with no regrets, not longings for anything that wasn’t. Today I can see that what was behind me should be behind me, and that what I have in front of me can be just the most amazing part of my life.

I have told my son that the least of my worries is whether or not he’ll get a job. He’s been filling out applications online and has had 3 or 4 good call backs. He hasn’t found a place to live yet, and that has been my biggest worry. I told him last night, if he doesn’t have a place to live he’s coming with me, lol. There is no way I’m taking him to Denver without a place waiting for him. He said he’s contacted 50 places and they won’t get back to him.

So I looked on Craigslist myself last night. I came to realize that he probably hasn’t gotten a callback because he has no rental history. I told him, you need to tell them you’ve been paying $400 a month for years, which he has, to me. That he’s been making a car payment for over a year, never a minute late. And he bought some stuff on a credit card, just so he’d have credit, and paid it off on time. I told him to get a free credit check and print it out and tell people they are welcome to see it.

He said he’s going to do that this morning, and hopefully that will make a difference. He is seriously one of the most responsible 24 year olds I know. He’s offering 3 months rent up front. Because I’m serious, he’s not going without a place to live. No way. And I know he doesn’t want to come to Florida and live in a town full of “90 year olds Mom.” LOL. Whatever. Just find a nice place to live and I’ll be good.

Didn’t hear from my buyers about the offer I made yet. I’m guessing they had to have the report checked out by someone. I hope I hear today. I can’t imagine that they won’t take it, if they love the house. I don’t think I could be more fair.

So much to do this week. Tag sale Saturday, and I need to make sure I get everything together that I want to try to sell. Tonight I have a hair appointment, Thursday I’m going out with some friends for dinner. So I have tomorrow night and Friday night to prepare.

Work has become a little easier. I’m turning over most everything to my replacement to do, while I’m still there, to assist in whatever she has questions about. She is still so overwhelmed, she gets so confused so easily, but it’s not to be unexpected. She has had to learn the basics of 3 different companies in a relatively short amount of time. I’m sure she’ll be fine, but I know she’s terrified for me to leave.

The other girl who I’m training is not in such a confusing job, and seems to pick it up easily and does not get too upset, she just figures out stuff on her own. She still requires my help on things, but only things that come up that are completely foreign to her.

I think I’m leaving both jobs in good hands, and have done a good job of training them as best I can.

I met with my financial counselor yesterday to talk about what I need to do with the money from the house, and to find out where I should take money from when I need it, and how to switch over my 401K, etc. It all looks good. I feel comfortable with my plans and he seemed to feel comfortable too.

I’ll tell my ex that I’m moving pretty soon, maybe next week, so he won’t get blindsided by it when he goes to his niece’s wedding. I won’t be seeing that whole family again most likely, except maybe the cousin with whom I’m good friends. But I haven’t seen them for years anyway, so it’s fine. They are all very cloistered in their fears of each other.

So, I’m ready. This morning I’m ready for this next chapter of my life to start, and I’m not even feeling choked up when I think about my son being so far away. Well, a little, but not overwhelmingly. For the last 4 days it was so hard. Today I don’t feel like I’m losing anything, only gaining.

It’s a beautiful day today, my life is becoming what I dreamed it would. At the end of the day, there is only love. Always and all ways.

Love and light.

Selling Off A Bit of My Sacred Space

deck furniture

I have a few things that I need to sell or give away, large items, before I move. Yesterday I put some ads on a FB page that is a never-ending tag sale for my town only. I put my deck furniture and my grill up, for $50 each. I could have sold the deck furniture 10 times in 3 hours, it was amazing. A guy is coming by today to get it. I think I paid Walmart $150 or something for it when I moved in. It needs new cushions, they are all thread-bare now.

But I will miss it. It’s where I sit in the summer, in the morning, in the evening. It’s where S and I used to sit and talk, or star gaze for hours. We watched the meteor shower out here one night. One night we saw moondogs, it was my first time. But I digress. There are so many memories for me, every time I start sorting and packing. This will be good to let go of. One less reminder of what was and wasn’t.

Still, it feels like I’m selling off pieces of my sacred space.  Gotta let go of stuff, like the Buddha says, Non-attachment is the way.

For the next few weeks, I’ll just have to pull another chair out here, and maybe a tv table.

I didn’t get any bites on the grill, which needs new burners. My son said they are not a big deal to put in. The grill cost me $350 or so, It’s in good shape except the burners. It’s a really good grill.

Today I have to clean up the washer and dryer in the basement, the spare ones, and get them listed. I brought them with me from the condo I had been living in, they are perfectly good. I thought my son might want them if and when he moved out, never forseeing the moves that would happen 5 years later. And I have a couch and loveseat in the basement, that he uses. They are both pull-out beds, nice green microfiber. I also bought those for the condo I rented for 4 years. I need to sell them too. Or I’ll have to just give them away.

My neighborhood is having a tag sale next Saturday. So whatever is left, I will try to sell then. I have a lot of just stuff I’m not taking. Like a door wreath for the winter with a snowman on it. Not really appropriate for Florida, LOL. Snow shovels, maybe a rake.

This morning I need to get to the grocery store, and clean up my kitchen counters and floors, then continue with the packing and sorting. It feels overwhelming at times. So much to do.

Last night my girlfriend who is also moving when I’m moving, went out with me for a bite to eat. I just could not put together a meal. Tired, I guess. And needed some human connection, after being alone all day with my thoughts and memories. So we went to a local Mexican restaurant, I had shrimp and bacon quesadillas, it was good. One glass of wine and that was it. It’s been so great to have a friend going through this same thing, albeit she is only moving 15 miles from here, and not stopping working, and her kids will stay with her. So not the same, but still, similar.

At least I’m moving along down this path, getting things done. I hope I don’t have to be at the closing, and can leave a day or two before the closing. Gotta get an answer on that from my atty.

Onward….. Love and light, all.


Picture at top is my deck furniture.  🙂