The closer I get to retiring the less I want to go to work. It’s hard when you are a relatively short timer. This morning was particularly difficult. Maybe because I was up for about an hour in the night last night. And maybe because when I woke up I had a little vertigo, which happens from time to time. Maybe because I was alone all weekend, which was 3 days because of the snow Friday. Maybe because it’s going to snow for the next 4 days, on and off.
UGH. I am really a whiny baby this morning.
I am going to get my oil changed on the way to work this morning. It’s so overdue, I’ve never let it go this long. I just kept forgetting. Bad, bad. I need this car to last me.
On a positive note, I got a couple necklaces made yesterday, one of them a gift for my sis when I go to Florida. I got the tray cleaned off that I lay them out on, it was so full of single beads and chips and chain and clasps left over from other projects it was almost difficult to lay a new one out.
I guess my problem at the moment is that ordinary is not cutting it for me. I want joy, excruciating joy. The kind of joy that makes your skin sensitive, your head spin it is so intense. Joy. My life is good, it’s fine, but at the moment, so ordinary. So bland. I don’t want drama, God knows I’ve had enough of that. I just want joy.
So I was looking for a picture to put at the top of this blog. I searched “Joy”. All I could find was “choose joy” or “joy comes from within”. Or something along the lines that it’s not something you find, it’s something you decide to live.
I know this. I’ve always known this. I shake my head at how far from my center I am this morning. I see where my work lies. About to do a little resetting of my attitude.
Yeah, excruciating joy. That’s all.
learningtolivelikewaterblog.com 
You don’t sound convinced but I’ll give you an A for effort. Good luck with the reset.
Oh man, you are so insightful. Do you live in my head? LOL. I’m working on it…..I’ll get there.
Trust me, I’ve been on silent scream mode for a while now. I know where you are. Please remember that when you reset, all the latent negative energy you’ve been pretending not to notice will float to the surface. It’s just the Universe saying: “Do you want to send this to the recycle bin?” Say yes, do not engage with it and comfort yourself in the way that feels natural for you. Even if that means ignoring what I’m saying now.
I think maybe that’s what I was doing in the beginning of this post. Spitting it out. Then getting disgusted with myself because I have so much to be grateful for. So I did a meditation on opening my heart to love and gratitude, which is kind of my default place to go. Feeling better. I would never ignore you! You are far to wise! And I think you “get” me. 😊
You’re lovely. Thank you. When someone asks for support, I just want to offer it and not poke them with a stick. I wanted you to know that I was coming from a place of supporting you. I really hope you will continue on this path of resetting. Beaming you lots of light thoughts for your day.
Thanks for being here. And your words of wisdom. Luckily, I am practiced at climbing out of the dark hole, lol. With s little help from my friends, of course!
I know this feeling… all too well.😊 A good pep talk to one self does it some days, and other days not so much.. you will get there, it goes up and down.. I have no method to my madness so don’t listen to me 😉
So sick of the roller coaster. I’m usually up. I’ll get back there. 😊
Me 2… It has been worse for me.. I am doing ok.. but still long for the joy and excitement about life… I guess sometimes I should be content with just the state of “not being a complete wreck”… 😜 I know you will get back up. You have such strength. Hugs. 💜
It will come. I know you will too. Xo