The jazz jam was kind of a bust. About 10 musicians showed up, but there wasn’t enough equipment to really play. A few people sang, someone played a trumpet. The restaurant was dead. But it was still nice, because I met a coupld of new people, and we all sat around and talked for a couple hours, and ate and drank. I have that stomach bug so didn’t do much of either. Apparently the restaurant would like it to become a thing, once a week so all the musicians were laying plans for how they would set up the room for the next one.

I met a woman who writes like I do, poetry, and some journaling, and some essays. She was talking about starting a writers group. She asked me if I’d be interested. We discussed it. She belongs to another group, but no one reads their work there, so it’s not critiqued. We exchanged phone numbers and I told her to let me know if she’s able to put it together. She was born here, and knows everyone. It seems like a good idea.

I canceled my handyman for today. He was going to put in my dryer vent, but I feel so terrible, I just couldn’t deal with it. I fell asleep on the bathroom floor last night, because I couldn’t keep getting in and out of bed. My lower GI is in so much pain, it’s tender to the touch. I’ve spent most of the day sleeping, and watching boring TV. My son had called me a few times, to see if I’m ok. Sweet kid.

I’m supposed to go get my Fl drivers license tomorrow. I hope I can make the appointment. Well, it’s probably time to go back to sleep, lol.

Love and light.

Scampering through lawn

climbing trees and hibiscus

Lizards eating bugs.

Last night I tried and tried to write a blog, but couldn’t come up with a coherent thought, or anything I thought was even interesting. Who wants to hear about me going to the grocery store and how they didn’t have siracha sauce. That’s a pretty pathetic subject matter, lol. I gave up the quest to write, and went to bed.

This morning, I’ve been looking at the old posts that people read overnight. Some from a year ago. I suppose they showed up in someone’s feed as additional posts, at the bottom of the page. In this particular post, I was trying to make sense of a terrible emotional upheaval, and was trusting that the universe was working in my behalf.

Because, I believe in the end it does. In the end it will bring you to where you need to be to learn the lessons you’re supposed to learn. Of course, choosing to learn them or not, is still our prerogative. I still don’t know if I’ve learned the lesson that was in front of me then well enough. Or if I even learned the right lesson, for that matter. Matters of the heart are so hard to decipher.

But I do know, and truly believe, that the drastic changes in my life of the last few months have been good for me. I believe that the universe was on it, for me. I found this house quite by accident. My sister jumped to the plate and loaned me the money if I really wanted it, until I could sell my house. It closed on my birthday, again quite by accident. But that was surely a sign, wasn’t it?

The whole selling of my old house in CT was so stressful. I lost a lot of money on it. Packing it up, moving my son, who really did not want to move, to Colorado, retiring and training my replacement during all this meant longer and more stressful work hours. And then all the driving. Add to that, leaving a place I’d lived for over 40 years, and all the people who had shared all my experiences with me. People I miss so much.

And, since I’ve been here, getting the house the way I want it, which won’t be completed for a long time. And let’s not forget the accident, just throw in there the loss of my car, and having to shop for a new car under pressure.

So….there must have been another lesson in all that, right? To learn to plug away at the what we want. To continue to forge ahead to achieve the life we want. I used to say, during my long contentious divorce, that I couldn’t look at the big picture. I could only focus on the next task at hand. I had the big picture in the background, but only as an overview. I didn’t sweat it too much. I had to focus on getting what was mine, and mostly on saving my son. On the next court date. We had one once a month almost, for 18 months. Then a 3 day trial. Then an appeal. Then a Supreme Court hearing. It seemed never ending. One day at a time was the only way to get through it.

I’ve used the same tactics to move here. I just dealt with the next thing, and didn’t try to get out into the big picture too much. It was too overwhelming. I knew the hardest thing would be to leave my son in Colorado, and it was, and it is. I miss him so much. But he’s finding his way, and I think now, he’s happy he did it. I’m pleased to see him flying on his own. And proud too, at his success.

Since I’ve been here, I think also the universe has been giving me what I dreamed of. A life rich in experience, close to the sea that I love so much, new people that have welcomed me into their lives. It is what I dreamed of, when I made a dream of how I wanted to retire. I’ve kept my old friends close, by phone, by text, by facebook, by email. I don’t feel now, that I’ve lost anything, but have gained so much.

Retirement is wonderful. I don’t feel old enough to say I’m retired, lol. But I love not having to stop writing in the morning, because it’s time to get in the shower. I love being able to decide each day how I want to spend it. I still have to have a big picture of the things I need to get done, but now I can work at them at my leisure, instead of under pressure.

I guess what I’m saying is that even when times are really tough, there is always some productive stuff going on too. We are always being given a lesson to learn, and sometimes it’s a hard lesson. I know when I moved here, I prayed and prayed that my days of hard lessons were over. I just want easy ones for this last quarter of my life. So far…..it seems that’s what’s happening. Although it’s a short time to assess the whole truth, I’ve only been here a month. Accident notwithstanding, it’s been an amazing ride, since I landed here. I feel like I’m living a charmed life. I’ve not come upon the love of my life, yet, at least not to my knowledge. But I’m trusting the universe to bring that to me, and really, in the meantime, I am just enjoying all the things it has brought to me, that make my life a good one. We can’t see the future, all we can do is live the present so that our future takes care of itself.

So today, I have the artwalk in town with my friends. I think there’s a fresh market somewhere where I can maybe get some better produce than was available at the store. We also have the jazz festival, and the after party at which my friend is gonna sing and jam with her old jazz friends from the days she did it professionally.

That’s the universe, at work, to bring all that good stuff my way. I trust it will continue. I’ve given up attachment to the outcome, and am determined to let life happen as it will. So far, that seems to be working.

Love and light, all.

The crows are back this morning, at the pier.  They line it on both sides, as one reader  commented when I had a picture up, like a goth wedding.  It is kind of comical, and fits this quirky happy place. 

The bay waters are dead calm this morning. Only the wakes of boats headed out for early morning fishing move the surface. The tide is almost full high, creeping up the cabin windows of the couple of boats which lay cock-eyed on the shore, having been deposited there by an earlier hurricane. 

The sky is absolutely clear this morning, though there is a high haze, so the pinks and golds are tinting the sky as the sun comes up.

I slept so well last night, first time in maybe a week. I’m so happy to be here again for the sunrise. Soon we’ll go off daylight savings time, and the sun will rise an hour earlier. That may make it harder to get here but I’ll try. At least occasionally.  

The sky turns from pink to gold on the horizon as the sun gets closer to creeping up over the top. I am filled with gratitude this morning. For all the people, and experiences, and lessons, and grace that have brought me to this moment. 

Love and light to you. 

It was a wonderful day, and a wonderful night.

I had coffee with Beth before I left for my sisters, so she could get me up to speed on the Jazz Festival and Jazz Jam after, that she has been putting together, successfully. I left for my sisters house, but forgot to take anything to eat for the day, because my sister’s fridge is empty since she is not there, lol. So I stopped at a grocery store and had to go in and get a salad. I was a little self-conscious, as I had on shorts and my bathing suit top. But it’s Florida, and close to the beach. No one thought anything of it.

At my sisters while the laundry was going, I read, I just lazed around catching some sun, I swam, and I watered all her plants. It hasn’t rained here since the hurricane so they all needed watering, I would guess. Her gardens are amazingly beautiful. Bougainvillea cascades from tree trunks, and hibiscus and a ton of other flowers and plants that I have no idea what they are. I didn’t leave her house til after 4 pm, and realized that people are starting to arrive for the winter. There was a lot more traffic going home than I’m used to. Beach traffic. Note to self….leave earlier or later. Not at 4:30 for the hour long ride home, because it was an hour and 20 minutes.

Which put me rather late to go to open mic. I had to put clean sheets on the bed, and eat, and shower. I’d planned to meet Beth there at 6:30 but didn’t get there til almost 7. She needed me to take her (she doesn’t have a car) to hear a fellow jazz musician who was singing somewhere….because she wants to recruit her to sing at the jazz jam after the festival is over. So we did that, then went back for the rest of open mic night. Caught up with a couple of the regulars that we normally sit with. Had a glass of lemon lavender tea, no wine tonight. Haven’t had any all week, just haven’t felt like it.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with the dr for a back/neck massage. I have to get to the lab to have bloodwork done for my new diabetes dr. He is very nice. I’m used to a huge multi-dr practice, he is a single dr office. But the good news was that my blood pressure was 101/62, and I’d lost 2 lbs since the accident. It seems that life is agreeing with me down here, not having to work. I’m so glad I listened when someone said, “You can always make more money, you can’t make more time.”

My friend Pat wants to have a booth at the Artwalk which will go on the same time as the jazz festival Saturday, kind of in conjunction with it. She wants me to join her and put some of my jewelry out. I may…..I could use the money. I’ll have to decide tomorrow when she gets into town. She’s been staying with her grandkids for a week.

There is always something to do here. I really have to start picking and choosing, because I need to do things like mow the lawn, lol. And I am starting to know a number of people, so I don’t feel so strange anymore. Even the waitresses at open mic know me now, lol.

Time to go to bed. Crazy busy, but it’s all fun busy. Whodda thunk my life could be like this?

Love and light, everyone.

I’ve posted this before.  I’m posting it again.  Now is as good a time as any.  I just like to remind myself, occasionally, that this is what it’s all about.  I am going out, don’t have time for a new original post tonight.  I hope this will do.  Elizabeth Gilbert, from Eat Pray Love.  Brilliant.

The Physics of the Quest

The Physics of the Quest — a force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of the Quest Physics goes something like this…

I’m feeling much better today than yesterday, even though I was up for a couple hours in the middle of the night. I have a lovely day planned, and am looking forward to it.

I’m going to my sisters house and do my laundry, and sit by her pool and read, and write while the laundry is done. I will have to go back next week because she and her husband are leaving to come down here, and I want to get basic groceries etc for them, and also make sure all the dead, giant palmetto bugs are out of their house, lol. I have to say I haven’t seen additional ones since I first was there, when I got down here. Thankfully. They are creepy even when they’re dead!

Then tonight is open mic night again. I am looking forward to that. I’ll be with my friend Beth, and it’s fun hanging around with all the local musicians that kind of end up at our table. Totally enjoy myself. Everyone has been so welcoming, I’m beginning to feel “part of the family” as someone put it last Sunday. Plus it’s an early night, it is over by about 9:30, at least the music is. Sometimes we sit and talk for longer. Sometimes, if no one is really tired, we go around the corner to a bar that has karaoke after the football games are over on tv. Have a $3 glass of wine, lol.

Saturday is the local jazz festival on the beach, with some well-known jazz musicians that are friends of Beth’s. She has planned an after party at a local restaurant, and is coming over this morning before I go to my sisters to tell me all about it. She went to the karaoke on the beach yesterday. She said there is so much she has to tell me! LOL! We should have a rousing good time Saturday.

So, I’m off, to get myself ready to go to my sisters, and to make coffee for Beth. It’s a beautiful day, with highs only about 85°, instead of 90°, and very low humidity. Perfect day to sit by the pool. And I’ll be rested up for tonight.

Enjoy your day everyone. Love and light.