This was such a good day. It would have been stellar even if all that happened was my sister and brother-in-law had been the only event. I had a wonderful evening too, so that was amazing.

I took a nap this afternoon (oh the life of being retired) so that I could hopefully get to open mic night. I’m feeling so much a part of that community, I hate to miss it now. The music is varied, as are the people who get up and sing. Some just for the love of singing, some because they are trying to get a name for themselves in the area. But whatever the reason, they all give it their all, and it’s a joy to hear. Those of us who don’t sing, just visit, and listen, and enjoy. Make friends, get to know people better each time. I managed to make it there, and just settled in to relax and enjoy the evening. My drink for the night was a glass of jasmine mint iced tea.

Tonight my friend Beth didn’t get there til later, so I sat with the man I had the nice conversation with a couple weeks ago, and we continued our conversation, about parents dying (both of us lost our beloved mothers in the last year) and kids, and NYC and just so much. He lost a daughter to breast cancer in 2010, I told him I understood how incredibly hard it is to lose a child because I lost my beautiful niece. Then the man who Beth asked to give me a ride to the urgent care a couple days ago came up behind me, and kissed me on the forehead, and exclaimed, “Oh my God!  You’re alive!” and  sat on my other side.  I guess I must have been looking pretty bad on that ride.  He’s leaving for PA and Boston to see his kids, and grandkids. We also have plenty to talk about. Two of the nicest, kindest, most generous men I know. And lots of other people come and go to our tables, while the music plays. They come to talk about the music we just heard, or about what they are going to play. We all mostly migrated there from somewhere else, so inevitably we find common ground. I met a woman who’d moved from Massachusetts 3 years ago and one who just moved here from Maine 2 months ago! Another newbie! She grew up in Iowa too!! And all 3 of us from New England.

When Beth got up to sing, I realized after about 30 seconds she was doing my poem “Digging in the Dark” as a song. (This is the link to the poem if you care to read it: https://learningtolivelikewaterblog.com/2016/05/07/digging-in-the-dark/ )

And OMG, she did it so beautifully. After, she gave me credit for the poem. And so many people came up to me telling me how much they liked it, how well written it was. I’m beginning to get a little more comfortable with people telling me they really liked my words. We had a big discussion on creativity, and how important it is to find your outlet, and to allow yourself to just be creative that way.

Afterward, I stayed and talked to my NYC friend for awhile. So many people came up to him to tell him how much they liked his voice. I was so happy for him, because it makes him so happy to sing.

After being stuck home all week, with this bug, what a treat it was to be out, with normal, kind, happy people. To feel included as part of the community. To actually be with people who care about each other, and support each others endeavors.

I guess I did the right thing, starting out within this morning. Working on my chakras. Funny, when I scanned myself when I first did the reiki, I hung out at my 3^rd eye chakra, where our intuition is, because I felt a little blockage there. As it turns out, I think there were some things I was feeling, not seeing, that I was blocking because I wanted the outcome to be different for myself. Interesting. Well, they all work together. That blockage, blocked the others…the energy has to flow through you freely, or it will only cause problems.

Then having my sister just wrap me up, reconnect me to who I am……with so much love. And then to go out tonight and encounter exactly what I needed. I’m pretty sure I’ll be on the mend now for a few days and then back to normal. Just need to stay aware of the truth, and not try to make reality what it is not.

So that’s my report for tonight, lol. Things are settling back in here. It snowed up north today…..so glad I missed that!!! I saw lots of picture though, all my FB friends at home were tagging me in their pictures, lol. Yuck. Just yuck.

Love and light all.

My sister is here, my sister is here!!

And her awesome husband too!!!!

For the first time since I was 18, I have family close by!!!

“Do you want to come over this weekend?” “Do a load of laundry and spend the night?” OMG. I couldn’t be happier, I don’t think.

I’ve been able to eat today. My stomach is much much better. I may even go to open mic tonight. I would hate to miss it. I’ve gone to them all since I got here. So many cool people that are interesting, fun, kind.

I better go take a nap. If the happy endorphins in my brain quiet down.

Love and light. 🙂

Sometimes we have to reground and recenter ourselves. Especially when we’ve gone through a lot of emotional upheaval. This morning, I knew I needed to get back to basics. Back to my meditation practice. Back to gratitude for all the blessings of my life.

And I knew that some of the things I held onto had to be let go.

I did some self-reiki during my meditation, focusing on my solar plexus and sacral chakras. In these two places are all our emotions, all our creativity, our sexual drive. Since this stomach thing, located in these chakras, has manifested, I’ve been unable to write anything creative. I’ve let old emotions take over. I’ve allowed negative emotions in my life.

Which, personally, is how I believe the bug got into me anyway. I weakened those areas with thoughts and beliefs that are not true, are inappropriate, that have little or no basis in reality, and can never become the possibilities I made up in my mind. Lie to yourself, and you will pay.

I have retreated, to within myself for awhile. I will allow my strengths to take back over. I will allow my perceptions to be based on whats real, and not what I would have liked to be real. Things are what they are. I have no judgments of them, I only know what fits in my life and what doesn’t. I intend to keep those things that do fit, that just feel right. Forcing nothing. I intend to stop pretending that some things are different than they will ever be, or could be different. They are not. Not now. Not in this moment. The future? It doesn’t really matter, does it?

It felt good to sit in silence, and to clear my mind of so much extraneous stuff. Really good. I feel like doing it all day. Except when my sister comes, with her husband and the two of them infuse my life with more love than it has right now. I’m so blessed to have them.

I once went to a psychic who told me to cut the cords that attached me to the negative energies, and to turn the ends of those cords back around to me. She told me Mother Mary was with me, because I needed to nurture myself. Her words echo in my head, because that was months ago, after my mother died. She told me that I neglected myself, as I took care of people that I loved.

With that in mind, I return to myself this morning, taking care of myself, allowing myself to grieve what I need to grieve, and let go of what needs to be let go. Accept the love from the people who love me. Find joy in the minutia and the mundane of daily life.

Sending love and light to all, including myself.

So spacey today. I didn’t go to my sistes, but I did go to the store to get her some stuff to take home with her. I took my friend with me, I just didn’t think it was a good idea to drive it alone. About half way through, my stomach let me know it was unhappy. We finished and headed home. My friend was glad for the ride. I was glad for her companionship.

Yesterday, this same friend texted me after I got home from Urgent Care, to tell me there was a surprise on my deck. I went out and there was a chair I’d been planning to buy from one of the little shops in town. With a card attached, telling me how glad she is we’ve become friends. What a sweet thing to do! It’s an early Christmas present. Apparently the guy whose chair it was, was about to pack it up and head north. A reverse snowbird maybe? Idk, all I know was it sure lifted my very deflated spirits after the treatment at the Urgent Care center. It’s an old fashioned, small chair with a cane seat, that I wanted for my bedroom.

The urgent care place keeps calling me to see if I’ve made an appointment for a CT scan. I want to just give them the finger. Instead of a CT scan, I went to the store, and got a quart of Tuscan Chicken Broth (made by Progresso) and that’s what I had for dinner. It’s really good, and very soothing. Would be very good to make chicken soup with. Time for another bowl. I’m so hoping I can pull myself together to go out with my sis and brother-in-law when they stop on their way to their house.

I’m thinking I have been burying emotions about this move, my son’s move. I always want to just barrel through the work. I’ve been here a little over a month, and had my car totaled and now this bug which has laid me up all week. I miss my son, I miss my people up north. I need to let myself do that, just grieve a little in peace and quiet. It will be easier once my sister is here. She will pull me under her wing, big sister that she is, and wrap me in the love I need right now.

All I know is…..love and light, everyone.

I must be feeling better, because my sense of humor is returning, slightly.  In a sarcastic kind of way.

I went to urgent care. Because I had an urgent need to stop the pain in my abdomen. So first came in the girl who checks your vitals. Mine are good. I had to tell her why I was there. Ok, that’s fine. She leaves and says give me a minute to get this into the computer. Then comes the APRN. And again I have to tell her the whole story. I mean, seriously? Didn’t I just tell the first girl the whole story? And didn’t she say it was going into the computer? I thought so.

But, apparently not. So, she decides I need an x-ray, to make sure nothing is crimped or out of place. So, ok, they can do that there. I have it done, it takes about a half hour from start to finish. The x-ray tech, kept saying to me “hop on up” on the table. I mean seriously. I was in obvious pain. I said finally, “I’ll get up there, but probably won’t be hopping.” Does he not even look to see what the issue is with me? He knew he was supposed to xray my abdomen.

Geezus.

Then I go back to my room. Exam Room 1. The doctor comes in.Again, for the 3rd time, he asks me why I’m there, as if I hadn’t told anyone, and no one had entered it into the computer.  He tells me that he can’t really tell anything from an xray. I mean, why the fuck do it then? My stomach is sore…I’m not sick. I really wanted to make sure I didn’t herniate my stomach somehow. I’m sure he could tell that from an xray. He says, we’d really like you to have a CT scan. We want to rule out an issue with your appendix.

Geezus. It’s not my appendix. For God’s sake, I am not sick in anyway. My temp was 98.9, my Bp was 110/65. Yes, I normally have low blood pressure. So I tell him I’m not going today, maybe tomorrow, but I don’t want to make my friends who were kind enough to bring me to urgent care to have to hang around a hospital for hours, when I know it’s not necessary.

So he orders up blood work. He orders a urine sample. I have been drinking water all day, it’s not an issue to give them one. But they do that before the blood work. The phlebotomist, who apparently doubles as the x-ray tech, can’t find the vein in my arm. He pokes twice with no luck. He says, “I’m gonna let you drink some water and I’ll be back in a few minutes. 20 minutes later, he shows up. He finally gets two vials of blood out of me. I am not squeamish about this. As a diabetic, I have blood drawn 3-4 times a year, but usually the phlebotomists can find my vein the first time.

Oh yeah. There was sugar in my urine. I did tell them that I didn’t take any of my meds today. They decided they needed to do a glucose test, and my sugar was 98, well within the normal range. Because I’m not eating, which I also told them.

So now I am ready to go. Except that I have to sign a waiver, since I am not going directly to having a CT scan, and they don’t want to be responsible if my appendix explodes.

Geezus. Ok, I sign it.

It seems to me, they simply wanted to run the bill up as high as they could but gave me no urgent relief. I mean, wtf is urgent care? I wanted relief, not a million tests. I miss the old days, when a dr wasn’t afraid to hazard a guess.

And so something to alleviate pain…which I estimated at a 7 out of 10. Idk what I wanted, but it wasn’t to sit there and be run through a bunch of tests and walk out of there no better off than I went in.

I came home and had some fresh pineapple. Maybe that will move things for me. At least more than that office visit did.

The good thing is now that I’m back home, I don’t feel any worse. Actually, I feel better. So, I’m glad I went, and had an xray, I guess, so I know I didn’t do anything drastic to my stomach. Maybe I’ll make it to my sisters after all, and get her house all spic and span, and some basics in her fridge and her cabinets.

Love and light.

I’ve finally managed to go to urgent care. I tried to get into an actual practice but you need to already be a patient of theirs. Well, I’ve only been here a month. Don’t have a primary care dr.  This will have to do. 

I have discovered that daytime tv is as bad as ever. Especially when you have the bare minimum channels. However I did see something interesting this morning. I’ve never seen Charlie Rose before. This morning he  had on Glen Beck. Now that I would normally make that my choice to watch, but it seemed like it might be more intelligent than the alternatives. 

I was shocked though, that my idea of who Beck is was kind of dashed, in a pleasant way, as he called Donald Trump a “sociopath.”  I think it shocked Charlie Rose too. But Beck said, have you ever seen him connect with anyone who can’t do anything for him?  Just say, I’m sorry I said all that stuff?”  He also mentioned that when Trump aligns with groups like the Klan, and white supremacists, you need to look at that and decide if that’s where you want to find yourself. 

Having been married to a man I consider to be a card-carrying sociopath, because he was incapable of feeling empathy for anyone, I totally agree with Beck’s assessment. It’s why I shut off the first 2 debates, and never turned the third one on. 

It was refreshing, to find a conservative man who could not back Trump. He doesn’t like Hillary either, but Trump is the one who scares him. It was a thoughtful well thought out interview. 

Other things I’ve found since being housebound for days. 1. I don’t like the way my microwave keeps alerting me that it’s done every 30 seconds. That’s irritating!!!  2. Along the same vein, my dishwasher for some reason has to sound an alert whenever it’s opened. As if I don’t know I opened it.  3. I can sleep when I’m not even tired.  What’s up with that?  I’m so used to not being able to sleep, even when I’m exhausted, and the last 2 days I’ve probably slept 15 hours a day. 

So, onward. I hope the dr can give me some help. 

Love and light, all. 

This not feeling well thing is really a drag. I went to bed at 7 last night. After sleeping half the day on the couch. I woke up somewhere around 6 and went back to bed around 7. Stayed there til 10. Yesterday I ate some rice, a banana and half a thing of yogurt. I’m barely even hungry.

I have to get back on my feet. I’m having a piece of toast. My friend Beth is bringing me some chicken soup. Thank God, because I have no ability to go to the store yet. I can’t believe I got this stupid stomach bug again. Luckily, I have some of the meds leftover that the doc gave me last time. Hopefully in 24 hours I’ll be feeling better.

The last time I had this, it went on for weeks. I was tested for every conceivable intestinal bug, and they all came up negative. So, I feel like it’s not worth my time to go see a doc at the moment, because it’s exactly the same thing. I think a lot of it is emotional. Just so many changes in the last 2 months.

My sister texted me, and she will be here on Thursday. I can’t wait for her to be here. I need to get over there on Wednesday and put some food in her fridge, and sweep up the rest of the dead palmetto bugs, lol. She’s so much like my Mom. It will just be wonderful to have her close by.

I have so much to do with this house. I keep getting set back, the car accident and now this bug. I was really homesick last night and this morning. For the doctors I could just call, for the friends that I had that would bring me soup. In fact, just for the people I love up there. Felt sorry for myself, not my normal MO. But then this morning, Beth offered to bring me soup, and my sister texted me, and the world is starting to right itself again.

Thanks for all your well wishes. It means a lot, really.

Love and light.