What’s next? What does NEXT mean anyway? Time is not really linear, I’ve heard. So maybe what’s next is what’s past. What’s next can be whatever we choose on some level. But then, one can get into quantum physics and that’s way too complicated for me to write about. How can we know what’s next, … Continue reading
I went with my friend, B, the singer to see our good friend sing Frank Sinatra songs in a fundraiser for his church last night. It was called “Frankie and Johnny”. Our friend was Frankie, and another guy did Johnny Cash. I didn’t realize it would be set up like a lounge show, with tables for 8, and a small buffet, and a bar, and a dance floor. Neither B nor I wanted to drink, we just had bottles of water. It was really Karaoke, but both men were very good. The man who did Johnny Cash was in country bands most of his life and recorded many songs. Our friend P….he just has this awesome velvety baritone voice that is so perfect for the types of old crooner songs he sings.
He was all dressed up in a tux, he looked so handsome! His family had a table, and he invited us over to meet them all. He paid us a lot of attention when he was not singing. At the end, we were leaving and his whole family was trying to take a selfie, like 10 of them. I stopped and offered to take their picture for them, and they got P to join them.
It was a different kind of evening out, but was fun.
This afternoon my bunch of girlfriends is coming over for a first meeting of our loosely formed writers group. We’re just going to eat and drink wine and talk about what we want to accomplish with this group, since we all like to write. And, like my friend B said last night, “I know what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna drink wine and gossip.” LOL. I know I’d like to be able to read some of my work, and have these close friends hear it and critique it. I know my good friend D, the actress-teacher-sculptor-writer already has an idea for a play. She called me yesterday and asked me if she railroaded me into having this, because she said she feels like every time she sees me she’s asking if we can do it again. lol. I told her no, of course. We’ve been talking about doing this for awhile, and I wanted to do it before my son came because after that is Easter, etc, and it would get pushed way back probably into May. They love to come here for some reason. I think my deck lends itself to the group, with my Buddha face on the tree and all, lol. It’s a small deck but it works. I have to go put another bug bomb under it though. With the rain we had the other day, I’m afraid the mosquitos have been breeding.
I’m going to try making homemade guacamole for them. I got my sister’s recipe, and I’ve watched her make it a few times. These girls are big guac fans, lol. And I’m going to make some “Glorious Morning” muffins. I’m really making those for my son’s arrival tomorrow, but the recipe makes way too many for just him and I, so I can give some to the group today. They are my son’s favorite. They’re kind of a carrot cake muffin, with carrots, grated apple, walnuts, raisins, and you can add crushed pineapple and coconut if you want. I don’t have any crushed pineapple or coconut, but they’re good without them.
Can’t wait for my son to get here. I’ll need to nap tomorrow, to be picking him up at 10:40 at night, but that’s ok. It was really the only choice he had. He seems excited too! I hope the weather holds for him. It’s been such lovely weather, except for the t-storms we had the other morning, it’s been typical FL, sunny and warm.
Feeling blessed this morning, to have so much good stuff in my life. Love and light, all.
My phone seems hell-bent on playing love songs this morning. I’m feeling kind of in limbo at the moment. I don’t know where this thing with L is going. He often talks about “when I see you” but makes no plans. He stopped calling me half-way through his trip to Ohio, but he sent me pics, and has texted me, often. I guess we are just in a holding pattern, to stay as we were until he gets back. But I can’t even be sure. There is no “I’m looking forward to seeing you again.” But he remembers things I tell him, and asks me about them. I just don’t know. The timing of our meeting has made it a little hard, with him having to go away for 3 weeks, right after we met. Yet, I’m waiting, patiently, because no one else has piqued my interest this much.
Then there is the other one, who shall remain nameless. I wish I could say he’s never on my mind, but he is. Not in a good way, really. Just that we’ve never really been done, even when I think we are. Like Leonard Cohen’s song, “Are we still leaning across the old table?” I hope not, yet, there he is. I am still done. I can’t go there again. My cognizant brain always takes over, and says no way. But he lurks, in the recesses.
Maybe when I can see L regularly, the nameless one will get out of my head. I’m hoping L is on his way home today. I’ve not asked him for an exact day that he’ll be back. I don’t want him to feel like he has to report to me. I’m sure I’ll hear from him when he gets back. I have plenty to keep me busy anyway.
Cookies to make for my son. Herbs to put in pots out on my deck. Tomorrow a dr. appointment for therapy. Errands. And walk. I want to get to the waterfront to take a walk. Gonna do that now.
Love and light.
I had a very hard time getting to sleep last night. I was up at midnight, writing. I have heard wakefulness is a curse of many writers. It seems to be mine lately, for sure. I wrote, some things that I won’t ever publish, just trying to express whatever it was that was stuck inside and trying to get out. Leaning in, as Brene Brown advises, to the discomfort. Often that helps, just to write out whatever comes to mind, without a whole lot of worry about the mechanics. But still, as I sat on the couch, I was wide awake.
Saved on my computer is a short meditation, “The Great Bell Chant (The End to Suffering)”. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1ZwaEzMtJw ) . It has always given me some peace to watch this video, or simply to listen to it. I put it on, and after the first minute, closed my eyes. It isn’t too long, about 7 or 8 minutes. It is the first thing that helped me to begin to relax, and center myself.
When it ended I clicked on another suggestion on Youtube, for an Om Chant. It said it was 3 hours, but I thought, just let me listen for a few minutes, maybe it will clear my mind, remembering years ago a meditation group in which we listened to chanting for at least an hour, in the dark, and how I was always able to somehow shut down the monkey mind in my head. This video was simply a recording of Buddhist monks chanting OM, over and over again. Deep resonant voices. Listening to them, focusing in on them, my eyes finally began to close, and restfulness finally came to me. I found the same video on my phone, went to bed, and put it on. It was supposed to play for 3 hours. I don’t know if it did, lol, because finally I fell asleep, and slept until about 6:30. Only about 5 hours of sleep, but enough, especially for someone who’s retired, lol.
A few times in the last couple of days I’ve seen the term “metta” associated with Buddhism. Not because I was in particular reading or looking for information on Buddhism. The word just showed up, on FB, in my email newsletters. So this morning I googled it, and found a fascinating (to me) article on what it is, and how it’s practiced. ( http://www.vipassana.com/meditation/facets_of_metta.php ) It’s one of the 4 sublime states of Buddhism that leads to enlightenment. It kind of goes along with my post about unconditional love, but extends that love to oneself equally with extending it to others. You have to make yourself happy first, basically. And in serving others, you will find you make yourself happy. But, you can’t defer to others wishes if doing so makes you unhappy.
I slept well at my sisters, because I was helping her, and her friends, and it made me very happy to be there. I came home, to my little house that I love, but it was empty, devoid of that human connection, or so I thought. But connections remain, there is no space or time in regards to a connection. In focusing in on the OM meditation, I reconnected to myself, which reconnected me to all in a loving way. And I went to sleep.
And so the journey continues. Love and light.
About 2 weeks ago, I saw a link to a fiction writers course in a FB post by my dear friend Michelle at https://heartwordsforpoetry.org/ , sponsored by the University of Iowa Writer’s Workshop. The course was free, is about 6 weeks long, and entitled “How Writers Write Fiction 2016: Storied Women.” It’s taught by well-known female authors, with video classes, and assignments, and feedback.
The Iowa Writers Workshop is one of the most celebrated creative writing programs in the world, with 17 Pulitzer Prize winners coming from it, in addition to 6 US Poet Laureates, and numerous National Book award writers. Graduates of the Writers Workshop earn a Masters in Fine Arts degree. So, this course has good genes.
I signed up for it, because I would like to learn to write fiction. Almost all of my writing is personal experience, and I’d like to try my hand at fiction at some point. However, getting my car totaled kind of set me back, and though the first lesson came out a week ago, I hadn’t looked at it until today.
This morning I woke with a very upset stomach. I got up at 6, then went back to bed at 8, and by 9 I felt somewhat better, so decided to keep my appointment with my new endocrinologist. I was supposed to go to karaoke on the beach with my friend and a couple of people I met last week. But honestly, I was beat, still didn’t feel all that well. So I opted out. I napped for about an hour. Then decided since I had the afternoon, to take a look at the assignment.
I did the required reading. I watched the 50 minute class video. And now I’m trying to write a story which needs to be between 1000 and 2000 words. I’ve been on this class and assignment for 3 hours, with only a break for a phone call.
I feel grateful to have this opportunity to explore fiction writing, and see if it’s something I actually like to do. It is taxing my creative abilities, and I hope at the same time, stretching them. Anyway, I thought I’d take a break and touch base here.
On another note, I got my 400th follower today! I am so excited about that! Thank you Nicky M! Check out her blog at https://theshimmerwithinher.com/ . And just so you know, I am grateful for ALL my 400 followers, I just have to shout out the milestones, lol. Ego…..
Love and light all.
I realized today that I’ve never posted the link to my Living Like Water FB page. So here it is.
I would love you guys to “like” it, and share your thoughts with me. It is mostly just sharing of the things that I write about here, in memes. For some reason I couldn’t make it work as a link, you’ll have to copy and paste.
Both this blog and the page were initiated to complement a book I was writing / have written about the journey out of the darkness of my abusive marriage, that took me through 4 years, and to the Supreme Court of my state. Now that the book is complete, I’m not sure it’s something I want to publish, or just wanted to purge it through the writing. So at the moment I’m trying to decide if it’s really the story of Learning to Live Like Water.
There were so many many profound (to me!) lessons that came out of that struggle. But since, and it’s been 9 years, I have learned so many more. At the moment I’m feeling more like a collection of essays, poems, blogs, and journals which might share those lessons. Many from that dark time of my life, many from after.
A project for my Florida retirement. 🙂
Anyway, I hope you enjoy it. I have not been paying enough attention to my FB page lately, and may not until I get myself moved, because I won’t have time with all the moving stuff that is on my plate. But at some point I will, and I’d love to have my friends from here on board.
Love and light, every one.