Fiction Writing? We’ll See…….

Posted on by learning to live like water

About 2 weeks ago, I saw a link to a fiction writers course in a FB post by my dear friend Michelle at https://heartwordsforpoetry.org/ , sponsored by the University of Iowa Writer’s Workshop. The course was free, is about 6 weeks long, and entitled “How Writers Write Fiction 2016: Storied Women.” It’s taught by well-known female authors, with video classes, and assignments, and feedback.

The Iowa Writers Workshop is one of the most celebrated creative writing programs in the world, with 17 Pulitzer Prize winners coming from it, in addition to 6 US Poet Laureates, and numerous National Book award writers. Graduates of the Writers Workshop earn a Masters in Fine Arts degree. So, this course has good genes.
I signed up for it, because I would like to learn to write fiction. Almost all of my writing is personal experience, and I’d like to try my hand at fiction at some point. However, getting my car totaled kind of set me back, and though the first lesson came out a week ago, I hadn’t looked at it until today.

This morning I woke with a very upset stomach. I got up at 6, then went back to bed at 8, and by 9 I felt somewhat better, so decided to keep my appointment with my new endocrinologist. I was supposed to go to karaoke on the beach with my friend and a couple of people I met last week. But honestly, I was beat, still didn’t feel all that well. So I opted out. I napped for about an hour. Then decided since I had the afternoon, to take a look at the assignment.

I did the required reading. I watched the 50 minute class video. And now I’m trying to write a story which needs to be between 1000 and 2000 words. I’ve been on this class and assignment for 3 hours, with only a break for a phone call.

I feel grateful to have this opportunity to explore fiction writing, and see if it’s something I actually like to do. It is taxing my creative abilities, and I hope at the same time, stretching them. Anyway, I thought I’d take a break and touch base here.

On another note, I got my 400th follower today! I am so excited about that! Thank you Nicky M! Check out her blog at https://theshimmerwithinher.com/ . And just so you know, I am grateful for ALL my 400 followers, I just have to shout out the milestones, lol. Ego…..

Love and light all.

On Being Vulnerable

Posted on by learning to live like water

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A friend who lives close to me came by tonight and dropped off a couple of rakes she offered to loan me, rather than me buy one. I was going to buy one today because I need to rake up the back yard, from stuff that’s fallen from the huge tree, which someone told me is a banyan tree, though I’m still not sure it is, and from the palm tree that is entwined with it. I want to get the yard cleaned up, and put down crushed shells back there. It’s supposed to cool off later this week, so it will be a good time to do it. She offered to loan me her rakes rather than me buy one.

I invited her to eat with me, and watch the Voice. She’s the friend who sings, really sings, so I thought she might enjoy it. She doesn’t have TV. We had about an hour to kill til the show was on, and I’d told her about Brene Brown’s TED talk on vulnerability, so we watched it. She loved it…she already understood it, but loved it anyway. It’s probably the 20th time I’ve watched it. It has almost 27,000,000 (yes 27 million) hits now. Literally.

But I thought about how while I espouse vulnerability all the time, I still don’t make myself completely vulnerable. While I am fully willing to be the first to say “I love you” with no guarantee the feeling will be reciprocated, and while I’m fully willing to invest in a relationship with no guarantee it will work out. I was fully willing to move to a town where I knew 1 person, and willing to do what I had to do to create a new life here. I thought I was fully willing too, to show up, to be seen, and to risk failure, because after all, I write a blog. I pour my heart out here, I have few things that I won’t discuss here.

Then I look at my friend, who sings her heart out. I look at the others who go to open mic and sing because they love it, and aren’t afraid of the failure. Of the people who are willing to sit in front of a crowd and read their poetry, and risk that maybe people will not like it, or worse, criticize it.

Those people are really espousing vulnerability. Their lives are alive, and full of joy, and they get off the stage and they collaborate on playing music together, or putting together other venues, or asking people to come hear them read their poetry.

I’m not that willing. I am terrified to get up in front of people and read my poetry. I am even terrified when my friend gets up and sings it. I can’t, yet. It terrifies me to my soul. I easily allowed myself to fall in love with someone and completely gave my heart to him, with no guarantees. Yet, I cannot get up in front of a crowd and read a poem I’ve written.

What’s up with that?

I think if I’m going to walk that walk, and talk that talk, I have some work to do. Allowing my friend to sing the poems was a start, I suppose.

I think it may align with Marianne Williamson’s famous quote, that our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. Who am I to write a good poem, that people like? What if I can actually write? What if….does that then put expectations on me that I’m afraid I can’t meet and that then I’ll disappoint them? And then disappoint myself?

Brother. This shit gets deep.

Every time I have watched that TED talk, I have learned something else. I always take another step, begin to excavate another level.  As Brene says, “Lean into the discomfort.”

Well, here’s to some productive digging.

Love and light, all.

Bananas, Bonamassa and Beth Hart

Posted on by learning to live like water

I’m feeling pretty good this morning. Yesterday, despite how tired I was, was a good day. I got back/neck therapy which is always nice. I took a nap in the afternoon. I talked on the phone to a good old friend I hadn’t talked to in a long while.

I was too tired to cook. I thought about driving a half mile or so to get Chinese take-out but was too tired even to do that. So, I made myself a PBJ, lol. And dang, it was good!

Right after, I got a text from my friend Beth, who was at the community garden where she helps out occasionally. She said, “Do you want some bananas?” I said “Sure!” She was at my door a few minutes later with a HUGE bag of bananas, fresh off the banana tree there. She said they had to pick them, they’re very green, before the squirrels get them. So now I have about a dozen bananas, right off the tree!!. Looks like I will be baking banana bread!

Before she left, we made plans for her to go with me today to get my FL driver’s license and apply for my Homestead thing, (not sure what it’s called but it takes $50,000 off your assessment for property taxes because you live here), and go to a couple thrift stores in search of a tv stand and kitchen table for myhouse, if there’s time. We’re supposed to a poetry reading at the library tonight by Peter Meinke, Florida’s poet laureate. Seems like a nice plan for the day.

I settled on the couch, intending to maybe write. I opened the computer and turned on The Voice. After the first couple of battle-round competitions I promptly fell asleep for at least an hour. I woke up just in time to hear this fabulous couple doing a Beth Hart – Joe Bonamassa tune I had not heard before. They are becoming an obsession with me, I have to say. I have so much of their music on my phone now. Anyway, it was called “I’ll Take Care of You.” The couple singing it were amazing, really really good. He played guitar to it, and they both sang. Anyway, I will end this blog with a link to the Hart – Bonamassa version, for those of you into blues. Enjoy.

 

Haiku No. 200: Waking Up

Posted on by learning to live like water

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Shore Blvd. in Gulfport.  The building used to be a casino, and is still called one, but it’s really a dance hall, with other activities like karaoke on the beach once a week. The other side of the street is restaurants and bars, shops and galleries.

Coffee in my cup
Before the dawn lights the sky
Eyes still thick with sleep.

Ceiling fan’s low hum
Is the only sound I hear.
Alone with my thoughts.

What will the day bring?
Sunshine, heat, a breeze, good friends.
Life under the palms.

By Deborah E. Dayen

Picture taken by me March 2016

Coffee Hangover

Posted on by learning to live like water

I have a coffee hangover today. Yesterday I drank a cup of coffee when I got up. Then at brunch I drank 3 more. Why? I have no friggin idea what made me do that. I know better. I was tired, having been up in the middle of the night the night before, for a couple hours. The coffee there is good.

I’m so surprised at the dearth of coffee shops around here. I know of maybe 2 Dunkin Donuts, the same for Starbucks. It blows my mind. Back in CT, Dunkin is everywhere, and Starbucks almost as much.

So back to the coffee. I was just talking with people, engrossed in conversation, and not really paying attention. The waitress offered and I accepted, lol.

Then I couldn’t get to sleep last night, even though I was so exhausted. I lay there for almost 2 hours, trying to sleep, but barely able to close my eyes. I read for awhile. I took some Ambien, again. Finally I got about 6 hours sleep.

But this morning, my stomach was upset, nervous, jittery. I was dragging too, from lack of sleep, now for 3 nights in a row. I got up at 6, intending to go to the sunrise on the pier. I went back to bed at 8, and just rested for an hour. I had to get up and get in the shower for a doctors appointment, but finally about 9:15, I felt better.

It will be a long time before I try to drink that much coffee again!

All is well now. But I’ll be in bed early tonight for sure.

I got my voter registration card today. YAY! Tomorrow I intend to go get my Florida drivers license. Then I have to apply for my “Homestead” thing which will cut my property taxes in about half.

It’s still very warm here. Was 90 today. Tomorrow the same. Then cooling to about 80 by the end of the week. So many people can’t wait for it to cool off. Not me. I’m so happy I can still dress for summer!

Love and light, everyone.

Monday Morning Musings

Posted on by learning to live like water

Last night a friend of mine went with me to the fishing pier and watched the sunset and then the super moon rise. Thus, the picture from my last post. I took some pictures over the water, but they didn’t do it justice. The water here is a bay, so there were lights etc, competing with the moon, and in the picture it wasn’t clear how amazing that moon was. The picture I posted was from a rooftop bar in town. I have a few more pictures I may try to put up. I meant to put my crystals all outside on a tray to recharge, and I forgot when I got home. Kind of bummed about that. Oh well, there will be another full moon next month.

I made the mistake of drinking too much coffee yesterday at the brunch. I was just in the mood, I guess. But I paid for it last night. I was exhausted from being up in the night the night before, but when I went to bed, still could not get to sleep until quite late. However, I slept a good solid 6 hours once I fell asleep and feel ok this morning. Sleep is such a relief.

It’s still quite warm here during the day, in the mid to high 80’s. Cooler at night though. It gets down to around 70, maybe in the 60’s. It’s much drier than the first few weeks I was here. This is when the season begins, I guess, with the winter people coming down, like my sister will. She should be here next week sometime. I am really excited to have her so close. I know it’s also bittersweet for her, because her daughter lives in the town where she lives all summer in VA. Her daughter is married now though, for a year. I’m glad about that, it will be easier for her when my sister’s gone.

My sister and I both have one child, and I totally get how she feels. I miss my son so much, even though we talk every day. He had the weekend off, his first since starting his job. He went to a music festival in Denver, and got to meet and chill with one of his favorite DJ’s. So he had a great weekend. I’m really happy for him. And happy that he’s becoming more comfortable there.

I missed the sunrise again. Too many nights of broken sleep. Hopefully I’ll get back on my own schedule again in the next few days, and be able to resume going to the pier in the morning. It’s such a nice way to start the day.


More moon pictures. 😊

Love and light all.

A Feeling of Wonder

Posted on by learning to live like water

I’ve been for hours, to an outdoor brunch with music, which was supposed to end at 2, but actually we stayed much later. My friend Beth sang, with the guy who was playing for it, as did a couple other people. Another buy brought his bass and played the whole second two hours with the man on guitar. It’s fun to go with Beth, because she is at the center of the music community here and knows everyone. She’s lived here for 28 years.

After the guitarist was done at 2, all the musicians who had taken part in the mornings brunch music, came to our table. Some of them were collaborating on songs for another venue, some were just talking, they were hungry, lol. It was really fun to hang out with them all. They are all about my age, and we all like the same kind of music. I am not well versed, but I’m getting an education, lol. They include me so much.

I had met a man who sang old kind of crooner songs, from the Frank Sinatra genre, the other night. We talked for so long today. He is from NYC. Everyone is talking about Bob Dylan getting the Nobel Prize, and this man said he remembers so well, being in high school and going to Greenwich Village and seeing Dylan, and Peter Paul and Mary and other great old names there. He said that this community reminds him so much of the Village. I’ve never been to Greenwich Village, but I can imagine that it does. Everyone is so serious about their art, whether it’s music or painting or writing or whatever. Yet, they are all one big family and so laid back, kind, and respectful of each other.

They’re having the First Annual Gulfport Jazz Festival this coming Saturday. My friend Beth is totally excited because she sang jazz for so many years and knows so many of the musicians that will be playing. She’s trying to arrange an after party at one of the restaurants for all the musicians to come after the festival closes at 10, and just be able to jam together. I went with her to talk to one of the restaurants that is a good venue for this. I hope it works out for her.

Tonight is the super full moon. I want to go to the fishing pier or somewhere similar with a glass of wine and watch the moonrise over the water. I want to remember too, to put out my crystals on a tray to recharge them. I love the full moon, and this one should be huge, being the closest the moon will be to earth this month.

Maybe it’s the full moon energy that is giving everything a feel of wonder today.  Life is good here. Had a wonderful day so far, and it’s not over yet.  Feeling grateful.

Love and light, all.